Today as I went about my day I decided to drop into a new dress shop in town to take a look. As I browsed through the dresses all I could think was “which one would Ryan like?” Well, I found the perfect dress and I headed home, excited to wear it to our anniversary date tonight. I’ll let you in on a little secret…I don’t like dresses, but I have a closet full of them that I happily wear for one reason alone. Ryan mentioned to me one time that he really loved me in dresses, that he preferred them actually. That was it, I had become what I swore I would never be, I was now a dress wearing, cooking and cleaning, stay at home wife and mother. I actually remember thinking women who let their husbands pick out clothes for them were crazy, but now I would rather Ryan help me choose what to buy because he is the only man I want looking at me anyways and I want him to like what he sees. Ryan would actually tell you that I straight up rejected the premise of stay at home mom when we were dating. He had told me that he wanted a wife that would stay at home with the kids and I said, "then I'm not your girl!" I was the one who talked about the "lazy housewife" and mocked the very idea, but the truth was that came from a broken place, the place of knowing that I was never going to get the chance to be a mom. The me of 10 years ago would be groaning in agony over how much I have changed, and that is because the me of 10 years ago had not yet come to understand her place in this world and who she was in Gods eyes. I’m so happy that I am not that girl anymore, that I have found my place and being who I was born to be has truly blessed me! I was born to be a mother, I was born to be a wife, I was born to serve God through a ministry, and my husbands willingness to support us and make it possible for me to stay home has been an amazing gift!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means saying that every wife belongs barefoot in the kitchen, or is called to be a stay at home mom. Many wives and mothers are called into the workforce and I applaud them for that. I don't exactly sit home knitting, I serve the Lord through the ministry of LIFE Runners and sometimes that seems like a full time job! I am, however, saying that we are all called to obey our husbands. Yup, there it is, I said the unthinkable. Every piece of the feminist driven propaganda is beating on the brain of women reading these words, so give me a minute to walk you through what I am trying to say before you brand me a deserter of all women kind!
This little line has been removed from most vows, mine included. I REFUSED to say that I would obey Ryan, there was no way I was going to say that. But what does it mean to obey your husband? Truth is that it is not the scary word we have built it up to be.
Obedience- compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority.
Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
So clear as day we are told that the biblical instruction is for wives to submit or obey their husbands. But God doesn’t stop there with the instructions because if he is asking wives to submit to their husbands he is going to give our husbands ground rules as well!
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
WOW, my husband is commanded to love me to the point of sacrifice! Why wouldn’t I want to submit to him! If he is loving me and seeking the Lord, then he will lead me where I need to go, he won’t take advantage of his leadership, and he will care for me beyond my expectations! Now you may be in a marriage where your husband is not doing his part, but that doesn’t get you off the hook. Unless he is asking you to do something immoral or illegal you still need to submit to your husband and pray fro his heart to be changed. Truth is that a submissive wife can get more done than a wife in rebellion!
To be obedient to someone you really have to be willing to be vulnerable with them, to trust them completely, and I should hope that no one says “I do” to someone that they don’t feel loves them and cares for them! To not be willing to come under your husbands authority as head of the household changes the structure of the design of marriage and enters rebellion into the mix! To be truly obedient we must respect and trust the person who is directing us. We are obedient at work with our boss or we lose our job. Our children are obedient with us as parents or they face punishment. We are obedient to law and order of our country or we face criminal charges. We are obedient to God or we face eternal consequences, struggles and hardships. So why is it that wives aren’t interested in obedience to their husbands? Well, we have been fed the lie that obedience implies ownership, the ability to lord over another person, but if you love your husband and you trust your husband then obedience should come easily, and if it doesn’t its time to start digging into the cracks of your marital foundation and begin to repair them.
When I met Ryan I was completely broken. I had gone through hell with my ex husband and my life had fallen into utter decay from my sinful choices. I didn’t want to say “obey” because I had no intention of ever letting a man control me and hurt me the way my ex had. I had put up a wall of protection and I wasn’t interested in letting anyone in, not Ryan and not God. Funny thing about walls, they may keep the bad out but they also don’t let the good in. I kept Ryan and a safe distance and it wasn’t until God crashed through my wall that I was able to see that the only way to go from there was towards God which meant I had to trust him. Once I let go and let God have his way I knew I had to let Ryan inside the borders of my heart and that was hard, but little by little we grew together and we moved forward. With each passing day and each tackled hurtle I realized that I trusted Ryan not to hurt me and that made me want to fall under his leadership of our household. The more I submitted to him the more love he poured into me. It was an amazing process!
So today, on our 10 year anniversary I whole heartily promise to love, honor, and obey my husband. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale, its two very imperfect people who have decided to walk through life together. To be willing to be vulnerable with each other, to be forgiving with each other, to be dedicated to making it work regardless of what life throws at us. To keep God at the center and to commit to pray for and with one another. To accept that we are flawed and make mistakes, but to trust that with God anything and everything is possible. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, until death do we part….
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