40 Days and 40 Nights

Its been 40 days since I have consumed artificial sugar, meat, or anything processed.  NO, I did not make that decision as part of some diet, I made that decision because God called me to fast and that is what I felt would be the hardest and best sacrifice from my daily life.  I am truly addicted to sugar, but not because sugar tastes good, but because eating fills a void.  That void however is meant to be filled by God.  So I embarked on this 40 day fast in the hope of once and for all breaking my eating disorder and letting God heal me.

What happened over the last 40 days is that I found that I could get through any stress put before me, any trigger situation, and turn the need to God and truly reject food as the answer.  I have made it 40 days and the truth is the cravings for more are fleeting and much easier to overcome with prayer.  What is even more miraculous is that I now sleep through the night, something I haven't done since my teen years.  I no longer pick nervously at my cuticles, something I have done from childhood, and I respond less panicked when trouble arrives.  I still have a long way to go with my attitude.  I still struggle with a harsh tongue when I am under pressure, but I see very clearly how God is refining me.  I want more than ever for my heart to be filled with patience and love so I can be long-suffering.  I want to be the mother and wife God has called me to be and when I respond with harshness I am not filling that role.

This fast had everything to do with food and then nothing to do with it.  It was a time where I said "OK God, what do you want to see changed in me?' God not only answered but he changed me.  I feel like I can really lean on him and he is right there.  This has not been an easy 40 days, in the middle of it all we had visa issues, my Dad had another emergency surgery, I ran out of my hormones and cannot get them here in Fiji, my Mom got hurt, I'm homesick like I have never been before, as well as the typical day to day struggles.  By the grace of God I saw that I could weather these storms without the comfort of food because food didn't bring me the comfort I needed, only God could do that.

During these 40 days God changed the face of my fitness as well.  My bike that has been my main source of fitness broke a spoke and the only one person on the island who can get me a spoke will not be back on the island for awhile.  That morning as I stood looking at my bike I heard God say run.  Since that day I have been training for a marathon and am running about 22 miles a week on average.  A year ago I was crying out to the Lord to heal my knee so I could run A-Cross America Relay miles, and now I am running pain free daily!  I have seen that the injury I carried was only ever spiritual and I am learning to trust God faithfully.  He has healed me, and he has called me to run for LIFE and for his kingdom and because it is for him and of him I do not have to fear.  I will be able to run, and I will not worry any longer about what might happen.  It is in Gods hands.

This 40 days has given me deeper vision for the ministry of LIFE Runners in Fiji.  Our chapter has grown from a handful to nearly 70!  I see how God is working and I am learning to trust him to lead the way and open doors.  In times where I may feel like nothing is happening God is still busy.  I am planting seeds even if I may never fully see the harvest.  The team here in Fiji has completely embraced the mission for life and they are a powerful group of faith.  What a blessing they have been for me and my family.  I love them deeply, these amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am thankful for them.  I know that long after God has moved us to another place that LIFE Runners will continue here with great purpose because of them.  I was also given the honor of being voted into an official National LIFE Runners position, Operations Assistant, and I am excited to see what God has planned that way.  So many amazing things have happened, and I am just thankful that God called me to serve and that he gave me the courage to say yes!

I'm still trying to find balance in my life.  I still struggle with giving God the first of my day, and I want to, he deserves the very best of my day, the very best of my attention.  My runs are spent in prayer and praise and I value that one on one time where I am just in his presence.  Especially when I start my runs an hour before day break and the world is still quiet.

My biggest fear is that tomorrow when I have to the freedom to eat whatever I like that I will choose to eat what I know I should not.  Part of me is excited that the fast is over, that I can enjoy a bit more variety than my 2 salads a day, but the other part likes the safety of the fast.  The promise I made to not violate it.  This is where the true test begins.  The moment where you have the choice to choose, where I can eat anything.  I hope to continue to seek God and to not fall back into old habits.  To decide that my thirst can only be quenched by God and that I do not need to return to food and fear.  Isn't that the same for us when we begin to follow Christ.  At first we are so excited at the newness of it, but then as it becomes part of our lives on a more deeper level we are faced with old temptations, not necessarily even sin, but old ways that could easily draw us back the way we came.  I want to flee from temptation.  Maybe that means that I will never eat another candy or chip, and maybe I will learn to control my appetite.  I know one thing for sure, I will be seeking God closely during this transition out of my fast.  I will not fall back to my old ways, I have come to far for that, and I know that my gluttony is something that stands between me and God and I want nothing standing between me and God.  I guess if that means that I never get to eat candy or drink soda again then so be it.  Christ gave up far more than candy for me, this is a small sacrifice.  I will pray, and I will seek, and I will trust in where he leads me.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sad down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The Disconnect

I don't talk about it ever really, it's kind of the living overseas "elephant in the room," the disconnect.

Unless you have every lived overseas, far from all of your loved ones, your friends, your comfort zone this will be foreign to you.  I'm not talking about living on the other side of the Country, although that is hard, but living on the other side of the world.  There is a certain type of coping mechanism that seems to happen when you move so far away that there is no way you could even make it home in a day if an emergency arose.  It is the only way to live apart from the people you miss daily and would give just about anything to be near.  You have to disconnect.

It's living your life and letting the other side of the world live theirs.  It's hard, and it seems cold, but the only way that I can survive being so far from so many people I love is to not think about them.  I can't think about you all daily or I simply would not make it.  The days that I do think about you all I have a very hard time functioning.  I find that when I live my life, focused on my family here and the things I need to get done, I can do it without breaking down.  I know that sounds so cold, I'm getting "chills" writing it, but its the truth.

Living a day ahead of everyone means that sometimes its hard to text or to call when I can because the times don't match up.  Or by the time I do try to call its too late.  It means that I cant sit and look at all of your pictures every day or read your statuses every day because it hurts.  Especially family, when I see cousins hanging out with aunts and uncles, grandchildren with grandparents, or sisters and brothers spending time together, I am reminded that my daughter is missing out on all of that precious time.  Its not fair for her in a lot of ways, because she asks about you all the time and she misses you all.  This is where Ryan is able to make a living and this is where God called us to be so she knows she has to be here.  My heart aches that we miss reunions, weddings, funerals, can't help when emergency surgeries arise, can't be there when things are hard, can't be there to celebrate when things are good.  We are disconnected.

I think mostly I am writing this because I want to say that this disconnect that happens, that allows me to function as a human, to go about my life with thankfulness and gladness does not mean that I don't love you.  I truly, madly, deeply do.  That's why I must disconnect, its the only way to stop the daily heartbreak.  I do spend quiet moments thinking of you all, celebrating with you, feeling jealous over you, missing you, but I have to limit those times, I just do.

I truly hope that none of you, my loved ones, my dear friends and family, have felt forgotten or rejected by me.  That is why I am saying these things, so that you can know that I love you so much that it simply hurts!  One day maybe God will bring us back to the US to be able to be close to you all again, I pray he does if that is his will for this family.  In the meantime, please don't mistake my silence for rejection.  I LOVE YOU ALL!  

Cloud On the Mountain

Today as I did a short run with my husband in the middle of my marathon training I was awed by the sight of a cloud resting on the mountain of the sleeping giant.  It was beautiful, so peaceful, so relaxing, and then I started to ponder it.

What was it like inside that cloud.  Was it so foggy that the people trapped in it could barely see, was it storming, was it scary...

It really opened my eyes to the trials of life as we walk in faith in Christ.  Often times we find ourselves stuck in these "clouds" sometimes they disorient us and we don't know which way to turn, other times they terrify us with the uncertainty of what is next, they can cripple us with not knowing when it will lift.  Praise God he has a greater view of our cloud and he knows what we need to get through it, HIM.

From my view the cloud was peaceful, and from Gods view he can clearly see what way you need to go, how far you have to go, and how long until the cloud will lift.  We can't see the big picture, but those clouds always bring growth.  They teach us endurance, patience, faith, and surrender to God.

I don't know what trial each person faces, but I do know that no matter what cloud you find yourself in God has the answers.  Instead of stumbling around in the dark, or fighting against the storm the safest place is to come to our knees and ask him where to go and what to do.  I struggle with this, I often rage against the storm for a bit and then exhausted under the weight of my own addition to the problem I come to God humble.  I am trying to learn to come to God humbly first instead of freaking out.  I pray that God will teach me patience, and that my faith will deepen.

We may never understand all of our clouds, but I am certain that each one had a perfect purpose in my life and that I am more of the woman he wants me to be each day because of them.  No one likes storms, no one likes trials, but they are part of growth.

"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds."  John 12:24

Growth is painful, as a Christian we are called to die to our fleshly desires and ways.  I believe trials strip away the flesh and help us to let go of parts of us that are contrary to God.  No one likes to be stripped down, no one likes to be refined, it can be painful, but in the end you are better for it.  I am so thankful that I have an all knowing, loving God who looks at my cloud and sees the beauty waiting on the other side....

Looking Deep Within

I am just hours away from completing my 3rd week of fasting (one week each month) with my church.  This, like the times before, has proven to be a time where God really spoke to me.

Every time I fast it is a totally different experience.  I never used to fast, and now I feel like I am fasting all of the time, not that I am complaining, I'm thankful that God calls me to do so.  Fasting is especially important for me as I struggle with not only gluttony, but a weight control issue.  Fasting has taught me that I cannot let food and weight gain/loss affect my mood.  The scale can no longer control me and neither can my appetite.  I never fast for weight loss purposes, only spiritual ones, which is good because I never lose weight after a week of fasting.

This week God revealed to me that I still occasionally struggle with making snap judgements about people upon meeting them based on their appearance.  I also shy away from people that I really should embrace.  This revelation brings shame to my heart.  I didn't realize that I was still doing that, on a much smaller scale of course, but still doing it none the less.  This is baggage that must go, and I pray that God will continue to give me ample opportunity to meet and embrace people that I would not have in the past.

I also realized that some of this judgement comes from me seeing pieces of the old me in the new person I am meeting.  Maybe its the way they dress, inaproprtiate by my standards, and yet how many times did I leave the house in the past dressed completely disrespectful and inappropriately and yet had no idea at the time because my eyes were veiled. Whatever the reason, I am sad that these thoughts even come into my mind.  I am thankful that God showed me this remnant of judgement that I still carry in the depths of my heart and I have fully confessed to Him and ask Him to shape me and mold me and make me knew in thought.

There are so many things going on in our hearts and minds that we may not even notice on a normal day, and yet when we ask God to reveal them to us He is very quick to bring them to the surface.  I have made many mistakes, I have sinned plenty in my past, and I will continue to stumble, but I refuse to allow things like this to remain in my life.  I refuse to accept these wrong thoughts, I refuse to let my flesh win this battle.  I was bought and paid for by the shed blood of Jesus which means I am not my own.  My thoughts need to be his thoughts.  I need to be his love and compassion here on this broken planet.

"Love is an action verb.  If you love others, you do things for them.  To hate (in a biblical sense) is to do nothing or to turn away." Battlefield of the Mind ~Joyce Meyer

Ephesians 4:32
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

I Want To Walk On Water With Him

Wow has 2014 been a wild ride.  I honestly can't even wrap my mind around how much things have changed for our family.  It's not just about a move to the other side of the world, it's really more about the change that God has done in my heart and in my family.

This time a year ago we were wondering how we were going to make it through another year financially.  We had burned through India savings just trying to keep our heads above water, and I need to be clear that we were living debt free (short of our mortgage) and very simply.  We were not living outside of our means, but still it was becoming clear that we would not be able to continue on.  Instead of freaking out, or letting the growing burden tear our family apart, we came together strong in the faith that God had brought us home and he had plans for us.  We continued to seek his will and his purpose and in that time he broke down barriers, he set me free from bondage, he opened doors, closed windows, and he provided every single day.

When God called us to Fiji I really didn't want to go.  I could see every reason not to go and the only reason to go was financial, but the financial side was not significant enough to push me over the edge.  What I didn't know is that God had heaps of spiritual reasons for us to go.  Since India we have let God lead, its the only way we can imagine living.  Any time we have tried to choose our own path it has been trouble, but when we have sought God we have never been let down.  When God told us to go we knew that we would go, but it still hurt, and it was still a struggle to accept that this was his will.

I know from the outside, especially those who have had a cold winter, it looks crazy to say that it was hard to move to Fiji.  The truth is that when you live in a place like Fiji it is no where near the same as coming on some dream vacation.  This is real life and a developing country comes with many hoops and hurtles.  It may be beautiful, but our days aren't spent in 5 star resorts soaking up the sun on a luxury beach.  They are spent with school for Ella Mae, grocery shopping, and paying bills.  For Ryan it is work, and that changes things.  Still I won't say that we are unhappy here, Fiji is beautiful, and God has provided us with an awesome church family and great new friends.

When we left the US I felt I had found my place in the church and in the LIFE Runners ministry, but I had no idea how much further God planned to take me.  I still don't know how far he plans to go.  Our 6 months in Fiji have been filled with joy and trials, high hopes and deep let downs, but in the end I can see that they are all coming together for Gods will and purpose over my life.  Each day I am drawing nearer to God then I ever imagined and I still have so far to go, which is amazing!

For 4 months God prepared me, worked on me, waited on me, and then when he said go I went!  I want that for my life, every single day.  I want to go when he says go, I want to wait when he says wait, I want to be obedient to him in all things.  I am still being tested and tried and those trials get exhausting but now I know that each trial is truly making me stronger and better equipped for whatever he has planned for me and my family.

The Fiji LIFE Runners chapter started with 3 and is now near 60 in just 2 short months.  God has surrounded me with amazing Christians who are on fire for him and are listening to him when he calls.  I am so blessed by them and so excited to see what God has planned for LIFE Runners in Fiji.  I am blessed to just be a part of it and hope that I can continue to serve His kingdom in any way he calls me to, even when it seems scary or overwhelming.

I'm amazed at how much God has changed me again in just these short months.  I am blessed to know that he will never be finished with me, that he will continue to mold me into the woman I was meant to be.  He has called me both physically, with my running and cycling for LIFE, as well as spiritually, as a leader of the chapter.  I have never felt like a leader, I always prefer to just be a work horse and get things done, but that is not the position God has called me to, he is calling me to lead and so I will trust him to provide the ability for me to lead and honor him.  He started preparing me for this back in the US when he placed me in leadership of the RC chapter under a leader that taught me so very much.

There have defiantly been huge struggles and big trials.  Praise God he has helped us through every single one.  I expect there will be more, and I will trust God with them as they come.  My life is going to be filled with trial because that is the biggest area I need work in.  I let fear, doubt, and worry creep in when I know that God will take care of it all.  I am getting better, by the grace of God, but I still stumble in this area more than I care to admit.  I pray that with each passing day I will learn to follow him obediently when he calls me out.  I pray that I will no longer look at the storms surrounding me but will keep my eyes fixed on Jesus!

I want to give God the glory and here are just a few ways that God has provided.  We needed to sell our home by September, we closed in August.  We were able to pay cash for a vehicle because of the sale of our house and not put ourselves into debt when we arrived.  We found a great home that we live in next to friends that are more like family.  We found our church home the first week we arrived. My knee has been completely healed and I am able to run and cycle for LIFE Runners now without pain.  Our major visa issue was resolved on New Years Eve.  We have health insurance coverage which has helped us through our "transitional sicknesses."  Ella Mae has a teacher that has blessed her amazingly, in a school that will make a huge difference in her life.  We have been blessed by so many Christian friends and feel surrounded by the body of Christ.  Ryan has passed all of his hoops and is now typed in the ATR-600 42/72 which is a very big deal for his career.  We were able to add a beautiful horse to our family who has changed the experience for Ella Mae and myself.  We have had the opportunity to explore some of the beauty of Fiji and are excited to see more.  To finish the year God gave us a financial gift that we never expected and we are able use it to do his kingdom work.  The list just goes on and on, and I would love to share every single blessing.  There is no point in sharing the trial that surrounded most of these because the victory was already his.  I am thankful that he walked with us through all of these things and at the end the blessing was not something we could touch, the blessing is eternal.

More than anything I want my life to make a difference not for myself, but for him.  I want to serve him all the days of my life.  I want to walk on water with him, not because it brings glory to me, but because it reveals his great power over everything.  I pray that somehow he will use me to bless others.  I am thankful to be called his child, and I want my life to honor him.  In 2015 I hope to draw nearer to him and to learn more about obedience and faithfulness. I want more than anything to live without fear and to step out in faith no matter how rough the water looks....

Matthew 14:28-29
And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to You on the water."  So He said, "Come."  And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on water to go to Jesus.

Fullness of Joy

It is very rare in my life to stumble upon coincidence.  Maybe its because I truly believe in my heart that there is no such thing.  Since I have surrendered my life to God and asked him to direct my path, I fully understand that is exactly what he is doing.  There is peace and joy when we truly embrace this concept and allow God to lead.  Unfortunately during this process trials are expected and often come in wave upon wave, but I also know that these trials are meant to strengthen not to destroy.  God wants to refine us, to break down the flesh that stands against him and he wants us to draw deeper into him and his perfect will every single day.  I certainly try for this, but I'm very willing to admit that I fail more than I succeed.  Praise God he never gives up on me, but is actually the one who picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me back on the right path.

The two weeks Ryan was away at training were tough.  I found out about a visa problem that I didn't know existed right before he left, leaving me with no way to fix the problem except to have faith that it was being dealt with.  God was very aware of the issue and encouraged me along the way as I trusted in him.  Its hard for me to let go, a foreign concept for this control freak but I am learning piece by piece.  Then I hit a bus, which was only compounded by my husband being out of country.  Yes, everyone was fine, the bus was parked and I was being "bullied" by a big truck and I got to close to the bus.  Not the end of the world but still frustrating.  Then Ella Mae got very sick, twice, and my overwhelmed limit was nearing max, but in the end God provided and our health insurance came through.  Then Ryan was unable to come home due to flight cancellation and a family trip we had planned had to be postponed, not life ending but disappointing.  I made it through, sanity still intact, and my awesome hubby passed his base check and is now rated for his new plane!




We packed up and headed on our vacation.  It was going to be great and it was everything we hoped it would be.  A few days before we left my daily devotionals switched gear to "joy" and "restoring lost joy," my pastor even talked a bit about joy.  I know that when a theme like this starts building that it is in fact God talking to me and most often preparing me for a trial.  I was ready, no one was going to steal the joy that God had provided.  I understood that joy, the kind of joy that God provides for his people cannot come from my emotions, it can't be linked to how I feel, it has to be rooted in God.  I was about to get a real lesson on how little I really had accepted this concept, and now I know that I need to adjust my thinking.

As we headed out of town our full tank of gas stopped registering.  We were going to be driving a long distance to a place we had never been so the gas gauge was important.  I prayed, Ryan pulled over and restarted the car and it was fixed.  Back on the road again we enjoyed each others company and made it to the resort without problems.

We had the most amazing time, we had nothing but the sand, the ocean, and our family.  No TV, no Internet, just us and all the time in the world.  We took an awesome picnic lunch excursion where the hotel packed us a cooler full of food and water, drove us by boat to a nearby island that had an abandoned resort on it and a beautiful stretch of pristine beach surrounded by gorgeous coral reef.  They left us, alone, on this deserted piece of Gods beautiful planet and we were able to just relax and let go as a family.  Ella Mae played in the sand and had her adventures while Ryan fished and I snorkeled and explored the reef.  Although the visibility was not the best (incoming tide) it was still spectacular by the worlds standards and I just couldn't get over how many fish there were.  I have spent a bit of time exploring the reefs of Fiji and this one was outstanding and right off the beach.  Ryan even caught a juvenile Trevally.

By the time the boat came back to get us we were all completely enveloped in paradise.  I spent much of my time talking to God and thanking him for this much needed time away.  My joy was overflowing, not because I was surrounded by the worlds beauty, although that helped, but because God had given my family just what it had needed, some quiet time away.  Sometimes living in paradise you get so busy in daily life that you forget how amazing it is, and it is truly a must to step out of the day to day and be reminded of how blessed we are.  One day God will call us out of Fiji and take us somewhere new and I want to soak in this gift of time while we are here.  I love spending time an energy with the ministry God has placed on my heart, I love serving him in my daily life, and I am very thankful for these gifts he gives us when he calls us to rest in him and gives us a chance to recharge our batteries.

When we returned back to the resort I had a nagging desire to check my email.  I was unable to get onto the email through my iPad and was not willing to pay for Internet.  God kept telling me to let it go and to spend this time away from it all.  The nagging need to check my email was growing and growing, and I really had to start praying for peace.  I could clearly hear God telling me that if I checked my email that my joy would be stolen.  This of course made me worry what about my email might steel my joy.  God told me to trust him.  I was on my way to pay for Internet and I surrendered to God.  He was walking me through a trial that was keeping me from a bigger trial.  A day later I would see the big picture of it all.  So I trusted God, and placed my hope and joy back where it belonged, in my relationship with God and not my circumstances.

We ended the trip the next day and it was a flawless time of family and fellowship.

When we returned home I tried to check my email but we had no Internet.  I was finally able to load my email on my iPad and found 3 notices of no payment received for our Internet and that it was to be shut down.  I immediately got upset because I had payed the Internet on the 1st and so I went into my usual panic mode (joy gone) and we rushed to Nadi to fix the problem.  I never once stopped to pray, and I wish I had.  As we were driving I finally got through to the Internet company on the phone and they explained that it was a mistake and they reset my account.  We were able to turn the car around and head home.  As we drove home I reflected on it all.  If I had opened that email in Rakiraki it would have ruined my whole day because I would not have been able to call and would have been worried over it until we returned home.  God asked me to trust him by not falling for the bait, by not checking my email.  In the end I still didn't quite handle it the way that I should have, because I should have remained calm and trusted God, but I am a work in progress.  Because I trusted God at the resort I was able to avoid the drama.  I did see clearly that some of my "joy" is still linked to things of this world, my emotions, and circumstances.  Now I know that those are things I need to let God work on in me.  I love how he never stops working and revealing things.  One day I truly hope to have my fullness of joy come only from God and then it will be unshakable because God never fails us, he never leaves us, he never lets us down.

Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;  you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

My hope, my joy, my peace all must come from being eternally focused.  If we are focused on things of this world, or put our joy and hope in people we will eventually be let down.  To find true joy in God is to accept the gift he has given.  In salvation we find peace and freedom.  When we live our lives in the purpose he has given us then we can truly know joy because it comes from service.  Not in things we get or places we go, but in God and in His plan for our lives.  I don't know that I have ever actually known true joy until now, but I am starting to get a glimpse of it and I can tell you that I want more, because it is powerful when you find that your very purpose is in God and the service he calls you to.  Joy comes with closeness to God, the further you are from God the easier it is to lose your joy.  I want to draw as near to God as I can because I want joy!

Romans 14:17
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit

Forget Karma, Find Forgiveness

Karma
:the force created by a person's actions that is believed in Hinduism and Buddhism to determine what that person's next life will be like

: the force created by a person's actions that some people believe causes good or bad things to happen to that person

I was pondering karma the other day.  I would say that 99% of the time when I hear people speak of karma they are referring to the hope that someone that wronged them gets what they deserve. Some people ascribe to karma as a type of moral code, hoping that if they live well they will get their reward in this life or the next.  As a Christian there is no room in my life to believe in such things as karma. I believe in the moral code passed down by God and praise God he doesn't ascribe to karma or we would all be doomed!  We do reap what we sow, we have the choice to spend our lives serving and honoring God, and there are rewards for that in this life and in heaven, or we can reject God and spend eternity separated from him.  Our salvation has nothing to do with our works.  No matter how good we think we are we will never be good enough to deserve eternity in heaven.

Romans 3:23

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord

Let all of that sink in for a moment.  When we play the karma card hoping that someone who hurt us will be punished, someone that did wrong we feel deserves to get what they have coming.  Then think that because we are "good" people that our karma is good we totally deceive ourselves.  Praise God he doesn't use karma against us, we would all have miserable lives!  The truth is that even on our best day we still all fall short, we are all sinners.  We cant measure up to the standard put forth by God.  I certainly don't want my past mistakes to determine the rest of my life.  I have wronged people that I love, I have wronged strangers, if I were to be a believer in karma I would curl up in a ball right now and give up because I have a lot of punishment coming my way!  I am so thankful that God knew we would fall short, that we would sin, that we would fail, and he responded with love by offering his Son to pay the price for our sin on the cross.  This, however,  does not excuse the believer to act how ever we please.

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We are to live according to the guidelines set forth in the Bible, to try our very best to stay on His right path.  We will fall from time to time, but the question is how we recover from the fall.  Do we get up, seek forgiveness and run back to God or do we let the failing pull us away.  Our lives should be lived trying each and every day to draw nearer to the Lord, to seek His will over our lives, to become the person we were meant to be as we strip away the flesh and put on the new man he has made us.  God is jealous for us and He is also patient because he loves us and doesn't want to lose a single one of us to eternity apart from him.  That is truly what hell is, is the absence of God, it is the absence of love, it is the absence of good.  In hell the lost will know that God exists, if they questioned that in this life, and they will know that he is all they ever wanted but they will spend eternity apart from him.  There are no words to describe what that will be like, but in God giving us free will to decide if we choose Him or not he will honor that even to the grave.  He will never force us to be near to him if we choose not to be.  Hell is a personal choice, you either want fellowship with God for eternity or you don't.  God wants every single one of us to choose him.

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

God loves us, even while we are sinners.  He wants us to return to him and so he sent his Son to die for each and every one of us.  Even those who reject him.  We must choose if we will accept the free gift of salvation.  Before I truly understood it all, I thought that salvation was simply saying a prayer asking the Lord into my heart and I was set for life.  Past, present, and future sins forgiven.  I then carried on in my own desires resting in this false understanding.  I love the way my pastor put it this Sunday, I will paraphrase. 

The debate is not "once saved always saved" vs "once saved salvation can be lost."  The answer is once TRULY saved always saved.

That is it right there.  The truth is that when you truly come to salvation, when you truly understand that giving your heart to Jesus means giving up your life.  It means a total surrender to his will.  It means freedom from sin, not freedom to sin.  It means that you let the Holy Spirit guide you and change you.  It means that when you feel conviction you need to seek repentance and make the changes necessary to remove more and more of your "flesh" so that you can become the person God meant for you to be.  When you truly come to salvation it becomes impossible to stay in your sin.  The truth is revealed to you and you have to choose to either reject the sinful desires or reject God.  If you are truly saved the idea of rejecting God becomes unthinkable and leaves you only the option to reject sin.  When God got a hold of me, when he really opened my eyes to the salvation he was offering there was simply no way I could do anything but run to him.  I had to change everything about my life, I had to turn my back on all of my sin.  I had to choose Gods will over my life and I had to trust him to make beauty out of the ashes I had left behind.  It wasn't easy, it still isn't easy, but I can tell you that I am never going to go back to the person I once was.  God didn't leave me on the path of destruction, he chased me, tackled me, pinned me down until I repented, and then he carried me.  He still carries me when I struggle, he still walks with me when the trials hit, he is never far from me.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.

Praise God, karma is not a real principal on which we are judged.  Praise God, nothing we can do in this life can separate us from his love. Praise God, he loves us enough to wait for us and he offers us forgiveness we don't deserve if only we will repent.

Romans 8:38

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Forget karma, find forgiveness.  Offer forgiveness.  When you hold onto hurt that another has caused you, when you refuse to forgive you only hurt yourself.  Forgiveness if your way of saying that wrong done to you will not have any power over you.  We need to be quick to forgive if we also want to be forgiven.  Forgiveness does not excuse the actions of other, but it does set you free from the bondage unforgiveness can cause in your own life. I have an easy time forgiving others because I understand that we are all human and make mistakes.  This is easy for me mostly because I've made a lot of mistakes and needed a lot of forgiveness.  I do, however, have a hard time forgiving myself, and that is an area of forgiveness that God is teaching me about.  It is equally important to forgive yourself when you mess up because that is the only way to move forward.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Psalms 103:12

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Daniel 9:9

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him;

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!