LIFE Runners Journey

40 days ago LIFE Runners all over the world embarked on an epic journey.  LIFE Runners joined together to cover 5,564 miles of the A-Cross America Relay.  Some of us covered unfilled legs remotely from all over the world, others in the US made pilgrimage to cover the miles, and many filled their local legs.  Together we became a living banner with our "REMEMBER the Unborn Jer 1:5" gear, offering up each mile as a prayer.  Some ran in the snow, the rain, the cold.  Others faced extreme heat and tropical storms, but as one united team we crossed the finish line in Sioux Falls South Dakota on Palm Sunday.

During this 40 days God has changed me so much.  He placed on my heart the desire to run the Suva marathon and so I began my training and was able to run 31 legs, which covered 107.64 miles of the Relay remotely from Fiji.  The awesome Fiji LIFE Runners chapter covered over 34 legs, 104 miles, of the relay as they embrace the culture of LIFE.  It has been powerful what God has been doing in Fiji.  When we first got here I wondered what God had planned for me in this country where abortion is still illegal.  God revealed to me that Fiji needs LIFE Runners possibly even more because abortion is illegal.  God had a plan and it has been powerful to watch him build a mighty chapter from just my family of 3 to well over 80 members in just a few short months.  The people of Fiji have been excited to embrace the life affirming message, it has helped them be able to talk about a tabu subject that abortion has become.  I still can't even believe how powerful it has been watching them stand for life!  The Fiji LIFE Runners have passion and drive and I have no doubt that God will continue to grow this chapter and work miracles through them.  As of right now I have heard so many testimonies of hearts that have been changed, babies that have been saved, salvation's that have come, all because God called and we all answered.

My life is forever changed.  I could never thank God enough for how much he has changed me, how he took a broken, lost, and hurting woman and gave me strength and courage to trust in him for everything.  He has broken all bondage, he is changing me every single day, and I desire to serve him alone.  Far to much of my younger life was spent in slavery to my flesh, but now I am set free and I will serve God with every breath until he calls me home.

I was given the great honor of 2014 Female LIFE Runner of the year, something that I still can't believe.  It is such an honor.  To God be the glory.  God called us to Fiji and we went, because we trust God to lead us where he needs us.  God gave me the courage to continue to run and speak boldly of the truth about abortion, and through that he led me to a church that was ready to take up the cause.  God is the complete architect of LIFE Runners in Fiji and I am honored that he used me, and will continue to use me.  LIFE Runners is so much more than running.  It is reaching out to those who are hurting and scared and being someone they can talk to.  It is about sacrificing your body and giving all you have because you never know who needs to read the words written on your back.  If I skip that run or that ride I may be robbing someone the encouragement they need.  LIFE Runners is about letting everything you do be a prayer, about trusting God to get you to where you need to be.  It is about fighting for what is right, and being the hands and feet of Jesus by reaching out to those who do not yet know Him.  LIFE Runners is a ministry, it is a way for all of us to be disciples out in the world, reaching out to those who need His touch.  LIFE Runners blesses my life every single day.  It has helped my family to get physically fit and spiritually fit all at the same time, it is our witness with fitness.  We won't stop until abortion is UNTHINKABLE!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit if the womb is a reward.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

As I continue this journey with LIFE Runners in Fiji and train for my first marathon I am drawn to the beautiful verse that is so fitting for a runner....

Psalm 26.2
Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.

I pray that as I run and call to God for strength that he will continue to refine me with every step.  That he will continue to remove from me what does not please him and show me what he desires from me.  I pray that I will have the courage to do his will always and to never back down just because it seems hard or scary.  I thank him that he didn't let me back down when he called me to bring LIFE Runners to Fiji.  I trust in the Lord to finish what he started, and I know that he will faithfully follow through.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Finding Strength in Shade

I love the sun, I love warm weather, I am made to live in a tropical climate.  That being said today I prayed for rain on my run.

I realized that sometimes in life we get really comfortable in the sun, but when the clouds roll in and the trials hit we start to wonder if the sun has left for good.  In the time when the clouds cover the sun something amazing happens.  Faith grows and you can accomplish more than you imagined.  I think God knows that sometimes we need shade to push to the next level.  He doesn't leave us, He is still on the other side of the cloud, but He knows that we need a bit of cool air to teach us to push harder.  In the shade we learn that we can dig deeper and trust God that we will get through.

We often complain about trials, and why not, they aren't fun.  But the truth is without trials I think we begin to take the sun for granted and we start to slip into our own reliance.  God wants us to want Him, and sometimes He goes silent, not because He doesn't hear us, not because He doesn't see us, but because when He is silent we have to seek Him.  I know in my life when everything is going good and life gets really simple sometimes I slip a bit further from God that I ever intend.  When He allows me to see that distance has grown I run back to Him immediately.  During the times in my life where God has been silent it has taught me that there is clearly something that He is trying to teach me and show me and it makes me a stronger person as I seek Him out.

Don't confuse Gods silence with His absence.  He is never far from us and He does not leave His children.  When you find yourself running in the shade, maybe it's time to push harder and further than you ever thought possible.  God knows you can do it, He wants us to succeed in His purpose over our lives.

Psalms 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.

During the times of trial we really need to get into Gods word, spend time in prayer and truly seek Him.  It is not enough to simply wait, it is a process of growth requiring effort.  It is an active process and if we want victory, if we want to be strengthened we must give Him our attention.  If I want to become a stronger runner I have to push myself, I have to take advantage of the shade and use that time to increase my pace, ask my muscles to work harder, tell my mind that I can do it.  It is the same when God is strengthening us.  We have to renew our mind by reading the word and praying.  We have to stretch our muscles by living out what we have learned and stepping out in faith when we feel God leading.

John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have to more abundantly.

When the clouds move in we can sometimes only see the enemy attacking.  We are looking the wrong direction.  When it gets dark that is when we run for Jesus, we look for Him and to Him.  He is greater than the devil and Jesus has already defeated him.  We need to keep our eyes fixed on the Lord.  When I run and I am at the end of my own strength I always pray "Lord, I can't go any further, I've got nothing left.  I know that you want me to make it to the finish, so I need you to carry me now."  You know what, I have never not finished.  God has gotten me there every time!  Honestly I normally have more energy after I pray and I feel the Holy Spirit with me.  My runs are spent in prayer and praise, trusting in faith that my feet won't fail simply because God will get me there.  God will get us through our trials if only our focus is on Him.  We have to have the right focus.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Trust in the one who makes all things possible!

The Marathon

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I have never run a marathon, I have not yet tasted that victory.  I hear that you are never the same after, and I believe that must be true.  I am training for my first marathon and I can tell you that it is changing me.  It is growing me, spiritually as well as physically.  As I run these training miles I realize that this faith journey is a marathon.

From the very moment that you accept Jesus into your heart, truly surrender your life to him, turn from the way of the flesh to the way of the Lord you begin training for your marathon.  Just like you wouldn't step foot out the door after never having run before and run the full 26.2 miles, God doesn't ask you to start the race just yet.  God begins training you, building your faith and endurance through trials and tests.  His training is painful at times, but at the end of each training distance you feel victory.  Sometimes we can't finish the training run, our feet fail, our faith fails, we stumble, but we don't give up!  God asks us to go run again the next day and the day after as he perfects faith and endurance in us.  He will never be finished training us, just like the day you run your first marathon is not the last time you will run.  Finally, one day, God calls to us and says, today is race day.  Its time to step out in faith in the calling on your life.  He knows that you are strong, that you have the longevity.  Although this race goes well beyond 26.2 miles, it is the most important race of our lives, to answer obediently the call of Christ!  He has a purpose for each of our lives, we are all called to serve.

As LIFE Runners the end of our current "marathon" is the glorious day when abortion will no longer harm our unborn, women, and men.  When abortion will become unthinkable.  When we as society embrace life from conception to natural death.  On that glorious day LIFE Runners will celebrate the end to an amazing journey, a victory for life, but as Christians our race will not be over, there will still be much work to be done.  Our race will not end until we take our last breath before God brings us home.

As Christians the race goes on for our lifetime.  That is why it is so important to train hard, to hide the word in our hearts.  To find strength in prayer as the Holy Spirit guides our way.  To seek fellowship with other believers so that we have a team that will cheer us on.  This is the greatest marathon of our lives, the plan that God has for us.  With perseverance we will press forward.  We will never give up!  All in Christ for Pro-Life!

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

40 Days and 40 Nights

Its been 40 days since I have consumed artificial sugar, meat, or anything processed.  NO, I did not make that decision as part of some diet, I made that decision because God called me to fast and that is what I felt would be the hardest and best sacrifice from my daily life.  I am truly addicted to sugar, but not because sugar tastes good, but because eating fills a void.  That void however is meant to be filled by God.  So I embarked on this 40 day fast in the hope of once and for all breaking my eating disorder and letting God heal me.

What happened over the last 40 days is that I found that I could get through any stress put before me, any trigger situation, and turn the need to God and truly reject food as the answer.  I have made it 40 days and the truth is the cravings for more are fleeting and much easier to overcome with prayer.  What is even more miraculous is that I now sleep through the night, something I haven't done since my teen years.  I no longer pick nervously at my cuticles, something I have done from childhood, and I respond less panicked when trouble arrives.  I still have a long way to go with my attitude.  I still struggle with a harsh tongue when I am under pressure, but I see very clearly how God is refining me.  I want more than ever for my heart to be filled with patience and love so I can be long-suffering.  I want to be the mother and wife God has called me to be and when I respond with harshness I am not filling that role.

This fast had everything to do with food and then nothing to do with it.  It was a time where I said "OK God, what do you want to see changed in me?' God not only answered but he changed me.  I feel like I can really lean on him and he is right there.  This has not been an easy 40 days, in the middle of it all we had visa issues, my Dad had another emergency surgery, I ran out of my hormones and cannot get them here in Fiji, my Mom got hurt, I'm homesick like I have never been before, as well as the typical day to day struggles.  By the grace of God I saw that I could weather these storms without the comfort of food because food didn't bring me the comfort I needed, only God could do that.

During these 40 days God changed the face of my fitness as well.  My bike that has been my main source of fitness broke a spoke and the only one person on the island who can get me a spoke will not be back on the island for awhile.  That morning as I stood looking at my bike I heard God say run.  Since that day I have been training for a marathon and am running about 22 miles a week on average.  A year ago I was crying out to the Lord to heal my knee so I could run A-Cross America Relay miles, and now I am running pain free daily!  I have seen that the injury I carried was only ever spiritual and I am learning to trust God faithfully.  He has healed me, and he has called me to run for LIFE and for his kingdom and because it is for him and of him I do not have to fear.  I will be able to run, and I will not worry any longer about what might happen.  It is in Gods hands.

This 40 days has given me deeper vision for the ministry of LIFE Runners in Fiji.  Our chapter has grown from a handful to nearly 70!  I see how God is working and I am learning to trust him to lead the way and open doors.  In times where I may feel like nothing is happening God is still busy.  I am planting seeds even if I may never fully see the harvest.  The team here in Fiji has completely embraced the mission for life and they are a powerful group of faith.  What a blessing they have been for me and my family.  I love them deeply, these amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am thankful for them.  I know that long after God has moved us to another place that LIFE Runners will continue here with great purpose because of them.  I was also given the honor of being voted into an official National LIFE Runners position, Operations Assistant, and I am excited to see what God has planned that way.  So many amazing things have happened, and I am just thankful that God called me to serve and that he gave me the courage to say yes!

I'm still trying to find balance in my life.  I still struggle with giving God the first of my day, and I want to, he deserves the very best of my day, the very best of my attention.  My runs are spent in prayer and praise and I value that one on one time where I am just in his presence.  Especially when I start my runs an hour before day break and the world is still quiet.

My biggest fear is that tomorrow when I have to the freedom to eat whatever I like that I will choose to eat what I know I should not.  Part of me is excited that the fast is over, that I can enjoy a bit more variety than my 2 salads a day, but the other part likes the safety of the fast.  The promise I made to not violate it.  This is where the true test begins.  The moment where you have the choice to choose, where I can eat anything.  I hope to continue to seek God and to not fall back into old habits.  To decide that my thirst can only be quenched by God and that I do not need to return to food and fear.  Isn't that the same for us when we begin to follow Christ.  At first we are so excited at the newness of it, but then as it becomes part of our lives on a more deeper level we are faced with old temptations, not necessarily even sin, but old ways that could easily draw us back the way we came.  I want to flee from temptation.  Maybe that means that I will never eat another candy or chip, and maybe I will learn to control my appetite.  I know one thing for sure, I will be seeking God closely during this transition out of my fast.  I will not fall back to my old ways, I have come to far for that, and I know that my gluttony is something that stands between me and God and I want nothing standing between me and God.  I guess if that means that I never get to eat candy or drink soda again then so be it.  Christ gave up far more than candy for me, this is a small sacrifice.  I will pray, and I will seek, and I will trust in where he leads me.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sad down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The Disconnect

I don't talk about it ever really, it's kind of the living overseas "elephant in the room," the disconnect.

Unless you have every lived overseas, far from all of your loved ones, your friends, your comfort zone this will be foreign to you.  I'm not talking about living on the other side of the Country, although that is hard, but living on the other side of the world.  There is a certain type of coping mechanism that seems to happen when you move so far away that there is no way you could even make it home in a day if an emergency arose.  It is the only way to live apart from the people you miss daily and would give just about anything to be near.  You have to disconnect.

It's living your life and letting the other side of the world live theirs.  It's hard, and it seems cold, but the only way that I can survive being so far from so many people I love is to not think about them.  I can't think about you all daily or I simply would not make it.  The days that I do think about you all I have a very hard time functioning.  I find that when I live my life, focused on my family here and the things I need to get done, I can do it without breaking down.  I know that sounds so cold, I'm getting "chills" writing it, but its the truth.

Living a day ahead of everyone means that sometimes its hard to text or to call when I can because the times don't match up.  Or by the time I do try to call its too late.  It means that I cant sit and look at all of your pictures every day or read your statuses every day because it hurts.  Especially family, when I see cousins hanging out with aunts and uncles, grandchildren with grandparents, or sisters and brothers spending time together, I am reminded that my daughter is missing out on all of that precious time.  Its not fair for her in a lot of ways, because she asks about you all the time and she misses you all.  This is where Ryan is able to make a living and this is where God called us to be so she knows she has to be here.  My heart aches that we miss reunions, weddings, funerals, can't help when emergency surgeries arise, can't be there when things are hard, can't be there to celebrate when things are good.  We are disconnected.

I think mostly I am writing this because I want to say that this disconnect that happens, that allows me to function as a human, to go about my life with thankfulness and gladness does not mean that I don't love you.  I truly, madly, deeply do.  That's why I must disconnect, its the only way to stop the daily heartbreak.  I do spend quiet moments thinking of you all, celebrating with you, feeling jealous over you, missing you, but I have to limit those times, I just do.

I truly hope that none of you, my loved ones, my dear friends and family, have felt forgotten or rejected by me.  That is why I am saying these things, so that you can know that I love you so much that it simply hurts!  One day maybe God will bring us back to the US to be able to be close to you all again, I pray he does if that is his will for this family.  In the meantime, please don't mistake my silence for rejection.  I LOVE YOU ALL!  

Cloud On the Mountain

Today as I did a short run with my husband in the middle of my marathon training I was awed by the sight of a cloud resting on the mountain of the sleeping giant.  It was beautiful, so peaceful, so relaxing, and then I started to ponder it.

What was it like inside that cloud.  Was it so foggy that the people trapped in it could barely see, was it storming, was it scary...

It really opened my eyes to the trials of life as we walk in faith in Christ.  Often times we find ourselves stuck in these "clouds" sometimes they disorient us and we don't know which way to turn, other times they terrify us with the uncertainty of what is next, they can cripple us with not knowing when it will lift.  Praise God he has a greater view of our cloud and he knows what we need to get through it, HIM.

From my view the cloud was peaceful, and from Gods view he can clearly see what way you need to go, how far you have to go, and how long until the cloud will lift.  We can't see the big picture, but those clouds always bring growth.  They teach us endurance, patience, faith, and surrender to God.

I don't know what trial each person faces, but I do know that no matter what cloud you find yourself in God has the answers.  Instead of stumbling around in the dark, or fighting against the storm the safest place is to come to our knees and ask him where to go and what to do.  I struggle with this, I often rage against the storm for a bit and then exhausted under the weight of my own addition to the problem I come to God humble.  I am trying to learn to come to God humbly first instead of freaking out.  I pray that God will teach me patience, and that my faith will deepen.

We may never understand all of our clouds, but I am certain that each one had a perfect purpose in my life and that I am more of the woman he wants me to be each day because of them.  No one likes storms, no one likes trials, but they are part of growth.

"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds."  John 12:24

Growth is painful, as a Christian we are called to die to our fleshly desires and ways.  I believe trials strip away the flesh and help us to let go of parts of us that are contrary to God.  No one likes to be stripped down, no one likes to be refined, it can be painful, but in the end you are better for it.  I am so thankful that I have an all knowing, loving God who looks at my cloud and sees the beauty waiting on the other side....

Looking Deep Within

I am just hours away from completing my 3rd week of fasting (one week each month) with my church.  This, like the times before, has proven to be a time where God really spoke to me.

Every time I fast it is a totally different experience.  I never used to fast, and now I feel like I am fasting all of the time, not that I am complaining, I'm thankful that God calls me to do so.  Fasting is especially important for me as I struggle with not only gluttony, but a weight control issue.  Fasting has taught me that I cannot let food and weight gain/loss affect my mood.  The scale can no longer control me and neither can my appetite.  I never fast for weight loss purposes, only spiritual ones, which is good because I never lose weight after a week of fasting.

This week God revealed to me that I still occasionally struggle with making snap judgements about people upon meeting them based on their appearance.  I also shy away from people that I really should embrace.  This revelation brings shame to my heart.  I didn't realize that I was still doing that, on a much smaller scale of course, but still doing it none the less.  This is baggage that must go, and I pray that God will continue to give me ample opportunity to meet and embrace people that I would not have in the past.

I also realized that some of this judgement comes from me seeing pieces of the old me in the new person I am meeting.  Maybe its the way they dress, inaproprtiate by my standards, and yet how many times did I leave the house in the past dressed completely disrespectful and inappropriately and yet had no idea at the time because my eyes were veiled. Whatever the reason, I am sad that these thoughts even come into my mind.  I am thankful that God showed me this remnant of judgement that I still carry in the depths of my heart and I have fully confessed to Him and ask Him to shape me and mold me and make me knew in thought.

There are so many things going on in our hearts and minds that we may not even notice on a normal day, and yet when we ask God to reveal them to us He is very quick to bring them to the surface.  I have made many mistakes, I have sinned plenty in my past, and I will continue to stumble, but I refuse to allow things like this to remain in my life.  I refuse to accept these wrong thoughts, I refuse to let my flesh win this battle.  I was bought and paid for by the shed blood of Jesus which means I am not my own.  My thoughts need to be his thoughts.  I need to be his love and compassion here on this broken planet.

"Love is an action verb.  If you love others, you do things for them.  To hate (in a biblical sense) is to do nothing or to turn away." Battlefield of the Mind ~Joyce Meyer

Ephesians 4:32
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.