Fullness of Joy

It is very rare in my life to stumble upon coincidence.  Maybe its because I truly believe in my heart that there is no such thing.  Since I have surrendered my life to God and asked him to direct my path, I fully understand that is exactly what he is doing.  There is peace and joy when we truly embrace this concept and allow God to lead.  Unfortunately during this process trials are expected and often come in wave upon wave, but I also know that these trials are meant to strengthen not to destroy.  God wants to refine us, to break down the flesh that stands against him and he wants us to draw deeper into him and his perfect will every single day.  I certainly try for this, but I'm very willing to admit that I fail more than I succeed.  Praise God he never gives up on me, but is actually the one who picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me back on the right path.

The two weeks Ryan was away at training were tough.  I found out about a visa problem that I didn't know existed right before he left, leaving me with no way to fix the problem except to have faith that it was being dealt with.  God was very aware of the issue and encouraged me along the way as I trusted in him.  Its hard for me to let go, a foreign concept for this control freak but I am learning piece by piece.  Then I hit a bus, which was only compounded by my husband being out of country.  Yes, everyone was fine, the bus was parked and I was being "bullied" by a big truck and I got to close to the bus.  Not the end of the world but still frustrating.  Then Ella Mae got very sick, twice, and my overwhelmed limit was nearing max, but in the end God provided and our health insurance came through.  Then Ryan was unable to come home due to flight cancellation and a family trip we had planned had to be postponed, not life ending but disappointing.  I made it through, sanity still intact, and my awesome hubby passed his base check and is now rated for his new plane!




We packed up and headed on our vacation.  It was going to be great and it was everything we hoped it would be.  A few days before we left my daily devotionals switched gear to "joy" and "restoring lost joy," my pastor even talked a bit about joy.  I know that when a theme like this starts building that it is in fact God talking to me and most often preparing me for a trial.  I was ready, no one was going to steal the joy that God had provided.  I understood that joy, the kind of joy that God provides for his people cannot come from my emotions, it can't be linked to how I feel, it has to be rooted in God.  I was about to get a real lesson on how little I really had accepted this concept, and now I know that I need to adjust my thinking.

As we headed out of town our full tank of gas stopped registering.  We were going to be driving a long distance to a place we had never been so the gas gauge was important.  I prayed, Ryan pulled over and restarted the car and it was fixed.  Back on the road again we enjoyed each others company and made it to the resort without problems.

We had the most amazing time, we had nothing but the sand, the ocean, and our family.  No TV, no Internet, just us and all the time in the world.  We took an awesome picnic lunch excursion where the hotel packed us a cooler full of food and water, drove us by boat to a nearby island that had an abandoned resort on it and a beautiful stretch of pristine beach surrounded by gorgeous coral reef.  They left us, alone, on this deserted piece of Gods beautiful planet and we were able to just relax and let go as a family.  Ella Mae played in the sand and had her adventures while Ryan fished and I snorkeled and explored the reef.  Although the visibility was not the best (incoming tide) it was still spectacular by the worlds standards and I just couldn't get over how many fish there were.  I have spent a bit of time exploring the reefs of Fiji and this one was outstanding and right off the beach.  Ryan even caught a juvenile Trevally.

By the time the boat came back to get us we were all completely enveloped in paradise.  I spent much of my time talking to God and thanking him for this much needed time away.  My joy was overflowing, not because I was surrounded by the worlds beauty, although that helped, but because God had given my family just what it had needed, some quiet time away.  Sometimes living in paradise you get so busy in daily life that you forget how amazing it is, and it is truly a must to step out of the day to day and be reminded of how blessed we are.  One day God will call us out of Fiji and take us somewhere new and I want to soak in this gift of time while we are here.  I love spending time an energy with the ministry God has placed on my heart, I love serving him in my daily life, and I am very thankful for these gifts he gives us when he calls us to rest in him and gives us a chance to recharge our batteries.

When we returned back to the resort I had a nagging desire to check my email.  I was unable to get onto the email through my iPad and was not willing to pay for Internet.  God kept telling me to let it go and to spend this time away from it all.  The nagging need to check my email was growing and growing, and I really had to start praying for peace.  I could clearly hear God telling me that if I checked my email that my joy would be stolen.  This of course made me worry what about my email might steel my joy.  God told me to trust him.  I was on my way to pay for Internet and I surrendered to God.  He was walking me through a trial that was keeping me from a bigger trial.  A day later I would see the big picture of it all.  So I trusted God, and placed my hope and joy back where it belonged, in my relationship with God and not my circumstances.

We ended the trip the next day and it was a flawless time of family and fellowship.

When we returned home I tried to check my email but we had no Internet.  I was finally able to load my email on my iPad and found 3 notices of no payment received for our Internet and that it was to be shut down.  I immediately got upset because I had payed the Internet on the 1st and so I went into my usual panic mode (joy gone) and we rushed to Nadi to fix the problem.  I never once stopped to pray, and I wish I had.  As we were driving I finally got through to the Internet company on the phone and they explained that it was a mistake and they reset my account.  We were able to turn the car around and head home.  As we drove home I reflected on it all.  If I had opened that email in Rakiraki it would have ruined my whole day because I would not have been able to call and would have been worried over it until we returned home.  God asked me to trust him by not falling for the bait, by not checking my email.  In the end I still didn't quite handle it the way that I should have, because I should have remained calm and trusted God, but I am a work in progress.  Because I trusted God at the resort I was able to avoid the drama.  I did see clearly that some of my "joy" is still linked to things of this world, my emotions, and circumstances.  Now I know that those are things I need to let God work on in me.  I love how he never stops working and revealing things.  One day I truly hope to have my fullness of joy come only from God and then it will be unshakable because God never fails us, he never leaves us, he never lets us down.

Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;  you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

My hope, my joy, my peace all must come from being eternally focused.  If we are focused on things of this world, or put our joy and hope in people we will eventually be let down.  To find true joy in God is to accept the gift he has given.  In salvation we find peace and freedom.  When we live our lives in the purpose he has given us then we can truly know joy because it comes from service.  Not in things we get or places we go, but in God and in His plan for our lives.  I don't know that I have ever actually known true joy until now, but I am starting to get a glimpse of it and I can tell you that I want more, because it is powerful when you find that your very purpose is in God and the service he calls you to.  Joy comes with closeness to God, the further you are from God the easier it is to lose your joy.  I want to draw as near to God as I can because I want joy!

Romans 14:17
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit