Saturday, December 24, 2016

Connected




My family took a much needed mini vacation to our favorite spot in Fiji, Treasure Island.  We needed this time where Ryan and I didn't have to think about work or ministry but just spend some time on our family.  God knew we needed this time.  A potential cyclone had moved in a few days prior and we considered canceling but in the end we knew we needed to go so we did and it was perfection.

I love to take pictures, love it!  I see something beautiful and I want to capture it.  I spend a lot of my time taking pictures of the world around me because I just want to share what my eyes are seeing.  I didn't realize the impact of the message God would reveal to me in this.  I was sitting on the edge of the pool watching the ocean below.  There were fish hiding up in the rocks clearly trying to avoid a predator on the prowl and then I saw him!  This was our second sighting of the beautiful tiny black tip reef shark!  The first time he swam right up to us on the shore as we were getting ready to snorkel, so close we could have touched him.  I watched him cruise slowly on the outer edge of the rocks and instead of being still in that moment and enjoying it I called to Ryan to bring me my phone so I could snap a picture.  By the time I got my phone the shark was gone and I had missed it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to capture a moment, there is nothing wrong with wanting to share the beauty, but how often are we so busy trying to capture something that we miss the experience of it!  I realized that for two days I captured many moments, moments that I missed the experience of, moments that were there for me to enjoy but passed me by.  I put down the phone and I gazed out at the ocean realizing that far to often our faith walk can fall into this trap.

It's simply not enough to read the word, we need to experience the word.  It's not enough to just know of God, to have a picture of who He is and what He has done, but miss the intimacy with Him.  It's not enough to have religion, we must have relationship!  So many Christians walk around with an emptiness, it comes from not being engaged with God.  It's wonderful to read your Bible every day (you absolutely should), but it needs to go a step further, you need to consume the very word of God!

For example;
Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I can read this verse and think, "so I'm not supposed to worry about anything and I'm supposed to pray about everything and God will give me peace, sounds great but...."

Just reading these words won't change my view, but when I engage these words, when I put them to the test, when I ask God to give me understanding and to help me through this discipline I get to experience Him!  What I come to realize when I dig into this verse is that peace is something unattainable outside of a relationship with God.  Peace is impossible for those who do not know God.  Peace is a gift and it comes with instructions!  When I start to engage the word it changes my life!  A snapshot of the verse is nice, but the experience of the verse is life changing!

We are told to abide in Him and He will abide in us, without this very personal and relational connection we can not live effective lives.  It's not enough to check in from time to time, say your set prayer when you wake up, or before you go to bed and before meals.  These things are important, but to truly experience God we have got to stop taking snap shots and engage Him!  Abide is an action, we are called to be in the action!  It's interesting, no matter what filter or program you use, a picture can hardly compare to the beauty of what your eyes see.  It's where art comes from, where poetry is born, God's creation.  We see something so beyond our imagination that we want to capture it and share it, but when we do capture it somehow it doesn't compare to the real deal.  The experience, that is where the magic lives!

Pictures are great, they take us back to memories that we want to keep in our hearts.  There is nothing wrong with taking pictures, unless your focus is so caught up in taking the pictures that you miss the encounter.  I have noticed at certain times in my life my quiet time has gotten robotic and that it doesn't fill me the way it does when I am fully engaged.  I think as humans we sometimes struggle with that, each in our own way!  Time with God is not a box to check, its not an obligation to be carried out, but it is a relationship to be cherished and savored.  God loves it when we open the Word, but He loves it even more when we take time to talk to Him about the Word.  God loves it when we pray, but He loves it even more when we spend our day in conversation with Him.  Your eyes don't always have to be closed, God is walking with you and He loves to talk to us, conversations with Him are not exclusive to a quiet moment alone.

LORD, help me to experience You daily, to truly live each moment with You.  Put me in a position to encounter You on a deeper level each day.  You are offering me experiences, help me not to be satisfied with snap shots!  I'm sorry Lord when I detach and try to navigate on my own.  Teach me to engage life, to live it, to experience it all with You for Your purpose and Your plan.  I want to always abide in You so that You abide in me, I do not want to be a branch cut off by the business and distractions of the world.  You promise that if I draw near to You that You draw near to me, thank You for never leaving my side, for always speaking clearly to my heart and for keeping me pointed at the cross. Apart from you Lord I can not serve effectively for Your Kingdom, I want to bear much fruit for you in my life. Amen


Monday, November 7, 2016

Just One More Lord!

"Lord, please help me get one more." ~Desmond Doss

As I watched "Hacksaw Ridge" with tears streaming down my face, Desmond Doss' plea to God touched me on a monumentally deep level.  I realized in that moment that this should be and is now my daily prayer!

My "battleground" may not be a literal war with guns and bombs, but it is a war that brings death daily to thousands and leaves behind even more broken  and wounded survivors.  The difference between having an opinion and and having a calling is the deep seated conviction that drives you!  My battle to save the unborn and women from abortion is not just something I have an opinion on, it is a passionate, faith driven desire to speak truth into darkness!  Not only to protect, but to show those who have been wounded that there is a Savior who passionately loves and cares for them.

I have felt, lately, a brand new urgency to reach those who are broken with Jesus message of hope and to empower those who will listen so that they can be protected from the devastation of abortion before it ever happens.  Jesus is the answer to everything! I don't know how many days my life will have, but my prayer will be, "Lord, please help me get one more!"

"Lord, let me reach one more woman in crisis pregnancy who needs to know you.  Lord, let me help one more mother choose life.  Lord, let me help lead one more abortion scarred woman to your redemptive healing.  Lord, let me speak life to one more young woman being pushed to abort.  Lord, let me reach one more lost person with your message of salvation.  Through every struggle, through every hardship, Lord, please help me to get one more!"

I can't give up, because this isn't about me, this is about those headed to slaughter.  I won't give up because I have seen the faces of those who chose death and the way it broke them.  I won't quit because I have held sobbing women in my arms who felt hopeless.  I will never stop pressing forward, because I have seen the eyes of the unborn babies who were saved and they way their parents were protected from the harm that would have come had they chosen to end their babies life.  Until abortion is unthinkable and every life has value from conception until death I won't give up, I won't back down, and I will never stop fighting!  This is why God called me out of my broken life into the light and this is what I will spend the rest of my days doing, serving God, women, the unborn and families!

Sunday, October 9, 2016

My Faith Journey to Vanuatu




I want to start by saying to God be all the honor, glory, and praise!  He delivers, He provides, He leads, and I am just thankful that He has chosen to use me and my family, it is a blessing to serve God....

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit-fruit that will last-and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

It began with an email that left me excited and terrified all at once.  It was the door opening and I knew if I decided to walk through it, it would change everything.  I remember being brought to tears from a true sense of being overwhelmed by the gravity of it all, knowing we would answer the call but also knowing the road ahead was not going to be easy.  As I shared my heart with my mother in law, my daughter made the answer clear.  My precious six year old encouraged me and reminded me that God would give me the words, I just needed to trust Him.  I knew this was the moment that our ministry, and our lives as a family would never be the same.  My family was ready and with them by my side I sent the email back accepting an invitation from Raising Sisters to speak about abortion at the conference in Vanuatu and in my heart saying "yes LORD" to the call as a missionary family for LIFE.

Our family grew more and more excited as we saw this ministry over take any plans we might have had.  When God gives you such a big, bold dream and then opens the doors there is NOTHING like it!  I knew my walk with the LORD had to deepen, and I knew as it deepened He was going to do some "house cleaning" in my heart and in my life.  I felt drawn to God like never before, each day I desired more and more time with Him and each day He revealed more of me that needed to change.  Like an onion He continues to peel back my layers, changing me, refining me.  Praise God He is not done with me yet!  It hurts when you are revealed to yourself in such a raw way, to see yourself through the lens of change, but praise God-it is refreshing to see Him bring about real change in my heart!  The growing pains of change are no less pains, but the embrace of the Savior is all the comfort I needed in the process.  For the first time in my life, I began to see that my past sins, failures, and pains all came together in a beautiful portrait of redemption and healing, my testimony is my greatest gift in serving God!

My family found strength in the firm direction of our calling to the mission field, to serve as LIFE Runners by bringing education and training people to defend LIFE.  By boldly proclaiming the truth about abortion in countries where the truth was desperately needed.  God has called us to speak about abortion where the words are rarely uttered and considered taboo, but the act of abortion is daily committed.  In places where women were being broken, but no one was there to mend the broken pieces.  Not because they didn't want to, but because the truth of this brutality had not yet been brought into light, nor the knowledge of its horror made known.  We will go to the women of the South Pacific and open their eyes and hearts to the true nature of abortion, and we will deliver Gods message of hope, healing, and change.  All of these things are well beyond our abilities to do, but praise God He is ever faithful to provide and He always delivers!  Side by side with our teammates we will proclaim the truth!

As we neared the date to fly to Vanuatu, God began having me flex my Spiritual gifting by having me speak at a SPEF women retreat and give a message at my church home, Living Way Church Nadi.  As I trusted the Lord, He came through and used me to speak to my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Women and men being delivered from bondage and struggle was all the encouragement I needed.  I felt the Holy Spirit so near to me.  He encourages me and my faith continues to grow with every test and trial.  God is ever faithful.

Since we moved to Fiji, God has surrounded us with men and women of faith both far and near.  We serve an awesome God, who not only touches and encourages us Himself, but sends others to faithfully respond to Him to encourage and affirm.  I have been blessed with amazing prayer partners and mentors.  I have a husband who is more than I could have ever hoped for, an incredible man of integrity and faith.  A daughter who is a miracle in every way, with faith and prayers well beyond her age.  A church family and LIFE Runner core team that are ever faithful.  Amazing friends that have never discouraged me, but embrace the dreams and vision God has given my family for this ministry. We are so blessed.

The week finally arrived for Vanuatu and God delivered!  Every fiery dart the enemy shot was obliterated!  The trials came but it seemed to only strengthen my resolve.  I had been called to go and speak and I was not going to back down.  God took care of the details at home with Ryan's schedule and Ella Mae's care.  From the start I had told God if He wanted me to go I needed Him to cover the details of my household while I was away.  As I dropped Ella Mae to school the morning of my flight and went for my run I could not hold back the tears as I saw His promise answered.  God revealed how our family was surrounded by people of faith who had, without thought of their own inconvenience, stepped in to help take care of our daughter.  Those amazing friends who took her or were on standby to take her were a complete answer to prayer!  My precious husband, would be flying long days while filling both of our roles in the house and never once complained but cheered me on and encouraged me forward.  Because of all of this I was able to leave for Vanuatu in peace.

I knew something very powerful and important lay ahead because only hours before my flight my stomach became sick.  The me of only a short time ago would have called it quits right there and would not have gotten on that plane.  The thought of flying to a developing country when I couldn't even be a few minutes away from a toilet was overwhelming but I surrendered it to God.  At the airport Bui gave me a prophet scripture.

Jeremiah 1:17-18
"Get yourself ready!  Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.  Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.  Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land-against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land.

There was no question we were headed into battle!  It was by His grace alone I made it through the flight and to my hotel.  Fortunately we arrived on Wednesday and I didn't have to speak until Friday because by Thursday my condition worsened and by midday I was so weak from dehydration that I knew I needed help.  I prayed and my sisters prayed with me and then I called Ryan.  We decided it was time to find a doctor so Bui, who is a ray of sunshine, and I headed to the medical clinic.  I was so exhausted and dehydrated but Bui has an infectious joy about her and she just lifted my spirits!  Our mini bus driver had actually driven us past our hospital and dropped us a further 1km beyond it!  With laughter in our hearts we navigated nearly all the way back to our hotel on foot until we found the clinic that was so close to our hotel that we should have just walked in the first place!  The doctor was alone in the clinic and told us it was lunch break but he ended up taking me back for the examination and treated me for dehydration and a bacterial infection.  I will tell you the truth, I was already healed before I took the first pill.  God touched my fearful heart with the glorious laughter and kindness of my friend, it made all of the difference.  I rested, prayed and studied the rest of the day, I was ready!

My housemates, two of the other conference speakers and all of the Raising Sisters Committee, were such a blessing to me.  This is only my second conference but the trend remains the same.  The Holy Spirit comes and bonds you together and without even knowing each other or the message the others have prepared it all ties together in a perfectly delivered package!  That is the power of the Holy Spirit!  God delivered!  The first day of conference was a powerhouse of messages that reached to the hearts and needs of the women attending.  I love the way it feels to be empty so that God can flow through you.  The way it feels to speak out of the overflow!  It blessed me to be able to share what God had prepared for the women the first day and I was encouraged as the others speakers messages touched my heart, my needs, and brought about change in my life!

The people of Vanuatu are incredible, the smiles, the huge open hearts.  Even now as I write I long for their embrace again.  To see them so intimately yearning for what God is bringing to the table.  To hear and feel their hearts.  To see their needs and to want to carry some of the weight of their burdens.  The thing about abandoning your desires and clinging to Gods purpose for you is that the ones you come to serve end up blessing you!  God continues to break my heart for what breaks His and it is always raw and painful on a level I didn't know existed.  The people of Vanuatu have captivated my heart and I long for the time that I will return to them! The way they blessed me will be something I never forget!

I have to say that every single woman and man who came from Fiji for the Raising Sisters conference were such a blessing as LIFE Runners teammates!  They are All IN and it is because of that powerful teamwork that this was Fiji's first LIFE Runners international mission trip!  My brothers and sisters in Christ in Fiji have a place in my heart that is eternally precious to me.  They may never fully know how deeply they have impacted my family's life!  Together the LIFE Runners in Fiji and in America were lifting powerful prayers for us as I began to share this message of hope!  Being a part of something so powerful as LIFE Runners is life changing.  The precious board members back in America are such a strength to me, and their love, support, vision, and passion have made a global impact in ways that they may not even know!  God is so amazing!


I love the way God takes over.  His plans are above our plans.  He knows the needs of the people because He looks straight at our hearts.  I am learning to let go and simply be used by God and it is POWERFUL!  As I began to speak I was told that I would be having an interpreter because they wanted to be sure none of the message was lost in translation, so everyone could receive.  Mere came and stood beside me, we had never met, and I prayed for God to help us because speaking and waiting on interpretation is a "dance"-one neither of us had ever done before.  The fear that I wouldn't be able to have the message flow lasted for only a moment as I remembered that the Holy Spirit would deliver.  These words I am writing now will not do justice to what happened then and there, but God poured into me His message and He flowed right through Mere to deliver it to the hearts of the women.  For most of them this was the first time they had ever heard someone speak on abortion, the call for a changed heart from within the church, the rise to bringing abortion out of the darkness and into the light, and the deliverance and healing from its bondage.  To say the whole experience was overwhelming does it no justice.  I watched their faces as they received the message.  I could see the deep, hidden pain in so many of their faces and the hopeful expectation in others. What I saw was empowered women ready to take up the call to protect their daughters, sisters, and friends from the evil that is abortion. What I witnessed was a mighty move of God!  At the alter call so many women were set free from their past abortions and placed on the road to healing, as we prayed with them, cried with them, and held them close.  The women of Vanuatu will rise to the call, they will run and not grow weary!  We gained many LIFE Runners that day, but more than that we witness the beginning to healing for the women of a nation!  They are already on fire and are just gathering together and making arrangements so that I can come back and equip them with education and guidance that they would otherwise be unable to access in Vanuatu.  We will return and give them the tools they need to defend LIFE by protecting their women and unborn!

As I reflected on the many testimonies shared with me, I was brought to my knees.  People who had been struggling found strength, those who were seeking purpose were being empowered, the broken hearted were cloaked in healing.  That is what the many speakers of this awesome conference were able to deliver by the Power of the Holy Spirit.  Raising Sisters Conferences are incredible and it is because of their vision that we have been able to take the LIFE Runners vision in the South Pacific to the next level and a whole new platform!  There is no way for me to say thank you enough to the Raising Sisters Committee, but they know my heart! I could write pages on the powerful speakers and how they blessed and changed me with their obedience and powerful Spirit led messages.  I could share story after story of the testimonies that were shared with me, but for now I'll just share three that most encouraged me.

One young woman who came forward for deliverance from her past abortion spoke of how her abortion had given her the sensitivity to be gentle and compassionate with a young relative who ended up becoming pregnant and was rejected by the family.  She knew that she needed to encourage her so that she wasn't pressured to make the same mistake that she had.  At the session she was finally set free of all of her past guilt and shame! Praise God!  I told her that her testimony and her life experience made her the best kind of LIFE Runner because her heart was already sold out for the cause!

A beautiful nurse came to me and told me this was the answer to the dream God gave her and she was ready to lead this LIFE Runners mission in Vanuatu.  We actually had at least four women that felt called to lead, not just join, PRAISE GOD!  She said she had a dream that she was walking in a field and heard a baby crying.  She saw it was an abandoned baby so she picked it up intending to take it to her pastor and would ask to be allowed to raise the baby as her own.  As she began to walk away, she heard another cry and as she turned she saw a field full of babies.  She cried out to God that there were too many and she didn't know what to do.  She told me that this ministry was confirmation that the new medical clinic she and her husband had opened would somehow fill this purpose, praise God.

I later found my interpreter, Mere, as we were getting ready to leave. I just wanted to thank her from the depths of my heart.  I wanted her to know I could not have done it without her and that she had blessed me.  She told me that she had just come back from Australia after a round of chemo for breast cancer.  She had been asking God to use her.  She had never interpreted before, but praise God, she rose to the call.  God used her mightily that day, to deliver His message.  We prayed over her, we laid hands on her and we agree by the shed blood of Jesus for her healing.  God hears us, he is so faithful!  My heart is deeply moved by Mere, who could have been at home resting but instead came out desiring to be used by God.  What a beautiful woman of God, I know He has mighty plans for her.  Please keep her in your prayers!

As I have sat quietly, waiting upon the Lord, I am beginning to understand the vision for LIFE Runners missions that God has put on my heart.  The LIFE Runners ministry is a powerful one but it works differently in developing/3rd world nations.  The t-shirts spark the conversations and raise awareness, but we must also give them the tools to defend LIFE.  It has to be nurtured and cultivated and requires willingness to educate and train up the people so they can serve their communities.  In countries like Fiji and Vanuatu, not everyone has access to the Internet, not everyone has the ability to gain knowledge on such topics as abortion and yet abortions happen at a higher rate in developing nations verses developed nations.  The exact statistic is 37 per 1000 vs 27 per 1000 respectively (Guttmacher Institute).  This was the first Fiji LIFE Runners mission trip but it won't be the last! We saw how desperate they were for the message.  As Christians we are called to go out into the world and speak the good news and we resolve that is exactly what we will continue to do.  My family and I will continue to serve in whatever nation God opens the doors to.  We will take the educational tools we have access to and bring them to countries that are in the dark.  As I looked upon those beautiful faces of the women delivered and empowered God spoke to my heart.  "I pulled you out of the ashes of your life to serve Me in this purpose."

So I say "YES LORD!"  My family is sold out for you and we will deliver the LIFE Runners message where ever you send us.  Planned Parenthood, like a wolf in sheep clothing, is already lying in wait in all of these countries, so we must be there to bring the truth and expose the lies.  We won't back down, we won't give in, we will stand up and defend LIFE with our teammates all around the world, from conception to natural death.  We are All IN Christ for Pro-LIFE!

Life Runners is funded by donations alone, and to keep this powerful ministry reaching far and wide so that all women of the world are protected we need your help!  In America the youth are rising to the call and our school chapters are growing and expanding and with donations we are able to bless them with t-shirts and gear to proclaim the powerful message "REMEMBER the Unborn, Jer 1:5."  More and more people are answering the call and are reaching out to the scared and broken women who need our love and support, and your donations give us the opportunity to bless Pregnancy Resource Centers by supporting 5k charity runs/walks.  Please consider making a donation today to help us get the message of healing and hope further than ever imagined.  The t-shirts are often too expensive for those who join in our developing nations and the donations help us provide them with the shirts that are making a huge impact. We are also able to bring educational tools to them such as fetal models and brochures which are life changing in countries that don't have common access to ultrasound or developmental education.  If you would like to specifically help us in our outreach in the South Pacific and other countries around the world just ear mark your donation "international."  These are just a few ways that your donation to LIFE Runners can make an impact! http://www.liferunners.org/donate/

Thank you for considering partnering with LIFE Runners, with over 4,700 LIFE Runners in 28 countries around the world we are one mission minded team reaching to every corner of the earth, every donation makes a huge difference!

"The fight for life is not the cause of a special few, but the cause of every man, woman and child who cares not only about his or her own family, but the whole family of men." ~Dr. Mildred Jefferson

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Journey



Mark 4:35
That day when the evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”

Since I turned back to God 7 years ago God has taken me on a great journey!  There have been many times He has changed my direction as He navigates me and my family through the life and the plans He has for us.  Every time He has called us to set out on a new direction it has required us to “get in the boat” and to put our faith in Him.  When Jesus calls us to a new direction there is excited expectation but you can be certain there will be trials as you “journey to the other side.”  These trials are what better prepare us for the next level!

We have the option to respond to the trials in two ways.  Like Jesus, covered in peace while trusting in faith or like the disciples, consumed with fear and doubt!

Mark 4:38
Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion.  The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”

Jesus had invited them to go with Him across the lake but they lost faith when the storm came up.  Jesus didn’t tell them that they would attempt to cross the lake, He invited them to cross it, and because He is God we know that if He says something is going to happen we can rest assured He will see it into completion!  When we are called to journey with God on a new direction we have to remember that He is in the boat with us and He will make a way for us.  This “storm” is an opportunity to have our faith deepened.  The “storm” is not unknown to God and can only be calmed by God, we have no power to control our situation but we do have the power to control our response to what is happening.  Do we let fear overtake us or do we rest in the peace that comes through faith…

The storm is an opportunity to take hold of our faith and really experience how strong or weak it is.  It reveals to us where we need to grow.  How we talk during the storm is determined by our attitude.  Do we speak of promises made and yet to come or only talk of what we see as the storm rages on?  Our attitude shapes our heart and out of the mouth speaks the heart.  Attitude is just as important as our actions.  Faith behind our choices and motivation behind our actions are all seen by God!  Do we simply speak of faith but fail at faith when we are tested?  The destination that God has promised is on the other side of the trial, and how we walk through the trial prepares us for the next level of service.  Only by being tested can we grow stronger.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

Our faith is strengthened when we believe without a doubt what God has promised will come to pass.  We do this by acknowledging the very nature of God, He does not lie!  We also draw strength from remembering all of the promises He has kept in the past.  We have no reason to doubt God and yet we often do!  No one, except God, can be trusted without fail to keep their word.  God can not and does not lie to us!  What He promises He delivers, what He tells us is truth.  It is easy to have faith in the good times, but when the storms in our life start to rage we need to remember all of the ways He has faithfully provided!

James 3:10
And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.  Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Do we speak of faith when things are good but speak doubt when trouble finds us.  Faith built on a foundation of circumstances will be weak and easily shaken, but faith built on the promises of God will face the storm and not be moved!  We need to set our eyes on Jesus and get in the boat.  The journey may be filled with rough seas but if God has promised to take you to the other side you can be sure you will arrive!

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Obedience is an Act of Love



Today as I went about my day I decided to drop into a new dress shop in town to take a look.  As I browsed through the dresses all I could think was “which one would Ryan like?”  Well, I found the perfect dress and I headed home, excited to wear it to our anniversary date tonight.  I’ll let you in on a little secret…I don’t like dresses, but I have a closet full of them that I happily wear for one reason alone.  Ryan mentioned to me one time that he really loved me in dresses, that he preferred them actually.  That was it, I had become what I swore I would never be, I was now a dress wearing, cooking and cleaning, stay at home wife and mother.  I actually remember thinking women who let their husbands pick out clothes for them were crazy, but now I would rather Ryan help me choose what to buy because he is the only man I want looking at me anyways and I want him to like what he sees. Ryan would actually tell you that I straight up rejected the premise of stay at home mom when we were dating.  He had told me that he wanted a wife that would stay at home with the kids and I said, "then I'm not your girl!" I was the one who talked about the "lazy housewife" and mocked the very idea, but the truth was that came from a broken place, the place of knowing that I was never going to get the chance to be a mom. The me of 10 years ago would be groaning in agony over how much I have changed, and that is because the me of 10 years ago had not yet come to understand her place in this world and who she was in Gods eyes.  I’m so happy that I am not that girl anymore, that I have found my place and being who I was born to be has truly blessed me! I was born to be a mother, I was born to be a wife, I was born to serve God through a ministry, and my husbands willingness to support us and make it possible for me to stay home has been an amazing gift!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means saying that every wife belongs barefoot in the kitchen, or is called to be a stay at home mom.  Many wives and mothers are called into the workforce and I applaud them for that. I don't exactly sit home knitting, I serve the Lord through the ministry of LIFE Runners and sometimes that seems like a full time job! I am, however, saying that we are all called to obey our husbands.  Yup, there it is, I said the unthinkable.  Every piece of the feminist driven propaganda is beating on the brain of women reading these words, so give me a minute to walk you through what I am trying to say before you brand me a deserter of all women kind!

This little line has been removed from most vows, mine included.  I REFUSED to say that I would obey Ryan, there was no way I was going to say that.  But what does it mean to obey your husband?  Truth is that it is not the scary word we have built it up to be.

Obedience- compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority.

Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

So clear as day we are told that the biblical instruction is for wives to submit or obey their husbands.  But God doesn’t stop there with the instructions because if he is asking wives to submit to their husbands he is going to give our husbands ground rules as well!

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

WOW, my husband is commanded to love me to the point of sacrifice!  Why wouldn’t I want to submit to him!  If he is loving me and seeking the Lord, then he will lead me where I need to go, he won’t take advantage of his leadership, and he will care for me beyond my expectations! Now you may be in a marriage where your husband is not doing his part, but that doesn’t get you off the hook.  Unless he is asking you to do something immoral or illegal you still need to submit to your husband and pray fro his heart to be changed.  Truth is that a submissive wife can get more done than a wife in rebellion!

To be obedient to someone you really have to be willing to be vulnerable with them, to trust them completely, and I should hope that no one says “I do” to someone that they don’t feel loves them and cares for them!  To not be willing to come under your husbands authority as head of the household changes the structure of the design of marriage and enters rebellion into the mix!  To be truly obedient we must respect and trust the person who is directing us.  We are obedient at work with our boss or we lose our job.  Our children are obedient with us as parents or they face punishment.  We are obedient to law and order of our country or we face criminal charges.  We are obedient to God or we face eternal consequences, struggles and hardships.  So why is it that wives aren’t interested in obedience to their husbands?  Well, we have been fed the lie that obedience implies ownership, the ability to lord over another person, but if you love your husband and you trust your husband then obedience should come easily, and if it doesn’t its time to start digging into the cracks of your marital foundation and begin to repair them.

When I met Ryan I was completely broken.  I had gone through hell with my ex husband and my life had fallen into utter decay from my sinful choices.  I didn’t want to say “obey” because I had no intention of ever letting a man control me and hurt me the way my ex had.  I had put up a wall of protection and I wasn’t interested in letting anyone in, not Ryan and not God.  Funny thing about walls, they may keep the bad out but they also don’t let the good in.  I kept Ryan and a safe distance and it wasn’t until God crashed through my wall that I was able to see that the only way to go from there was towards God which meant I had to trust him.  Once I let go and let God have his way I knew I had to let Ryan inside the borders of my heart and that was hard, but little by little we grew together and we moved forward.  With each passing day and each tackled hurtle I realized that I trusted Ryan not to hurt me and that made me want to fall under his leadership of our household.  The more I submitted to him the more love he poured into me.  It was an amazing process!


So today, on our 10 year anniversary I whole heartily promise to love, honor, and obey my husband.  Marriage isn’t a fairy tale, its two very imperfect people who have decided to walk through life together.  To be willing to be vulnerable with each other, to be forgiving with each other, to be dedicated to making it work regardless of what life throws at us.  To keep God at the center and to commit to pray for and with one another.  To accept that we are flawed and make mistakes, but to trust that with God anything and everything is possible. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, until death do we part….

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Do You See What I See



Isaiah 55:8-11
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:  It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

If we depend on anything other than God for our happiness we will be disappointed.  That amazing trip you planned years for is over in a blur and leaves you wondering “what now?”  The big finish line you worked so hard to reach but after crossing the finish the victory fades pressing you into the next big challenge.  Or what about the dream you poured your heart and soul into only to have it die before your very eyes….

Dreams are great, plans are good, goals are important, but if they don’t line up with what God has planned for you they will far short, way short.  There is nothing wrong with taking an amazing vacation, as long as you are being financially responsible and can truly afford it.  There is nothing wrong with setting a big goal and accomplishing it, but it should glorify God.  Nothing wrong with a little adventure, but if you are expecting these things to give you lasting happiness you will end up being disappointed.  True fulfillment comes from serving the LORD.  He is our provider, He is the only drink that satisfies!  Every thing we do can be an act of worship, it all depends on your willingness to let God lead you down the path He has for your life.  God gives us dreams and ambitions when we seek Him and His direction.  When we follow what He has put in our heart we will accomplish more that we ever imagined!

When you do something fully for yourself it won’t be long until the excitement wears off, before the victory fades away, before the thrill is all but gone.  Just like me expecting my husband to make me happy is not only unrealistic, its unfair to him.  Does he bring me happiness, of course, but does he let me down, from time to time-yes.  He was not put on this earth to satisfy my needs!  He was put here to serve God, and part of that service is caring for and loving me, but my needs, my purpose, my joy must come from God alone.

I’ve crossed my fair share of finish lines but the only one that I really remember was the marathon I ran for God alone.  Its not the race that brings a smile to my face, it was the way that God filled my heart and carried me those 26.2 miles that makes it such awesome experience.  Only in service, only in faith, only with God can we truly be complete!  I will say it again, EVERYTHING we do can and should be an act of worship.  You don’t need special skills, God has created you to serve in your own special way.  You don’t need an education to be useful to God, just pick up your Bible and spend some time seeking the wisdom that He alone can give us!  Everyone was created to serve, and we all have the choice to do what we were created for or make our own way.  Sometimes we seek to fill the void with the the wrong things; drugs, sex, alcohol, food, exercise, adventure, etc. but these things leave an even bigger hole.  God alone is what we crave and the moment we put Him in the rightful place in our hearts we begin to see nothing else measures up!

I will give you an example from my life.  My eyes we really opened up to these things when I faced the reality of my weight loss goals.  I had set a number and a jean size and I wanted it, I wanted it bad!  I truly believed that if I could reach 140lbs and a size 6 that I would be completely satisfied with myself.  What I didn’t see was that I was setting myself up for not only failure, but painful backsliding in thinking that something as arbitrary and temporary as a weight or jean size could satisfy what I was “hungering for.”  Well I did reach 140lbs and I do wear a size 6 but the body looking back at me in the mirror hadn’t changed in my eyes (in spite of losing over 40lbs).  The disappointment of feeling like I had gone so far for nothing caused me to temporarily give up and I managed to gain back 10lbs.  I'm so happy that I gained this weight back.  It made me realize that I was reaching for something that was not supposed to be my focus!  Yes, its good to get healthy.  Yes, I need to lose some of my extra weight, but that should never change how I feel about myself!  I am now able to not have the scale deeply impact my heart and my attitude, because I realize that what size I am has nothing to do with who I am.  I did see that me binging on food was my new drug of choice and it was causing me pain.  It left me feeling guilty, angry, and completely disgusted with myself after a binge.  I was trying to stuff food in a hole that needed to be filled with God!  More important than losing that 10lbs again, is to finally be free of the power food and a negative body image have had over my life for far to long.  I will continue this journey to be healthy not so I can look a certain way, but that I can be who God created me to be, someone who depends on Him alone to supply my needs!  Every thing we do should be an act of worship!  My perspective and view of myself is what needs to be changed so that my fulfillment comes from my relationship with God and nothing else!  I share this part of my journey only as an example of how the enemy uses many weapons against us, to try to beat us down and weaken our faith but He cannot win if we put all of our hope in the Lord!

Isaiah 54:17
no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD.

The enemy is a LIAR!  Nothing in this world can satisfy us!  I dont care how much money you have, it will never be enough.  I don’t care how many nice things you own, they cannot satisfy your heart.  I don’t care if you travel to every nation of the world and see the wonders of this amazing creation, it will not fulfill your deepest desires.  The only thing that will quench the yearning of your heart is to let God fill it with His love, His purpose, and His plan! There is a yearning in all of our hearts, it was put there on purpose.  That yearning is where God wants to dwell, until He is the only thing we desire! 


Friday, August 5, 2016

Lean on God


Self Reliance- A false and misleading assumption that one can make it through life by their own will and desire relying on no one for help.  But we can not make it on our own will, we don’t have the endurance or ability and here is a little secret, we were never meant to rely on ourselves alone!  We were meant to surrender completely to God and rely on HIM!  He alone knows what we need and is faithful to provide when we need it. 

Today as I began my run I struggled with the heat and the headwind.  I was frustrated and I asked God why I couldn’t catch a break.  His response opened my eyes…


When we think we are strong we forge a path on our own will.  Our strength will carry us for a short while but it is not sustainable.  Like the headwind I faced, God will allow life to push back, to weaken us as we fight the very blessing meant to carry us.  When we rely on self there is no need for God in our lives, but God doesn’t leave us, He begins to work on us and presses in on us to show us the limits of our own strength.  Finally when we have fought long enough that we are completely depleted of our own abilities and we realize we need to turn back around the same “wind” that brought us to our knees will now carry us home!  If we truly want to be blessed in this life we must let go of self and trust God.  When we are not willing to let Him have control we fight against the blessings in our life without even realizing it!

Too often we find ourselves impatient to wait on the Lord, thinking we know how to get through what we are going through but the blessing in the struggle is that we can let God carry us.  We don't fight our battles alone unless we are unwilling to let God provide the way.  It's so hard to let go, I am a control freak and God continuously teaches me about letting go.  The amazing thing is that the more I let go the more peace I experience even when things are really rough.  I have come a long way in releasing my burdens and I still have a very long way to go, but little by little I see that the "wind" I am fighting against is meant to carry me if I will just change direction and go the route God had planned.  The enemy will even try to confuse us and make us think certain battles aren't meant to be surrendered but if it is a weight you carry you can be sure that God wants it, He wants to take it from you!

Ephesians 2:13
But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.  

We are precious, we are His and when we give our hearts to Him we can be sure that every detail of our lives matter to God.  Everything we do can and should be an act of worship, and that means that letting things burden us and distract us are things we need to surrender so we can focus on what God is trying to teach us.  I think that this for me is the biggest faith test, letting go and trusting God completely in all things.  It sounds funny when I say that out loud because God created the Heavens and the Earth, He created you, me, everyone and yet by not giving my burdens to Him I am basically saying I know better how to handle the things I face! THAT IS CRAZY!  I am thankful that God continues to work on my heart, to change me.  The things He has asked me to give up have benefited me and the things He has told me should be the most important have blessed me.  I don't feel deprived as a Christian, I don't feel left out, like I am missing the party!  Quite the opposite, I feel like I am finally living, that my life has so much purpose now! Everything has deeper purpose and meaning when you do it to serve the Lord.  I love my husband more, I strive to be a better mom, I hope to be a good friend, I pray to be a bold leader and a soul winner.  Those are ways I can serve God in my daily life and they make getting out of bed each day even more worth it! God alone is meant to be who we rely on and He is faithful to provide!

"Food can fill our stomachs but never our souls.
Possessions can fill our houses but never our hearts.
Sex can fill our nights but never our hunger for love.
Children can fill our days but never our identities.
Jesus wants us to know only He can fill us and truly satisfy us." ~Lysa Terkeurst (Made to Crave)

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Food for Thought


In my journey to become healthy one truth really impacted me, “you can’t out run bad food choices.”  It's simply a well known fact.  Most of us do it in the beginning, we run our first half marathon and then proceed to reward ourselves with a 2,000 calorie piece of cheesecake or a box of donuts, but the fact is that you simply can’t out run those foods, they are great in moderation but the daily habit of offsetting your running with a treat will catch up to you! Being healthy requires good food, exercise and most importantly time with God.

I have been asked quite a few times by people who have attempted to take up running how I stick with it, why I don’t give up.  I run in heat, I run in the cold (but I try to avoid that one), I run in the rain, and crazy wind (running in between cyclones can be challenging).  I run an average of 1400 miles a year which seems like a lot to me, but is nothing in comparison to what some runners run.  So why?  Why don’t I give up when it gets tough, and honestly it gets tough a lot!  I can tell you that if I was running to lose weight I would have quit, sure I lost about 10 lbs my first marathon training, but I gained 10 lbs the second time around and it wasn’t all muscle (those bad food choices caught up).  If I was running to glorify myself I would have quit because I am no record holder and although I know my running has improved it certainly isn’t taking me places in the runners world.  So why?  That is simple, I run for something bigger than myself, than my ego, than my waist line.  I run for God.  I run so that I can serve the Lord better.  When I run I have to fully rely on God.  There is never a run that doesn’t have some ache or pain, there is never a run that isn’t challenging in its own way.  Every run is an opportunity to trust God to get me where I am going and to reach people along the way!  I run as a living banner of hope, in my time on the street not only do I have complete focused prayer and praise time, but I have the ability to be where God needs me to be to encourage someone.  Sometimes there may be someone I get to pray with, sometimes I simply get to pray for someone as they pass by.  There may be countless people that the Holy Spirit is reaching out to as I run by with the LIFE Runners “REMEMBER the Unborn, Jer 1:5” message on my back.  I don’t know, but I do believe in divine appointments and I have seen God arrange a few in my life so far.  I run because I can and because God asked me to.  I run because we are to do everything we do for Gods glory!  We are sanctified and made Holy when we trust the Lord with our salvation through His amazing grace, and that means that everything we do can and should be an act of worship and service.  I run because my life is not my own, and this is my surrender!

Running can be a very selfish thing, it can become all about self and that is the area of our lives that God is always working on.  He wants us to see that we can serve Him in everything we do!  As someone who smoked and drank through her 20’s the fact that I am training for my 3rd marathon just reminds me of what a gift I have been given.  I will continue to run for God because that is what God has put in my heart to do.

Just like the fact that we cannot out run bad eating, we also can’t and shouldn’t take grace for granted.  I used to do everything for myself and paid little mind to what God might be asking of me.  I’m so thankful that God got a hold of me and set me back on the right path but my heart grieves for those who still seem to be hanging onto hyper-grace.  The truth is that when Jesus gets a hold of us we simply must change, He does that for us, and it is amazing to let the bonds fall off!

I fear that too many people/churches seem to miss the catch, and there is a catch.  If you go to John 8:1-12 you will find a powerful story of forgiveness

John 8:1-12
but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11 “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

This story shows the awesome forgiveness of our Lord and Savior.  Here is a woman caught in the very act of adultery, she can’t deny it, she can’t escape it, her accusers know that they have caught her, but Jesus looks the accusers in the face and defies them.  Today we see so many churches living in a teaching of hyper-grace and this is dangerous ground.  They would simply leave this story at “then neither do I condemn you” and nothing more.  BUT that is not what Jesus said and that is not what Jesus TEACHES.  He followed it with a command, he told her to “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

I used to be one of these “Christians” who left it at “neither do I condemn you” unwilling to give up my drinking and selfish ways.  It simply does not work, that is not the design.  Many Christians still commit habitual or lifestyle sins and that is a hindrance to Gods ability to use you and grow you.  Maybe it is gossip, maybe it is lying, maybe it is premarital or extramarital sex, maybe it is pornography, drinking or gambling, whatever it may be the message is clear.  Although grace does cover your sin it requires a repentant heart, a turning from, a willingness to “go and sin no more.”

Can you imagine the above story from John if the adulterous woman had behaved as we seem to more and more in society today.  If after escaping being stoned to death she rose to her feet and looked Jesus in the eyes and said “Hey Jesus thanks for getting those judgmental guys off my case, thanks for finding me not guilty, but you know what I kind of like my life and I love that man I was with so I’m just going to head back to what I was doing since you declared me not guilty!”  CAN YOU IMAGINE!  Yet that is what we do every single time we have premarital sex, every time we back stab and gossip, every time we watch pornography or questionable movies, every time we tell another lie, every time we drink ourselves into oblivion or gamble away our last dollar.  We look Jesus in the eye and thank him for his grace and then we tell Him that our lifestyle is more important than our devotion to Him.  That is hyper-grace and it is a modern day lie of satan to keep us on the path of destruction!

Its kind of like binge eating the night before a run.  Sure you can still run but its not going to be good and you will struggle.  When we indulge in things that aren’t meant for us as believers it hurts our fellowship with God, our time with Him is not as powerful as it is meant to be, there is something that stands in the way of that fellowship!

Galatians 5:17
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

Its time to take a minute and look within and ask ourselves, “is there something that I am taking a hyper-grace attitude over?”  If so its time to let the power of those lies be broken over our lives.  Its time to truly surrender those struggle areas to God, to seek forgiveness with a repentant heart and to never return to those choices again.  God is waiting and he is ready!


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Truth in Love

My heart is completely broken at the state of things in the US right now.  With the latests tragedy of the terror attack on Orlando my mind has been reeling!  I want desperately to understand what people are going through in their lives so I can walk with them through their struggles, and the pain of a loss like Orlando is not something I can even comprehend.  When a monster walks into a building and heartlessly kills so many people its hard to know what to say.  I did notice something even more troubling come out of this terror attack.  Inspite of the fact the act was committed by an Islamic terrorist, people were still blaming Christians.  That floored me!  The Bible teaches to love, not to kill.  So how do they arrive at blaming Christians for this....

I was fasting this week when it happened and I cried out to God in frustration to reveal things to me, to help me understand and to help me reach the broken.  God answered in a way that I did not expect...

I understand that the gay community has in many ways been rejected by Christians.  Many of these Christians (myself included) are well meaning, but have failed this community in our communication with them.  While we try to live out our faith, sometimes we don't express what we believe in a constructive manner, especially when we feel that our values are being threatened.  We must learn to balance our fears of our faith being compromised while still living in love.  I'm not saying that we let our faith become compromised, but I am saying that we need to live in faith and love not fear.  The world is not going to agree with us on many things, but that doesn't mean that we run around screaming at the world and pointing our finger.  We need to always be asking ourselves "what would Jesus do?"

Jesus was uncompromising, He never sinned and He did not condone sin.  That being said, sinners flocked to Him.  They weren't scared of Him, they didnt feel judged by Him!  Jesus draws us in, in a way that no one else does.  When we get face to face with Him we start to understand that we can't even come close to understanding the depths of His love for us and that love provides for us in ways nothing else can!

If I had the privilege to talk with someone in the LGBT community in light of this tragedy and they asked me "do you judge us?"  My answer would be no and this is why...

I believe you, like most of us, are standing before a well and you are thirsty.  What you may not realize about that well is that it offers a drink that cannot satisfy.  You can keep dipping into it but it will run dry and you will still be thirsty.   We all try to drink from this well at some point in our lives, it has many names, but the result is always the same, it cant satisfy our thirst.  There is one well that I would like to tell you about.  This well has only one purpose, to fill us completely and satisfy our thirst completely.  We can drink deep of it, there is enough for all of us and it will never run dry!

If you go to this well you will meet someone that loves you more than anyone else can.  If you are willing to sit with Him He will tell you everything about yourself, even your secrets and hidden fears, doubts and pains.  You will discover something as He reveals you to yourself, He isn't judging you!  He is showing you these things because He wants you to be free.  He wants you to experience love and fulfillment in ways you never imagined.  He wants to deliver you from all of your struggles and shames.  If you listen to Him a little bit longer after He reveals these things to you, He will then tell you who you really are and how deeply He loves you.  He loves you so much in fact that He died for you and broke the bonds of sin that separate us from God.  The choice is yours, the cup is waiting...

When you leave the well, if you accept His cup He will begin to transform you.  He will change you in ways you never imagined.  He begins to break down walls and open doors.  It doesn't matter what struggle or sin you came to Him facing, He will walk with you through the journey of change.  Jesus meets us right where we are, and the beautiful thing about it is when we meet Him face to face its impossible to stay the same!  All of us need to become the people we were created to be and that means all of us have to be willing to let God work on our hearts and our minds.  I don't judge you anymore than I judge any person because sin is sin and none of us are without sin.  We are all in a fallen state and we all need Jesus!  When Jesus gets ahold of us, and He is given reign over our hearts He will change us and we will never look back!

The well is not some fictitious place, one woman had this exact encounter and it changed her forever. John 4:4-30 tells us this powerful story.  This woman, a samaritan, would have been considered an unbeliever by Jewish standards as the samaritan faith was a combination of law and ritual from the Law of Moses, and various superstitions.  This woman was at the well at noontime which was very unusual and some commentators believe that she didn't come when the other women came because her lifestyle may have made her an outcast. Jesus connected with this woman, who most Jews would have not even spoken to, by telling her all about the rugged path her lifestyle choices were taking her on.  He didn't yell at her and call her a sinner, He simply told her what she already knew in her heart to be true, that her path was not the right way.  Jesus directs her from her sinful life to true worship.  Jesus did not ignore her sin because her sin needed to be confronted, but He approached her with love and that love won out!  She chose Him!

See when Jesus offers us His cup, the living water, and we choose to take it we can't stay where we are.  Taking His cup means leaving all other wells behind and trusting in Him alone.  You can't drink from His well and be satisfied if you are still filling up on water that makes you thirst.  Jesus gives us an all of nothing choice, we can either drink from His cup and let Him fill our every need or we can continue to draw from the well of the flesh.  Some of us struggle with greed, with hate, with envy, with our sexuality, with lust, with fear, and none of these struggles are too big for God to change in us.  Jesus holds the answer and it is for every last one of us.  When Jesus truly gets ahold of you it becomes impossible to stay the same, He changes us all.  That means that you are no longer defined by your desires, what you do, who you love or what others think of you.  You are who God says you are, a child of God!  It is important to remember that just because we choose to follow God doesn't mean that all of our flesh struggles disappear.  We now have God to help us choose to walk away from those things, but we still must choose and sometimes that is terribly hard.

Galatians 5:17
The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants.  And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of that the sinful nature desires.  These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

God will never ask you to change something in your life without being there to help you make the change.  This is not reserved for some Christians.  All Christians need to let their lives be transformed, we are all imperfect and we all need Gods mercy and grace to get us where we need to be in this life so we can serve out our purpose.  We all have our own brand of sin and I do not judge others for their struggle, I have my own struggle to face!

My prayer for those who are standing at the well willing to face Jesus and let Him minister to your heart is this...

(Ephesians 3:14-21)
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever!  Amen

So do I hate the LGBT community, absolutely not!  I love them as much as I love everyone else.  Love is a commandment, Jesus calls me to love.  I am sorry that I may not always be good at showing love to everyone, but as I draw nearer to God He is teaching me what it is to love out of the overflow!  I want to take a journey to the well with people who don't know Jesus and I want them to meet my savior who took me right where I was, drowning in my own sin, and set me on dry ground.  The world knows what we believe as Christians, we believe that the Bible is the living Word of God, unchanging and completely true.  I don't need to keep reminding you about areas of life we may disagree in because that wont get any of us anywhere.  What I do want to do is show you that I love you and that you matter to me, your life matters to me, your heart matters to me.  I would love to know more about you and your journey, and maybe just maybe we can travel to that well together....

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Finish Strong - A Journey of Faith


2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I had the privilege and honor of being invited to speak at The Raising Sisters Conference in Fiji this weekend.  Raising Sisters has a powerful vision for the women of the South Pacific and the entire conference was a true blessing! My precious Pastors wife, Bui, asked me nearly a year ago if I would speak on abortion during the conference and as much as public speaking terrifies me I knew that I had to say yes.  Last week I began fasting and praying and seeking guidance.  I prepared my speech and printed it out and practiced it.  I was ready for all intensive purposes, but I had NO IDEA what God had planned, He was probably laughing at me as I practiced that well scripted speech……

I’m actually an introverted person.  I get overwhelmed by large groups and although I like to talk, I struggle with engaging so many people at social events like a women's conference.  That first night a beautiful woman of God got up and spoke a powerful message that really touched me at the core.  It was beautiful, it was powerful, and I was inspired.  As I drove home for the night I couldn't hold back the tears as the enemy began his brutal attack.  “who do you think you are, why would these women even listen to you?  You aren’t a pastor, you aren’t an expert, you are nobody!”  By the time I got home I was shattered.  Who was I to think I could stand up and talk to these women about abortion!  Who qualified me?  

Ryan, who is my rock and spiritual warrior sat up with me as I poured my fears out to him, he listened and encouraged me and as we spoke God answered.  “Who are you? You are the daughter of the most High God.  I rescued you from your broken mess of a life for this purpose!  Who qualified you?  I DID!  This is who you were born to be!”

I finally fell to sleep recognizing that the enemy had tried to break me down but God had great purpose for this weekend, and He had a plan for me!

The next day the spiritual feeding continued through these amazing speakers and I felt my faith growing and growing.  The more our precious speakers spoke the more I couldn't help but smile as I realized that God was knitting together all of our speaking points.  None of us knew each other, none of us had any idea what the others were going to speak about and yet all of it was flowing together!  God is so amazing! By the end of the second day I was floating on Gods presence.  The messages I had received were clear.  Take it to the next level, get out of my comfort zone and leap into faith.  NO LIMITS!  I prayed as I drove home, “alright God, I will not use my speech, I will go up there empty so you can speak and pour out of me into these women.”

The morning of my day to speak arrived and I went for a run to spend time preparing my heart for what was coming.  As I ran my eyes were being pulled to the clouds.  There was something about them and I couldn't look away.  As I watched the cloud transformed into the dark face of the devil.  I silently asked God why He was showing me the enemy and almost right them the cloud shifted and an enormous eagle appeared.  Its wings were stretched wide, its tail fanned out over the earth, its head cocked to one side scanning the land below.  I stopped right there and dropped to a knee on the side of the road thanking God for His presence.  I prayed for a few moments and then felt released to continue my run.  As I ran I realized that sometimes we live thinking that the enemy rules over our lives from above, but HE DOESN’T!  He has no authority over us!  He scrambles around causing chaos in the earth but he does not see all and he does not know all.  God is like the eagle, he owns the sky, he can see everything from a greater perspective.  He guards over us from above and he knows every move the cunning enemy makes.  God is able to swoop in and destroy the devil at the perfect time. 

As I arrived to the conference my heart was overwhelmed, I was terrified.  I was getting ready to speak to 200 women about a very sensitive topic, abortion, and I had decided to not use my notes.  I continued to pray that as I trusted God He would fill me with His words.  I folded into His presence as I listened to the speakers who were before me and then it was my time.  I can tell you this much.  GOD DELIVERED!  I have never spoken out of the overflow of the Spirit before, but I did in that hour.  The Holy Spirit took over and I mean completely took over.  The words flowed smoothly and with powerful purpose.  I have no idea what I said, but I could feel the passion pouring out of me! God spoke to those beautiful women, He reached their broken places, He delivered some of them from their secret shames and He broke down bondage!  God knew what they needed and He filled them, igniting passion for their daughters and sisters, giving them courage and boldness for their women and the precious unborn.  God lit a fire that will not soon be extinguished.  After I prayed over women who were being delivered from their past abortions, repeat miscarriages, and attempted abortions I had no energy left but to sit in my chair and cry.  My heart wept in thankfulness and other emotions that I haven’t really experienced.  I’ve asked God to keep breaking my heart for what breaks His and He has been doing that.  The leadership team then prayed a powerful prayer of blessing over Ryan and myself and the LIFE Runners ministry.

While there was prayer going on inside the conference Ryan, Ella Mae and I took a little walk.  I just felt like I needed to just get outside for a minute.  I felt bad for being outside, but I just felt like I needed to stay outside for another minute.  Right then we noticed a little girl in the pool.  She seemed to be swimming but something just didn't feel right.  I asked her “are you swimming” and she didn't answer, and I noticed that she was starting to go under.  It took my brain a minute to realize what was happening, but she had fallen in and was drowning.  I jumped in and pulled her out just as she went under.  She was breathing and had taken on some water in her lungs but was coughing it up.  If we hadn't been there she would have drown, there were no other adults anywhere near at that moment, only other children.  My heart is still so very overwhelmed by that fact.  Inside the Holy Spirit was moving mightily and the enemy was outside trying to harm a child, but God knew it and sent my family to be in the right place at the right time.  I stood there soaked and the reality sunk in as the mother took her child to the doctor to be sure she was ok.  I crumpled into a pile of tears.  I was so thankful for God using me again, for putting me and Ryan right where we needed to be to protect this life.

In church this morning I was quietly waiting on the Lord and He spoke to me that now I needed to understand that my call was one concerning life and death.  In the same way that I needed to be where God put me at the moment the young child was drowning, God would be putting my family in the path of people who needed Him right at that moment.  Our obedience to respond and go without question was now a life and death matter, be it physical for a baby on its way to being aborted or spiritual for someone walking a dark and broken path.  I had prayed for the next level and I know that I will be ready for it because God equips us and provides for our needs, but until that moment I had never considered the gravity of my obedience/disobedience.  With tears flowing down my face I committed to go when called and to not hesitate no matter how scary.


The conference finished out strong and Ryan and I received another powerful prayer of spiritual gifts and prophetic promises over the ministry and our family.  I have never felt more depleted and more full!  God is so good!  Mighty doors have been opened, and the enemy wont be able to shut them!  How many lives will be saved as women join united for LIFE, I may never know, but I know that I asked God to take me to the next level and He is and I am ready!  It’s time to stop sitting back and making plans, it’s time to just step up and do it!  There is no turning back now, LIFE Runners in Fiji will be unstoppable because God has a plan and we will go wherever He calls!