This morning I woke up with a million things already on my mind. This has been typical for me since we found out about our move to Fiji. I never stop and even when I sleep I have been dreaming of packing, moving, or taking care of some detail. I'll admit it I'm exhausted. I am a control freak, something God has been working on in me for quite some time. I want to make all of this happen when and how I think it should happen and that is not the way it is going to be! Some days I'm so busy trying to control the universe that I get nothing done but cause myself distress beyond measure. We need to sell our home, and I know that God will get it sold, I also know that he will do it when the time is right. I need to let it go, I need to trust him with this detail and since he has been taking care of the details from the first moment its surprising that I still try to hold on especially since there is no way for me to control it!
This is such a huge faith journey, sure we are moving to Fiji and from what people are telling me its on a lot of bucket lists. It is exciting to be moving. Its also heartbreaking to be leaving our dogs behind who are part of our family and trusting them to a new family. This new family is great and I know that they will love them just as we have, but they are so deeply ours in my heart that letting them go is so much easier said than done. Selling this house, the house we thought we would keep forever, the house we put everything we had into, the house we rebuilt with our own two hands. Saying goodbye to friends one at a time and knowing that we may never see some of them again. Family, I haven't even let the family part sink in. Saying goodbye to our families, knowing that Ella Mae won't live next door to her Grammie and Papa anymore. That rips my heart from my chest. Knowing that I can't help my parents or see them whenever I want, that's unbearable. I just said to Ryan that the reality of this has not sunk in yet, that we have been so busy I truly have not processed any of this yet. When it does finally sink in its going to hurt in ways I've yet to experience. This is it, we are finally saying that we will never live in SD again, that our lives are forever on this new path. The path that we leave for God to decide, the path that he has planned for us. We are giving ourselves completely over to his will and will go where he leads. It is scary and exciting.
I'm so thankful for all of the amazing prayer warriors that are lifting us up daily, we need those prayers. We need God to cover us and care for us and he will without a doubt. Its not going to be easy all of the time, he never promised that it would be. He did promise that he would not abandon us and that he won't lead us to where he won't cover us. We go with the hope that we can serve him in even greater ways. I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I go with a hopeful heart and willingness to dive into the great unknown where I know that his arms are waiting to catch us!
Hillsong United "Oceans" has always been a special song for me and one of my dear friends, and last night as I took the dogs to meet their new forever family it came on and I began to pray for my friend as I always have, but as I listened to this song that I have heard a million times I realized that this is now my song. My favorite words in the whole song...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United "Oceans")
That is my prayer, Amen.
This is such a huge faith journey, sure we are moving to Fiji and from what people are telling me its on a lot of bucket lists. It is exciting to be moving. Its also heartbreaking to be leaving our dogs behind who are part of our family and trusting them to a new family. This new family is great and I know that they will love them just as we have, but they are so deeply ours in my heart that letting them go is so much easier said than done. Selling this house, the house we thought we would keep forever, the house we put everything we had into, the house we rebuilt with our own two hands. Saying goodbye to friends one at a time and knowing that we may never see some of them again. Family, I haven't even let the family part sink in. Saying goodbye to our families, knowing that Ella Mae won't live next door to her Grammie and Papa anymore. That rips my heart from my chest. Knowing that I can't help my parents or see them whenever I want, that's unbearable. I just said to Ryan that the reality of this has not sunk in yet, that we have been so busy I truly have not processed any of this yet. When it does finally sink in its going to hurt in ways I've yet to experience. This is it, we are finally saying that we will never live in SD again, that our lives are forever on this new path. The path that we leave for God to decide, the path that he has planned for us. We are giving ourselves completely over to his will and will go where he leads. It is scary and exciting.
I'm so thankful for all of the amazing prayer warriors that are lifting us up daily, we need those prayers. We need God to cover us and care for us and he will without a doubt. Its not going to be easy all of the time, he never promised that it would be. He did promise that he would not abandon us and that he won't lead us to where he won't cover us. We go with the hope that we can serve him in even greater ways. I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I go with a hopeful heart and willingness to dive into the great unknown where I know that his arms are waiting to catch us!
Hillsong United "Oceans" has always been a special song for me and one of my dear friends, and last night as I took the dogs to meet their new forever family it came on and I began to pray for my friend as I always have, but as I listened to this song that I have heard a million times I realized that this is now my song. My favorite words in the whole song...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United "Oceans")
That is my prayer, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment