Its been 40 days since I have consumed artificial sugar, meat, or anything processed. NO, I did not make that decision as part of some diet, I made that decision because God called me to fast and that is what I felt would be the hardest and best sacrifice from my daily life. I am truly addicted to sugar, but not because sugar tastes good, but because eating fills a void. That void however is meant to be filled by God. So I embarked on this 40 day fast in the hope of once and for all breaking my eating disorder and letting God heal me.
What happened over the last 40 days is that I found that I could get through any stress put before me, any trigger situation, and turn the need to God and truly reject food as the answer. I have made it 40 days and the truth is the cravings for more are fleeting and much easier to overcome with prayer. What is even more miraculous is that I now sleep through the night, something I haven't done since my teen years. I no longer pick nervously at my cuticles, something I have done from childhood, and I respond less panicked when trouble arrives. I still have a long way to go with my attitude. I still struggle with a harsh tongue when I am under pressure, but I see very clearly how God is refining me. I want more than ever for my heart to be filled with patience and love so I can be long-suffering. I want to be the mother and wife God has called me to be and when I respond with harshness I am not filling that role.
This fast had everything to do with food and then nothing to do with it. It was a time where I said "OK God, what do you want to see changed in me?' God not only answered but he changed me. I feel like I can really lean on him and he is right there. This has not been an easy 40 days, in the middle of it all we had visa issues, my Dad had another emergency surgery, I ran out of my hormones and cannot get them here in Fiji, my Mom got hurt, I'm homesick like I have never been before, as well as the typical day to day struggles. By the grace of God I saw that I could weather these storms without the comfort of food because food didn't bring me the comfort I needed, only God could do that.
During these 40 days God changed the face of my fitness as well. My bike that has been my main source of fitness broke a spoke and the only one person on the island who can get me a spoke will not be back on the island for awhile. That morning as I stood looking at my bike I heard God say run. Since that day I have been training for a marathon and am running about 22 miles a week on average. A year ago I was crying out to the Lord to heal my knee so I could run A-Cross America Relay miles, and now I am running pain free daily! I have seen that the injury I carried was only ever spiritual and I am learning to trust God faithfully. He has healed me, and he has called me to run for LIFE and for his kingdom and because it is for him and of him I do not have to fear. I will be able to run, and I will not worry any longer about what might happen. It is in Gods hands.
This 40 days has given me deeper vision for the ministry of LIFE Runners in Fiji. Our chapter has grown from a handful to nearly 70! I see how God is working and I am learning to trust him to lead the way and open doors. In times where I may feel like nothing is happening God is still busy. I am planting seeds even if I may never fully see the harvest. The team here in Fiji has completely embraced the mission for life and they are a powerful group of faith. What a blessing they have been for me and my family. I love them deeply, these amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am thankful for them. I know that long after God has moved us to another place that LIFE Runners will continue here with great purpose because of them. I was also given the honor of being voted into an official National LIFE Runners position, Operations Assistant, and I am excited to see what God has planned that way. So many amazing things have happened, and I am just thankful that God called me to serve and that he gave me the courage to say yes!
I'm still trying to find balance in my life. I still struggle with giving God the first of my day, and I want to, he deserves the very best of my day, the very best of my attention. My runs are spent in prayer and praise and I value that one on one time where I am just in his presence. Especially when I start my runs an hour before day break and the world is still quiet.
My biggest fear is that tomorrow when I have to the freedom to eat whatever I like that I will choose to eat what I know I should not. Part of me is excited that the fast is over, that I can enjoy a bit more variety than my 2 salads a day, but the other part likes the safety of the fast. The promise I made to not violate it. This is where the true test begins. The moment where you have the choice to choose, where I can eat anything. I hope to continue to seek God and to not fall back into old habits. To decide that my thirst can only be quenched by God and that I do not need to return to food and fear. Isn't that the same for us when we begin to follow Christ. At first we are so excited at the newness of it, but then as it becomes part of our lives on a more deeper level we are faced with old temptations, not necessarily even sin, but old ways that could easily draw us back the way we came. I want to flee from temptation. Maybe that means that I will never eat another candy or chip, and maybe I will learn to control my appetite. I know one thing for sure, I will be seeking God closely during this transition out of my fast. I will not fall back to my old ways, I have come to far for that, and I know that my gluttony is something that stands between me and God and I want nothing standing between me and God. I guess if that means that I never get to eat candy or drink soda again then so be it. Christ gave up far more than candy for me, this is a small sacrifice. I will pray, and I will seek, and I will trust in where he leads me.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sad down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
What happened over the last 40 days is that I found that I could get through any stress put before me, any trigger situation, and turn the need to God and truly reject food as the answer. I have made it 40 days and the truth is the cravings for more are fleeting and much easier to overcome with prayer. What is even more miraculous is that I now sleep through the night, something I haven't done since my teen years. I no longer pick nervously at my cuticles, something I have done from childhood, and I respond less panicked when trouble arrives. I still have a long way to go with my attitude. I still struggle with a harsh tongue when I am under pressure, but I see very clearly how God is refining me. I want more than ever for my heart to be filled with patience and love so I can be long-suffering. I want to be the mother and wife God has called me to be and when I respond with harshness I am not filling that role.
This fast had everything to do with food and then nothing to do with it. It was a time where I said "OK God, what do you want to see changed in me?' God not only answered but he changed me. I feel like I can really lean on him and he is right there. This has not been an easy 40 days, in the middle of it all we had visa issues, my Dad had another emergency surgery, I ran out of my hormones and cannot get them here in Fiji, my Mom got hurt, I'm homesick like I have never been before, as well as the typical day to day struggles. By the grace of God I saw that I could weather these storms without the comfort of food because food didn't bring me the comfort I needed, only God could do that.
During these 40 days God changed the face of my fitness as well. My bike that has been my main source of fitness broke a spoke and the only one person on the island who can get me a spoke will not be back on the island for awhile. That morning as I stood looking at my bike I heard God say run. Since that day I have been training for a marathon and am running about 22 miles a week on average. A year ago I was crying out to the Lord to heal my knee so I could run A-Cross America Relay miles, and now I am running pain free daily! I have seen that the injury I carried was only ever spiritual and I am learning to trust God faithfully. He has healed me, and he has called me to run for LIFE and for his kingdom and because it is for him and of him I do not have to fear. I will be able to run, and I will not worry any longer about what might happen. It is in Gods hands.
This 40 days has given me deeper vision for the ministry of LIFE Runners in Fiji. Our chapter has grown from a handful to nearly 70! I see how God is working and I am learning to trust him to lead the way and open doors. In times where I may feel like nothing is happening God is still busy. I am planting seeds even if I may never fully see the harvest. The team here in Fiji has completely embraced the mission for life and they are a powerful group of faith. What a blessing they have been for me and my family. I love them deeply, these amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am thankful for them. I know that long after God has moved us to another place that LIFE Runners will continue here with great purpose because of them. I was also given the honor of being voted into an official National LIFE Runners position, Operations Assistant, and I am excited to see what God has planned that way. So many amazing things have happened, and I am just thankful that God called me to serve and that he gave me the courage to say yes!
I'm still trying to find balance in my life. I still struggle with giving God the first of my day, and I want to, he deserves the very best of my day, the very best of my attention. My runs are spent in prayer and praise and I value that one on one time where I am just in his presence. Especially when I start my runs an hour before day break and the world is still quiet.
My biggest fear is that tomorrow when I have to the freedom to eat whatever I like that I will choose to eat what I know I should not. Part of me is excited that the fast is over, that I can enjoy a bit more variety than my 2 salads a day, but the other part likes the safety of the fast. The promise I made to not violate it. This is where the true test begins. The moment where you have the choice to choose, where I can eat anything. I hope to continue to seek God and to not fall back into old habits. To decide that my thirst can only be quenched by God and that I do not need to return to food and fear. Isn't that the same for us when we begin to follow Christ. At first we are so excited at the newness of it, but then as it becomes part of our lives on a more deeper level we are faced with old temptations, not necessarily even sin, but old ways that could easily draw us back the way we came. I want to flee from temptation. Maybe that means that I will never eat another candy or chip, and maybe I will learn to control my appetite. I know one thing for sure, I will be seeking God closely during this transition out of my fast. I will not fall back to my old ways, I have come to far for that, and I know that my gluttony is something that stands between me and God and I want nothing standing between me and God. I guess if that means that I never get to eat candy or drink soda again then so be it. Christ gave up far more than candy for me, this is a small sacrifice. I will pray, and I will seek, and I will trust in where he leads me.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sad down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment