Christmas a World Apart

This year has been one of the hardest Christmas' for me.  I can not pinpoint why, its certainly not the first time I have spent Christmas overseas, but this one seemed harder.  I spent the entire month grasping at things that "felt like Christmas" but kept coming up short.  For me Christmas is the most special time of the year.  The celebration of my Lord and Saviors Birth is something to cherish.  I do miss my family, and I miss my friends, but I guess I am finally in a place where I was trying to figure out how to celebrate Christmas in the tropics, when Christmas has nearly always been "white" for us.  South Dakota and its beautiful landscape and snow always brings a sparkle of magic to the season.  I think I have finally grabbed hold of the fact that Fiji will be our home for a very long time, and I am happy about that, but that reminded me of something I had not thought of.  I may have grown up with frosty white Christmas' but Ella Mae is growing up with tropical ones.  I realized that we needed to start new traditions and make special memories with her instead of me lingering in my past.

We decided this year that we would spend Christmas Eve at Natadola and that would be a tradition for us.  I am so happy we went.  It was the perfect day at the beach and we had an awesome time.  The water was calm so I went out for a float.  As I floated there in the near silence of the day I was swept away by the peace of it.  As long as I floated in the water with my eyes closed I was lulled into a silent place of meditation and prayer.  I waited on the Lord.  He kept sending me "peace" as His message.  I realized that as I floated there and trusted God it was a lot like the way our lives go when we surrender and trust HIm.  As long as my eyes were closed and I was relaxing in Him allowing my thoughts to rest on Him and trusting Him to direct the currents I had complete peace.  It was only when I opened my eyes and lifted my head did my body sink and the noise of the world interrupt. It was beautiful really.  I spent that time in quiet reflection talking to God and telling that I desire to spend this next year with His peace as I trust Him to carry me down His path on His current.  I want Gods plan, Gods will, Gods way.  Right then and there as I floated in peace God reminded me that my sins have been washed away, that I am brand new in Him.  In that silent moment between me and God I offered up my prayers of repentance and asked God to baptize me and set me on His path for the year to come.  As I sunk below the water and then rose again I felt so much peace.  I am so thankful for Fiji, for our Christmas memories for years to come and the adventures and plans that God has for my family!

I pray that all of my friends will experience Gods love in an even deeper way in 2016.  I pray that I will serve God in an even greater way in 2016.  I pray that God will strengthen my family in every way in 2016.

GOD IS SO GOOD!

Merry CHRISTmas and a prosperous New Year!

That Race was Brutal....

Bru-tal
adjective
savagely violent
*punishingly hard or uncomfortable
*direct and lacking any attempt to disguise unpleasantness


This last week I flew from Fiji to California and on to Las Vegas to run an amazing race with my LIFE Runner teammates.  From the start it was clear that the enemy didn't want us there and he waged war against many of us in our lives and our families, but we pushed forward and arrived right where we were meant to be.  I can admit to you that of all of the places in the world the LAST place I wanted to go to for a race was Las Vegas, but it was the exact place God needed us to be.

I no longer struggle with my past addictions of alcohol, cigarettes, and the party lifestyle, but that doesn't mean I go looking for it.  It has been a long time since I have been in the environment filled with all of the lusts of the flesh, the things that kept me in darkness for so long, but I trusted God and I went to sin city ready to stand for LIFE and for truth.  You cant miss the enemy roaming around in Las Vegas, he doesn't slink, he lives out loud in the open and you can feel his very presence the moment your feet touch ground.  We were there to be a small beacon of light in a city shrouded in darkness, it seemed daunting, but then I kept reminding myself who goes before us, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The smoke, the gambling, the drunken masses, "sex" being sold on every billboard, skin everywhere you turned, and lives in the midst of being broken and shattered around every corner.  Las Vegas is the place where sin lives in the open, glorified for all to see and encouraged to join in.  As I walked through the smokey casino from my room to the street I looked at the people, some drunk in the middle of the day, others hopefully dropping money into slot machines with a dream of getting rich while throwing it all away, many looking for love or breaking vows, my heart broke.  My heart broke because I was once these people, desperate for the world to satisfy in some small way not realizing that the world will always fail you.  There was a point in my life where I was one who drank to numb the hurt, who searched for love from strangers, who stumbled around in the dark turning my back on the light.  I wanted to help them, to show them that love was waiting for them, He is the light and all they need to do is step out of the darkness.  Satan is such a liar, and he loves to keep us pinned down in the weight of this world and its troubles, but Jesus is always extending His hand to us, waiting for us, never giving up on us.

Matthew 5:14
"You are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."

It was a powerful weekend of team building and I am so thankful for my teammates.  If I ever had to face Las Vegas they were the people I wanted to do it with.  People that I could be real with, express how heavy of a burden my past mistakes felt like surrounded by this place.  They were uplifting and encouraging and we, as a team, brought the Light of Jesus into this dark city.  We had the opportunity to pray over Las Vegas' pregnancy resource center, First Choice Pregnancy Services.  It is a tiny jewel of a clinic in this massive city run by the flesh.  It perfectly stood its ground ahead of the gated and uninviting abortion clinic.  As I walked down the street praying over the path a pregnant woman would take towards the abortion clinic it warmed my heart to see this center standing in the gap beckoning women in with love and kindness.  I was floored by the sheer numbers this center sees each week and it is clear that God is using them to save lives by the thousands!  It was a privilege to pray over the clinic, to lay my hands on its walls and ask for blessings and protection, for lives to be saved, both of the mother and the child.  I also grasped the cold black bars of the abortion clinic.  The moment I began to pray I was overcome and began to cry.  These women are lied to by the world, they are given promises that cannot be kept and the world has failed them.  In a city where sex sells, and flesh is the currency, women find themselves stuck when they face unplanned pregnancy.  They feel like they have no other choice and then the abortion clinic sells them abortion as the only option.  My heart was broken right then and there and I continued to pray and cry out to the Lord to reclaim this place for His glory.  It is my hope that not one more life will be taken at that clinic, and that First Choice will continue to grow and provide loving care for women in need.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand

Race time came and it was less than ideal.  First off it was a night race and for me that was a challenge for my food intake, but by the grace of God I worked it out and was able to run and not be full.  The Las Vegas Rock n Roll Marathon/Half is huge!  I believe that there were nearly 40,000 people with the 4 races combined.  I have never seen anything like it.  It took a full hour for my corral to make it to the start line.  In the time of waiting weather decreased and we faced a brutal race.  20-25mph winds gusting up to 40mph, then came the rain and the temperature was cold.  As I stood there cuddled up with teammates waiting for the start I was drawn into the club music that was blasting.  Music was always a gateway for me.  One of the first things God called me to purge out of my daily life after my complete return to Him was my music.  I realized how quickly that familiar music pulled me back into memories of my party days.  My heart became heavy waiting and I fought the urge for a night out on the town.  I began to pray and then put on my ear buds and began listening to my Christian music.  God gently encouraged me forward, reminding me that I was a new creation, the past was behind me and forward was the only direction He wanted me to look.  When I passed the start line the rain started and I smiled realizing that this race was going to fight me to the end, but God was with me.  As we rounded the corner to head back down the strip, all of its lights, and allure drawing you in I began to pray and thank God for delivering me.  I realized that this was my redemptive run.  Satan had lost me, God had delivered me back into the fold so many years ago and this was my chance to face the party that used to call my name and reject it for Gods glory.  As I ran God began to heal my past.  My shame disappeared, my sorrow and regret faded, and I realized that I was brand new.  I had faced my fears and God had delivered me.  As I ran I prayed, I had to pray, there was no other way I was crossing that finish line.  I needed God every single step.  It was cold, it was windy, I was tired, but I was not going to give up!  There, running amongst thousands, I knew that God had a mighty purpose for not only me, but for LIFE Runners in Vegas and all over the world,  I was so happy I went!  Sometimes the gusts of wind would nearly knock us over, and by the grace of God I kept standing.  That is how life is, the world tries to knock you down, and sometimes it succeeds, but God is there to pick you up if that happens.  This race was hard, I struggled with the cold, the wind, and random runners aches that aren't even worth mentioning.  God continually encouraged me forward and I found that I had everything I needed.  When I run, I rarely run with a time goal because I let God set my pace.  I trust God that I go the speed I need to go to impact the people around me with His LIFE affirming message.  I did hope to PB this race, and set a hopeful time goal.  As I ran and fought the elements I resigned myself that I would just be happy to finish the race.  God is so faithful, He gave me so much energy the last 3 miles that I pushed earlier than I ever would have, and if I hadn't been fighting to get through a crowd of walkers and 40mph winds attempting to take me out I know I would have blown my goal out of the water.  In the end I did get my best time ever of a half marathon and that was awesome, but that was not the prize.  The prize for the weekend was looking my past in the face and saying, "you have no power over me anymore.  My sins are bought and paid for and I willingly give my life over to God every single day for His purpose not my own!"  The medal was all of the people who approached us and asked about LIFE Runners, or who made encouraging comments.  The weekend was a blessing filled with amazing team and friendship building, an opportunity to minister to each others hearts. You see people are looking for something Vegas can't give them, they are looking for love, hope, and freedom and that can only be found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Matthew 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven

The word of the weekend was "brutal."  It comes from a funny elevator encounter with a courageous young man who referred to his first 5K as brutal.  You had to be there, but considering that he was speaking to seasoned runners, the idea of a brutal 5k was too far behind us to remember.  Fortunately God reminded us what a brutal Marathon/Half marathon looked like the very next day.  We laughed and joked about "brutal" races all weekend, and it created some extremely fun memories, but somehow this word "brutal" reached deeper into my heart the more we spoke of it.  I began to realize that "brutal" was the perfect word for the battle we fight every day for LIFE.  You see women face brutal opposition when they are coerced to get an abortion, they face brutal hardship when friends and family reject them in the face of unplanned pregnancy.  They are stuck with the brutal consequences of past abortions that flood them with guilt and sorrow.  Those precious unborn are ripped from the womb and die brutal deaths.  An abortion is one of the most brutal acts that can be performed on a woman.  Brutality is satan's handiwork, he loves to hurt us, to make us suffer.  Abortion is his crown jewel, convincing society that it is right to brutally remove the unborn from their mothers womb for convenience sake.  We went to Las Vegas to offer love and hope, and I believe for that weekend satan could not step foot in Vegas because we came there as the light of Jesus and the Light drives out the darkness.

God also blessed my family while we were away by answering some prayer needs and bringing healing to some relationships.  God is so good, I just can't say that enough.  If you lay your burdens at His feet He will carry you and them.  He never fails us, even when it feels like He isn't answering.  He sees a picture so much bigger than we could ever imagine and I am thankful that I am finally in a place where I am learning to rest in the unknown, because He has it all in the palm of his hands....

Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

At the Cross

Today as I ran with my husband I was reflecting on how unimaginable it is that Jesus not only died for me on the cross, but He would have died for just me, even if I was the one hammering in the nails.  It was in that moment when I really started to think about the character list involved at the crucifixion that I clearly saw that I was at the cross and at one point or another in my life I have been every single one of the characters there that day.  My heart tried to grasp the heaviness of it all, and I felt Gods love even stronger in that brutal reality!

We are Pilate when we decide to go along with what society says for the sake of not stirring up the crowd.  How often do we say things like, "Well I would never personally do that but who am I to tell someone else what they cannot do" that is a Pilate moment, a moment when we know what is right but we hide behind fear of rejection and refuse to stand against what society is force feeding us.

We are the Pharisees when we get so caught up in legalism that we lose sight of everything that Jesus has shown us.  When we start to trust works and ritual for our salvation instead of trusting God that His grace is sufficient.  That our sins have been forgiven by Christ alone and that there is no payment to be made.  We become the Pharisees when we get far to caught up in doctrine that we miss the point, that it is our job to trust completely in the Lord for deliverance and to lead others with love and not judgement.

We are the fleeing disciples when we aren't willing to speak the truth in the face of rejection.  When we remain quiet over what God is telling us to do instead of being bold.  When we hide and hope that the moment will pass us by instead of being willing to face the scorn of unbelievers.

We are the soldiers who laugh and jeer at Jesus when we openly defy Him, when we say "sorry God not this time, I'm doing this my way."  When we choose to stray but still hold on to a tether of truth, when we put God in our back pocket because we just aren't quite ready to fully surrender.

We are the women at the foot of the cross when we cling on to Jesus in the moment of our deepest fear and loss, when we are sure that nothing good can come from the situation even though Jesus has promised that He can use everything for His purpose and plan.  In that desperate moment when fear and sorrow over take we draw as near to the savior as we possibly can.

We are the angry crowd cheering for Jesus crucifixion when we pull back from God and allow the world to latch on.  When we give ourselves over completely to the madness that is driven by the enemy, the lies, the deceit, the desperation.  We join the crowd when we are willing to give up on faith and claim our spot in the flesh.

So many characters, and yet in my life I have been almost every last one at least for a time.  I was at the cross, I condemned Jesus with my fear of rejection, I battered and bruised him by acting out my sinful desires, I rejected him with my satisfaction in things of the world, I abandoned him when the path got scary, and finally I ran to him in my moments of desperation where he opened his nail pierced hands and wrapped his loving arms of redemption around me.  We have been to the cross, and the only question is will we rise up and accept His gift and give our lives over to Him for eternity or remain in the cast of characters still desperate for peace in a world that offers none.

We can let our sins and failures consume us or we can let God consume them with His loving redemptive fire.  All we have to do is turn and face him, He took our shame to the cross and rose victorious all so that He could have eternity with us.  He died on that cross for everyone and He wants us to come as we are, battle scarred, weary, broken, and lost so that He can show us how beautiful His plan is.....

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--

John 1:4
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this:  to lay down one's life for one's friends.

Praise God!

I think its really important to give God the glory when He answers your prayers and provides for everything you need.  I think its important to always share the way God provides for us, to give others hope and encouragement.  A few months ago I wasn't sure I could handle being in Fiji anymore.  I felt like God was asking me to really trust Him as He took some very important people from us.  I know that God has to work in every ones life and what was best for those 3 families was to be relocated elsewhere, but it left a noticeable hole in our lives.  Ella Mae's 3 closest friends were gone, her beloved teacher was gone, and 3 very special women were no longer in my daily life.  My heart was broken for my family, but we gave it to God and we trusted as we moved forward!

I can say looking back on how many ways God provided that I am so very thankful!  He took care of every need and even blessed us beyond!  Ella Mae, although she still misses her lovely teacher and her French buddy, she really likes her new teacher and has a new Australian friend.  God brought into my life someone who I am extremely blessed by.  She was an instant friend and we have so much in common its scary!  Gods timing is perfect and He knew that this new friend would not only be a perfect match but also someone who would join in the ministry and have the same love for women and serving the community.  If she had not come along when she did I don't think I would have gone forward with a major fundraiser that we have in the works right now.  God knew I needed a friend, and not just any friend, He provided the perfect friend!

We have been blessed in Ryan's job, and are very happy with his career decision to come and stay in Fiji.  Our church family is truly a powerful blessing and we look forward to growing with them for many years to come.  I finally feel like we are home, so much so that we added a furry family member to the house, our sweet dog Treasure!  Of course there are still storms and there is a lot going on with my parents.  I wish I was closer to help them, but I trust God.  He has never let me down and I know that He will take care of everything, just like He always has!

A few months ago I was completely overrun by worry, fear, and doubt, but now I am experiencing Gods perfect peace as I truly trust Him with all of the details!  Things won't always go the way we want them to, but when your hope is in Jesus you can trust that His plan is perfect and will get you where you need to be!  Its not by chance that my awesome Pastor preached on just what I needed to be reminded of this weekend, I love when God speaks directly to me!

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.

AND BE THANKFUL!  I want Gods peace, and for that my faith must be deepened.  God never stops working on my heart and my faith cannot be deepened without trial, and I will try my best to be thankful in advance as I wait on the Lord to bring His promises into completion.  I've noticed that as He increases my peace my patience is improving.  I struggle with lashing out in anger and frustration at those I love when I am stressed and it is an area I have committed to the Lord to change in me.  That is exactly what He is doing.  When I seek Him in stress I receive His peace and my long-suffering is increased.  I am slowly learning to stay calm when I would usually lose my cool.  I have a long way to go, but by reflecting on all of His past provision it is easier to trust Him with future worries and fears and not let them rule my heart and attitude!  To God be the glory, He is not done with me yet!

Pebble In Your Shoe

There is nothing worse than getting a pebble in your shoes when you are running.  That tiny, seemingly innocent pebble over the miles can destroy your feet!  At first you try to ignore it because you don't want to take the time to stop and remove your shoe, but if you continue down this path you could end up with massive blisters which make running painful if not impossible.  It is always best to remove the pebble right away even though it means stopping.  You don't want a pebble to ruin your run that day or in the days to come, but if you don't remove it that is exactly what it will do!

These pebbles remind me of pride.  Pride sneaks in, silently at first, but left to bounce around in your shoe it can destroy Gods plan for you and the relationships you are in.  Pride is a sneaky one, you have to keep an eye out for it!  I know that I really struggle with pride and I am thankful that God has made me aware of the struggle over the years.  I never used to recognize it until it was a huge, painful "blister" in my life, but now I try to get it at the pebble stage.

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

My Pastor gave a powerful message on this just this week, which was divine because pride is something I have been praying about lately.  Pastor Conan said that pride makes us harder for God to work with and that hit home.  I certainly don't want to be hard for God to work with!  I want to be easy for God to work with, I want to serve Him in every way I can, and that means that I need to take the back stage while still putting in full effort!  The flesh hates this, it screams "look at me, look at me!" But to have a humble spirit we have to move out of the spot light!  I try to remind myself that God sees everything that we do and that should be all the recognition and approval I need!  Pride certainly is sneaky, you can become prideful about being humble if you aren't careful!  Its a vicious cycle!  Praise God He is happy to help us become better in every area of our lives and I pray that one day the only pride I will have is in my Lord and savior and in those I love.

"True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." C.S. Lewis

What a truly counter culture line of thinking! When we are humble we are able to elevate others above ourselves and help them to grow.  Everything society throws at us anymore tells us to get for ourselves whatever we want at any cost, but we are called to do the opposite, to put others first and worry less about ourselves!  We see it in our dog eat dog culture of today and it is sad.

James 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

As a Christian I am called to love, and love means that I have to put others first and to do that I cannot be filled with pride.  As I serve the Lord I realize that the triumphs are kingdom triumps and I am just grateful to be a part of that.  My reward is in heaven, an eternity spent with God.  Its hard to wrap my mind around that sometimes, its hard not want a pat on the back from time to time, but God can do that too, you don't have to seek gratification from others.  Sometimes when pride is removed God will give you a pat on the back in the form of a compliment from another person.  My husband told me that it is important to accept these compliments, and I believe He is right as long as you keep your focus on God and realize that the glory goes to Him!  When we let our hearts fill with pride we work so hard to be seen by others that we make ourselves miserable.  It'
s just never enough!

I'm taking off my shoes right now and dumping out any pebbles that may be forming.  I pray that every day God works on my heart and continues to change me.  These areas are truly a struggle for me, but with God anything is possible!

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I Hate Cancer

I HATE CANCER!

This last week my heart has grown heavier and heavier over the devastation of cancer as more and more prayer requests come in from people affected by cancer!  I hate that my sweet friend Anna has to mourn her precious brother and sister in law who lost their battle with skin cancer.  I hate that my Mom had to have life altering surgery to prevent impending cancer.  I hate that my Mom and my sister both continuously have to have large pieces of their body removed as they battle skin cancer.  I hate that I lost my grandma to lung cancer.  I hate that I know people who are fighting for their lives right now from all forms of cancer.  I hate that there are so many mourning family members left behind when their loved ones lose the battle to cancer.  I HATE CANCER!

I was running today and my heart was overwhelmed with the word cancer.  I couldn't help but choke up every time I simply thought of the word.  Its a devastating word.  As I ran and prayed for all of the people listed above God opened my eyes to another kind of "cancer."  The "cancer" that all of us face.  It is a "cancer" that guarantees death, it will take your very life if left untreated.  It is also a "cancer" that has a cure, a 100% no fail cure.  You would think that if we all knew that we had a "cancer" like this and there was a cure that everyone would race for the cure but in fact a lot of people refuse the cure.  They feel like it restricts their lives too much, but the cure is waiting none the less.  What is this "cancer" we all have?  SIN!  What is the cure for this "cancer"? JESUS CHRIST!

Sin consumes us from the inside out.  If left untreated it will corrupt and destroy every part of you.  Sin separates us from God and promises an eternity apart from Him if left in our lives.  God didn't want to lose a single one of us to sin so He sent his son to pay the price for our sin on the cross.  We only have to believe in Him and we will be set free from its destruction, guaranteed a place in eternity with God.  Of course to truly except this gift it will be impossible for your life to remain the same.  The cure will change you as the Holy Spirit has His way in you.  You will no longer seek after things of this world as you once did.  You will now recognize sin as it tries to sneak back into your life, and with repentance in your heart you will turn from it.  That is what happens when God gets a hold of us.  He breaks the sin in our lives, He gives us a fresh start!  If God cured you from lung cancer today I can assume the first thing you wouldn't do is pick up a cigarette.  Well its the same with redemption.  When God extends the His grace of the shed blood of Jesus over your life he makes you brand new.  If you truly accept this grace then you will not desire to return back to the way of the flesh.  That is not to say that you will never sin again, but your desire to avoid sin should be overwhelming!

I am so thankful that God set me free from my sins, that He broke its power over my life and that every day He shows me what He is working on in me.  I have been cured and that makes me want to live my life fully committed to Him and His purpose for me!

I pray for my friends, loved ones, and strangers who battle cancer that God might heal them and help them through their pain and struggle.  I will never stop praying for them.  I will also never stop praying for those who are still drowning in their own sins.  Praying for those who have not yet met Jesus Christ and His amazing promise of redemption.  God has the answer and I pray that they will receive it and be healed!

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

The Endurance Mile

It's hard to always run by myself.  I miss having someone to push me, to encourage me, to chat with, and to press through the difficult moments with.  I may not have someone in the flesh, but I never run alone!  The Holy Spirit uses those runs to talk to me, encourage me, and build me into the person I am meant to be.  Every situation and circumstance leaves something to learn from.  Today the word was endurance!

I am not competitive, just ask the Fiji LIFE Runners, I just don't feel the need to beat anyone.  The only competition I ever have is with myself and honestly I have to really push to compete with myself!  Today I had an 8 miles run and I decided to throw a PR mile in at the end.  The very last mile of my run today was very hilly so I put the PR mile in at 6 mile mark.  I gave that mile my all, I pushed hard as I could after already running a fairly decent 6 miles.  My pace was good despite a bit of a hill and I just concentrated on not losing my footing and my breathing.  At the end of the mile I fell 2 seconds short, but who is counting!  No PR today!  Then I realized that PR mile didn't matter, the mile that mattered sat before me.  The last mile, the mile I had left to hit the finish when I was already spent!  That was the mile that built character, that was the mile that proved that you still had more left to give when you had already given all you had!

As I steadily jogged that last mile I prayed for strength and endurance.  I needed to be carried home because my legs were done, my heart was tired, and it was hot!  But step after step I had the strength to go on.  I made it to the very end, and that is because I never run alone.  God ran with me, taught me things, and carried me when I needed carrying.

His ability to teach us endurance falls over every aspect of our lives, especially his call for us to ministry.  Some days its so hard, standing up for life in a world that embraces self and little else.  There is so much darkness it would be easy to just crawl back into bed and pull the covers up and give in, but then what.  Women would continue to be damaged by abortion, innocent lives would continue to be snuffed out before their time in the name of convenience.  See there is one simple truth, a truth so obvious it is mind boggling to me that anyone ever supports abortion.  No woman's right to convenience EVER supersedes another persons right to life!  Never!  Then will come the arguments about rape and children who will not be born perfect, and still I say that we are not the ones to decide life or death over another.  It has already been shown that women who choose life for their child following rape never regret choosing life, but those who choose to end the life of their innocent child after such a tragic event are even more broken and often struggle not just with the rape but with the guilt of the life they took.  Every life matters, and that includes the innocent children conceived in rape.  As for the 90% of babies who are aborted simply because they have a diagnosis of Downs Syndrome, well that speaks of the selfishness of our time.  Who are we to judge who is worthy or less worthy of life.  God created every last single one of us.

With the lies of Planned Parenthood being exposed there has been a growing anger rising from the public to see an end to their funding, but an end to Planned Parenthood is still not enough.  Until we decide that ALL life is precious and we all fight to protect it, abortion will still fracture our society leaving broken families, scarred women, and generations cut off too early.  Endurance is the only thing I have to keep me going.  My legs are tired, my heart is weary, but I will not give up.  I simply can't.....

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Unanswered Prayers, or are they....

It's really hard to understand why things happen when they happen.  We aren't meant to understand everything, and I have accepted that for the most part.  When we moved to Fiji and my Dad nearly died and needed a few surgeries, my moms health kept failing and she ended up having a major surgery I felt frustrated at God for taking us so far away when it was clear to me they needed my help.  I can tell you that I am so thankful now that God didn't answer a single one of my prayers to let me go home during that struggle, because He finally showed me what he had been up to!

When my Dad nearly died, I was unable to leave Fiji because my visa was being processed.  The second time he fell very ill I was still dealing with visa issues that kept me from leaving.  It was incredibly frustrating for me, I wanted to be there, to help them when they needed help.  It seemed crazy to me that we had just spent the last 2 years living next door when I was able to help and nothing major had happened, but we move back over seas and everything starts to fall apart.  I cried out to God a lot concerning these things over the last year, trying to make sense of them, to find the reason behind it but God was silent.  I felt relieved that God had protected both of their lives, that He had kept my father from passing away from an extremely serious infection and that they had caught my moms problem right before it became cancer.  I still wrestled with guilt over not being there to actually help them.  God continually reminded me to trust Him and I did, but I wanted to understand it all.

Finally when we were able to go home, a very last minute trip I might add, to see my mom after her major surgery God revealed what He had been up to and my heart was filled with joy!

We got to spend an amazing week with my family and help my mom and dad out for a short time as my mom came home from the hospital.  It was chicken soup for the soul to be there with them, I cherished every second.  It didn't take long to see why God had kept us away as I watched my parents taking care of each other.  Something had changed between them from having only each other to lean on during these trials and struggles.  It was amazing!  I had never seen my parents so close!  There are so many seasons in a marriage, but this warmed my heart to the core to see my father diligently caring for my mom and my mom seemed so comforted by him!  God had kept us away because this was a time for them to grow, for them to only rely on each other and God!  Had I been there I would have taken over, I would have made sure everything was taken care of and I would have robbed them the opportunity to find strength in each other.  I had so many prayers for my mom and dad and seeing them like this answers a good many of those prayers!

Sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers because He is doing something in someone's life!  I forget that sometimes!  I can pray that Ella Mae doesn't have any more friends or teachers move away because my heart breaks for my child, but the truth is that God is working in each of our lives and he can't stop the growth, plan, or purpose of one person to satisfy the needs of another.  He will provide the strength and the comfort my daughter needs in the goodbyes, but he will let people go where he needs them to go so that they can grow!  No one likes to feel like their prayers are falling on deaf ears, but when we pray to the God of all creation we can be sure He hears, and sometimes His silence is to teach us patience, and sometimes it is simply there because His answer is no.  I realized now that I never once considered that God could be keeping me away to help my family.  I never thought that maybe my presence, although a good thing, might hinder the work He was trying to do.  I guess this may help me look at my prayers and His occasional silence from a new perspective!  God is amazing and I am thankful that He showed me why He didn't answer my prayers this time!  In the end He answered prayers that I have been praying for years!

The key is that we need to submit to His will.  His plans are perfect and He sees the bigger picture!  We can trust Him in that!  We live in a fallen world and sometimes we don't get the answers that we want or we lose someone that we love way before their time and we try to make sense of it.  We are not always going to understand the hardships and the tragedy, but God still hears us, loves us, and will provide for us no matter what comes our way....

This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ~1 John 5:14

Pro-Life Prophets

This week our church called for fasting and prayer.  Instead of fasting food I felt led to fast an hour of my sleep each day by setting my alarm for 5:30am and spending that hour praying and seeking God.  It is only day two but God has spoken to me very clearly and I am so excited about it!

This morning I started reading Jeremiah, one of my very favorite books.  God has answered me so many times in the book of Jeremiah and today it was even bigger than I have experienced in the past.

Jeremiah 1:1-19 is a clear call to ministry!  It is a call to Gods purpose for my life and as I read the words I could feel God speaking to me!  As a LIFE Runner we wear Jeremiah 1:5 on our clothes, it is a powerful verse clearly showing that the Unborn are valuable.  Today God showed me that this verse is also a call to all of His children, that we are to know that He has a clear and perfect plan and call to action for each and every one of us!

Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

LIFE Runners are Pro-Life prophets!  I had never considered myself a prophet until this very moment.  That is exactly what I am, I have one purpose and one call, that is to go out into the world and tell them God's truth.  Speaking the into the culture of death is scary, its hard, and it goes completely against modern culture.  Most days I feel completely inadequate and unworthy to do such a great thing, but God responds with a promise!

Jeremiah 1:7-8
But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am too young.'  You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

I MUST go and speak what God tells me to speak.  It's not a request, it is a command!  God will make the way known, I won't have to figure it out for myself.  God will provide the words, I won't have to come up with them.  God will protect me and my family, I don't have to fear.  But I must be willing to go!  The call will require immediate obedience.  I must only fear God, and I know that I can trust Him.

Jeremiah 1:17
"Get yourself ready!  Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.  Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.

I need to prepare myself by seeking God in prayer and in reading the Bible.  Just like training for a race it requires daily discipline!  I wouldn't skip a training run and I can't skip quiet time!  The battle won't be easy, but God will be glorified!

Jeremiah 1:19
They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you, "declares the LORD."

Whatever call God has put on each of our lives we can be sure that if we are obedient He will see it unto completion.  As the body of Christ we don't get to choose what that call will be, but in seeking Him diligently He will give us a burning desire for what He has planned for us.  I've seen it in my own life.  Not too long ago if you had told me that I would be doing what I am doing now for God and for LIFE Runners I would have thought you were crazy.  I had no passion for it.  When I started to seek Gods will over my life he ignited a burning passion for His calling that cannot be extinguished.  Even on my most overwhelming and exhausting days the desire for what God has put in me does not diminish!  It
continues to grow and grow and I want to follow God wherever He leads me, not to earn His favor but to live for Him!  I want to be obedient, I want to serve Him and honor Him because I know that if I am willing God will use me to further His kingdom here on earth and there is no better reward in this life or the next then to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Run into the Wind

Yesterday I went for a 7 mile run.  It was my first long run since the marathon and it felt so good!  It was, however, a hot day.  I noticed that even though I was not having a hard time with the run, I was getting tired from being so hot.  It wasn't until I turned around and headed back that I realized why the run had seemed easy and hot.  The wind had been at my back giving me a boost but not offering me any cool air.

As I continued back thankful for the breeze I was fighting against it really got me to thinking.  How often in life do we get just a touch off course, and not quite notice the gentle push we are getting from behind until we start to get uncomfortable and realize something isn't quite right?  Sometimes life can seem really easy when you step outside of Gods will, the enemy likes for it to be easy, but there will be a growing discomfort for those who know Gods voice.  I'm not talking about major things here, I'm talking about those small missteps that then lead us in the wrong direction.  Maybe it is a purchase that you left God out of when you should have consulted Him first (we have one of those floating down at the dock), or maybe it is the office gossip that you listen to a little to much, or the TV show that you probably shouldn't watch but can't seem to give up, or the music that you are singing along with.  Things that in and of themselves are not necessarily sinful, they start small, and seem harmless but before you know it the wind has pushed you far down the wrong path and you are starting to feel the heat!

Then you hear God call you back and it requires some work, you are going to have to run against the wind to get back to where you need to be.  The awesome thing is that when God calls us to do something hard he offers us relief and comfort, that breeze that you have to fight also cools you.  That wind that you struggle against strengthens you in every way.  God doesn't tell you to do something difficult and then leave you too it, he attends to you while you follow Him.  I just can't get over His provision and great love for us.  He truly is all that we need!

I am happy for the reminder to take a look at my life daily and make sure there are not any coarse corrections that need to be made.  God isn't finished with me yet and for that I am thankful.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Unspeakable Joy

My finish line photo, To GOD be the Glory!

Suva Marathon has been 6 months of training, planning, hoping and praying and yesterday it became a reality.  I can tell you now that it was more incredible than I ever could have hoped or imagined.  My taper week was hard because I was struggling with muscle pains and doubt.  I turned my trust over to the Lord and decided defeat starts with a bad attitude so I chose victory!  God had promised me that I would finish this race and God would deliver.

We flew to Suva on Friday and it was an impossible day, as much as I knew I needed to rest and relax it just wasn't going to happen.  I was excited and terrified and I just wanted to get to the start line!  That evening I watched the sunset on the sea wall while we waited for the marathon briefing.  I gave it all to God, and all for His glory.  I knew that I was prepared and that I just needed to trust God with the rest.

I was flooded with awesome prayers being sent my way and everyone had some words of encouragement.  It was overwhelming and I felt so very loved by my teammates, friends, and family. This was a big day.  Not just because I would run my first marathon, but because this was the first time we as LIFE Runners had organized and stood together in unity at such a large function.  We rented a huge bus and 30 plus LIFE Runners took time off and traveled to Suva to run or cheer.  For me, LIFE Runners in Fiji was a vision God placed on my heart and that marathon was the moment where it all became so real!  One of my faithful prayer partners had called me to tell me that God had sent me the scripture;

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

It was no small coincidence that my race number ended up being 109!  God loves the details!

I woke up at 2am to eat and prepare as I had been given great race day advice by my teammate and mentor Pat.  I looked at my phone and had an amazing message on it.  The details are not something that I can share on a platform such as a blog, but one of our LIFE Runners would not be making it to the race because God had put her in the path of a baby that was in danger of being aborted.  My heart about pounded out of my chest.  This was why God brought LIFE Runners to Fiji, to help protect women, men and the unborn from the threat of abortion.  These LIFE Runners are walking the walk by stepping in and offering help and hope to those in crisis pregnancies!  I knew without a doubt that God was going to do amazing things with LIFE Runners in Fiji and that this race was just the beginning of us getting fired up for LIFE!

I can't tell you much about the time between waking and the gun, but I can tell you that the race was incredible.  From the moment we took off I felt relaxed, not an ounce of fear or doubt remained.  I wasn't concerned about being last, and in fact I was last for a little less than half of the race, but it didn't matter!  Something amazing happened as I jogged along the 10K track, I felt myself being filled with overwhelming joy.  I'm not talking about being happy, I'm talking about spirit filled joy.  It was flowing through me, it was overwhelming me, it was over taking me.  As we began turning the loop and runners heading back around I started cheering each runner on.  I had a smile on my face for literally the entire run!  I don't smile very often, and for the first time in my life I could not stop smiling!  At first the other runners seemed kind of surprised by this girl coming in last with a giant smile on her face cheering them on, but by the second lap they returned my smile with a smile of their own.  I would crack jokes with the aid stations and give praise to the marshallers, it was crazy, I was just plain happy!  Then I started sincerely thanking God for the most fun I have ever had, and what you need to understand is that it rained almost the whole race!  So here i am soaked, with a perma-smile on my face, coming in nearly last, and i am having the best day I have ever had!  I felt more saturated by Gods love in those 5 hours then I have ever felt in my life.  The love of God was literally radiating through me!  It was something I hope I never forget.  Unspeakable joy!

When I noticed my marathon partner struggling I slowed down my pace and ran and prayed with him.  I knew he was hurting, and I knew he had a very long way to go.  I spoke to him words of encouragement that God gave me and I even stayed behind him awhile to pray him forward.  When I did finally leave him it was only after i gave him GU and found out cheering section who had staminade for him.

The race ran in heats, so right when I was halfway done I knew that Ryan was starting his 10K with the other LIFE Runners who were running.  I was so excited to see them all, to cheer them on!  When they passed it was a wonderful moment.  Such a blessing to see my teammates giving it their all for God and the Unborn.

5 hours is a long time to run without stopping, OK I did take a potty break once but it was the fastest potty break ever!  God gave me the strength to run the entire race, and he gave us an amazing cheering arm.  All of our LIFE Runners had positioned themselves at the aid stations so every 2 miles we got to see their smiling faces!  I can tell you that they were a lifeline for us, and I know that they stood out there for 5 hours not only cheering us on, but helping hand out water and cheering all runners on!  I have never been so proud to be on a team as I was that day!  They put their hearts and souls into it and were standing up boldly for LIFE!

I spent the entire run in prayer and praise.  I prayed for family, for friends, for women who were tempted to abort and for those who already had and were struggling with that decision.  When it hurt I just offered my suffering up, but I never stopped smiling or cheering others on even if it was only a thumbs up at times where I had nothing left to give.  I can tell you that those runners, those strangers encouraged me at the end when I needed it most!  They gave back to me with their smiles and encouragement and I am so thankful for every single one of them! Although my body was conditioned, I did finally start to struggle in the last 5K.  Suva Marathon is a road race, and the road has a pretty good angle so my hip flexors were not happy by the end and started to spasm and cramp.  I knew if I could just make it to the next aid station I could have teammates pray with me.  As soon as I got there Fee laid hands on my hips and we said a quick prayer and I felt renewed.  I wanted desperately for Ella Mae to pray with me, I knew that she was only about a mile away so I asked God to carry me again to her and He did.  Ella Mae and Mrs. Hughes laid hands on me and said a quick prayer and then I pushed on to the finish line.  God was providing me everything I needed.

In that last quarter mile a group of marshallers yelled for me, they cheered for me, they pushed me and I ran!  I gave it all I had left and ran towards my teammates who were cheering loudly at the finish line.  They were the most beautiful sight I had ever seen holding our banner high!  I ran past them and was greeted by the race team who took amazing care of me, getting me coconut water and holding me until I was sure I could manage on my own.  I was so happy I sobbed for a minute and then sat down to recover.  I was dazed, amazed, totally happy!  A woman I met through an interview for the race came over to say hi and it was so wonderful to meet her and to finally get to talk to her face to face (I'm leaving names out to respect privacy.)  I hope that these new people I have met through Suva Marathon will become friends in the future, because I will be coming back to Suva Marathon for many years to come!

After I recovered a bit I started asking around about my running mate and found out that he was about 2km out.  Although my legs were shot I knew the battle he was facing and I felt God urge me not to let him go it alone and so when I saw him I began cheering him on and jogging beside him.  I prayed, I encouraged, and we ran together.  He never gave up!  He was a true warrior!  When we neared the finish line I fell back, this was his moment and I cheered him through!  It was so humbling to be able to run as a team and a prayer!  God showed me that when we truly let him have all of us he will infiltrate us with every ounce of his love and compassion that our bodies can handle!

The entire LIFE Runners team that came to cheer and support were amazing!  I could have never made it without them!  They were the true champions, standing out in the rain for 5 hours passing out water and cheering on runners!  They were incredible and they embodied all that is LIFE Runners at the race!  They prayed for us and with us and my heart is overwhelmed by them! They were the witnesses on the sidelines, they were the face of LIFE Runners and I know that they impacted lives with their willingness to make the trip!

This morning at church as I prayed I again was reflecting on the spirit of joy that had filled me and how I hoped that I could keep that spirit, to carry a smile more.  I thanked God for blessing me with it and providing for my needs.  I thanked the Holy Spirit for running with me and it was in that moment that God revealed to me that the Holy Spirit didn't just run with me, he was in me, radiating from me. I was the hands and feet of Jesus that day, He allowed me to be filled with his heart for others so I could feel the depth of it.  I am truly floored, the love God has for us is more than we can comprehend.  The small portion that He gave to me during the race overwhelmed my heart to the point that i truly cared for every single person I saw, and His love for us is infinitely more!  That floors me!  In my life I have found that the pursuit of most things leaves an emptiness when it is complete, that "what now?" feeling.  This race however did not have that affect.  I know what the difference is.  This race was about building my faith and trusting in the Lord, my life changed over these last 6 months, my heart changed, I changed.  The race may be over and it was amazing, but it is only a small part of what God has planned for me.  I'm so excited to see what is next that there is nothing left but thankfulness!

Well I stand by my first thought.  They say the person who starts a marathon is not the same person who finishes a marathon.  I disagree, I say the person who starts marathon training is not the same person who makes it to the start line, because the race is actually the reward for everything that came before!

Gratitude

They say the key to life is happiness, and then people pursue this happiness to their misery.  I don't think the key to life is happiness, nowhere in the Bible does God promise that we will be happy.  Happiness is not sustainable, like all emotions, it is fickle.  Don't give up on what I'm saying just yet, hear me out.....

My daughter got to spend a week with her schoolmates at a camp on the other side of the island.  At first I thought this week would be unbearable because I knew I would miss her, but Ryan and I decided to make the most of our alone time and have fun, and man did we have fun.  We woke up Tuesday early so we could run a 10K together, something we rarely get to do as a couple.  We both run, but we never get to run together.  It was very nice.  Then we hopped in the car and drove down the coast to Natadola, a slice of beauty that is indescribable and pictures do not do it justice.  It was low tide so we spent our day walking slowly up the coast to the hidden beaches that most tourists never see.  When we returned to the main beach Ryan went fishing and I decided to have a beach massage.  It was afterwards as I sat on the beach in silence just breathing it all in that I realized that I had lost my gratitude somewhere along the way and that had caused me to not be content.

I began to pray and thank God for the beauty that was before me, to thank him for all that he provided on a daily basis, to thank him for this time alone with my husband, and the time of growth Ella Mae was most certainly experiencing at camp.  I realized that I hadn't expressed my gratitude in awhile and you know what, my attitude reflected that.

It's easy to thank God when we get good news, or a prayer is answered.  It's easy to be thankful when things are really good.  Sometimes it's even easier to be thankful when things are really bad because you are reminded of how good things can be.  Often times we forget to be thankful when life is just life.  That was where I was.  Fiji was not new and exciting anymore so I forgot to be thankful for the blessing that it is to my family.  I am blessed every single day!  Even when it's tough, even when it hurts there are so many blessings surrounding me.  I pray that God will keep my eyes open to all of the ways he blesses me in every waking minute, so that I don't lose my attitude of being content.

Back to my issue with the pursuit of happiness.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy, I love being happy, happy is great, but contentment, that is where it is at.  See, maybe a new car might make someone happy, but it won't stay new.  Maybe more money will make someone happy, but it will never be enough.  Maybe a bigger house will make you happy, but then there is always a bigger house.  We work our bodies to the bone in the pursuit of these things that we think will bring us happiness, but they are just things and they cannot sustain our emotions.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
But Godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.  But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.

To be content is to be thankful for what you have and to not feel the endless need for more.  To be content is saying I have all I need and if I never have more that is OK because I am rich beyond measure.  That kind of contentment only comes from one place, from a loving relationship with Jesus.  When we have Christ in our lives we have more than we will every need and the joy will follow.  Contentment comes from a constant state of gratitude, the moment we stop being thankful it can start to slip from our grip.  I pray that God gives me a heart so filled with thanks that I never feel the need to chase worldly riches again.

Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

I need a spirit of gratitude!  The more I thanked God for his provision the more I realized that I had been very selfish with my time.  Pastor Conan spoke on being generous last Sunday and I realized that it is easy for me to be generous with most things, but I have a hard time being generous with my time.  I have spent the week trying to be more generous with my smiles, with my abilities, and with my time.  The truth is that I am content right now and that gave me the ability to slow down and listen to God and he showed me an area that I never realized I needed to change.  I am thankful that.

God uses every opportunity to teach us and guide us through life, this week without Ella Mae was a chance for me to reconnect with my husband, to spend time doing things that he likes.  I booked us a white water rafting tour on the other side of the island and it was amazing! I would have never gone white water rafting on my own, but because I am in a place of contentment and seeking God who showed me my lack of generosity, I realized that a trip on the river and a night out to dinner would be something that Ryan would love and it was a way to give back to him with my time.

Ella Mae will be home in just about an hour and I am going to remember that she needs me to be generous with my time, that I need to put down what I am doing and focus on her when she has something to show me.  I will continue to work towards being generous with myself to those around me.  I will continue to pray that God keeps reminding me to keep a grateful heart so that I can be content in all that he has provided.

With only a week left until Suva Marathon my body has recovered and I am enjoying my taper week resting in the strength and healing that God has provided for my body.  God is so amazingly good, He has not missed a chance to show me his provision and has continued to do work on my heart and in my life.  Sometimes when God shows us things it hurts, its not always pleasant to learn that you have veered down the wrong path of discontent or stumbled over selfishness, but it is awesome when he helps me stand back up again and helps me on my way!

2 Corinthians 12:10
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Marathon Journey to the Start Line

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glorify in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Today as I ran I realized that crossing the finish line of the Suva Marathon is not actually the victory, getting to the start line is!  If I had chosen this race for myself I would have given up a long time ago, but as a LIFE Runner I run for God, every time my feet touch pavement I am doing His work not my own and so I can't give up, it's simply not an option.

A marathon was never my dream.  I can tell you, from the moment that Ryan passed me the magazine on our flight to Suva, opened to a page talking about the Suva marathon, my life has never been the same.  I didn't want to run a marathon.  I was quite content with short distances and nothing too challenging, but God had other plans.  My time in Fiji is a marathon, as God uses me to do His work with LIFE Runners my commitment can't be half hearted, it can't be wishy washy, I have to be all in.  The same goes for marathon training, you are either all in or you fail.  God was going to use this training to strengthen me, to test my limits and increase my faith, He was going to show me what trust looks like.

I have spent countless hours running for God since February, training and preparing.  I totaled them up today, and since February when I started training I have run 637.52  miles (1026 km)!  That is crazy!  That would be like me running from Rapid City SD to Des Moines IA or for my Fiji friends, that would be me running all the way around Fiji 2.2 times! I have run 637 miles all to prepare my body to run 26.2 miles! Many of my long runs happened in the predawn hours, alone with God in the dark running and praying over the streets of Fiji.  In the beginning it was exciting, and I could hardly sleep the night before a long run happy to rise at 4am and hit the road.  God knew that I wouldn't make it if it got hard early.  When it was time for it to get hard, for my faith to be tested, God was right there with me.

Pain is something that many of my loved ones suffer from chronically.  As I dealt with pain and struggle I tried to remember that they fight this every day, and mine would pass.  When injury knocked at the door I made a choice not to answer.  I have to choose to trust God every single run.  When my IT bands scream in pain, when my knees throb and ache, when my calves cramp into knots, when my thighs have nothing left to give there is only one place to turn.  I turn to God!  It would be so easy to give up, I'll be honest, I've considered it.  When I have spent more time limping around, stretching, icing, and rolling out sore muscles, it is really easy to get discouraged, but God is asking me to trust Him.

Training for a marathon is not just about running, actually running has very little to do with it in my case.  This training was all about God getting His way in my life.  He showed me where my eating had become sinful and he broke the bondage of food addiction.  Occasionally I will start to stumble and the urge to binge will come but God is there reminding me how much stronger I am now that I have shed that sinful habit.  He showed me that quitting is easy, but pushing through and not giving up has great Kingdom rewards.  When I run, even when it hurts, He rewards me by building and strengthening my faith.  He is trying to show me that when I am worried or scared that those feelings don't come from Him and can be rejected, and just like that your outlook can change.  He is teaching me patience, I need lots of patience!  As a wife and as a mother I struggle with patience, but this process is long and slow and for over 6 months I have trained and waited expectantly about race day to arrive.  When I faced my first injury only 3 weeks ago (5 weeks out from race day) I really had to learn patience, to not worry, but to trust God was covering the details.

The biggest test of all was my 20 mile run, that is the longest run in training before the race and I was at the peak of my knee pain the week of my 20 miler.  Honestly my faith was wavering and I was scared that I wasn't going to make it.  That morning I got up at 3:45am to stretch and roller my legs so they would be limber on my long run.  I silently prayed that God would give me a good run to encourage me.  I also knew that I had friends and family praying for me and over me that day as I set out on my way.  I can tell you that after I warmed up that run was perfect and without pain!  God showed me that even though everything looks hopeless He provides for our needs right when we need it!  He carried me for 20 miles/32km over 4 hours without pain!  It was just what I needed to find the courage not to give up!  As I continue to run on my taper weeks, when the pain flares up I just remember how far God has already brought me and stop looking at how far I have to go.

I could never cross the finish line at Suva Marathon if I was running for myself, but with God anything is possible and I will glorify Him by never giving up!  God called me to this and I have no doubt He will see it completed!

I couldn't have done any of this without God or my family standing behind me.  Ryan has been the most supportive amazing husband.  I know that living with someone who is training for a marathon is not easy, my mood sometimes needs a good adjustment but he is always there cheering me on and waiting for me to come home after a long early morning run with words of encouragement.  He doesn't complain that I smell like icy hot constantly and he never grumbles when I ask him to massage out painful calf knots.  If He didn't support me, this would have been so much harder.  This morning my sweet daughter laid hands on my leg that was bothering me and prayed for healing.  I am so thankful that God has used this training to strengthen not only my spiritual life, but also
our walk with the Lord as a family.  There is something truly humbling to have your 5 year old lay hands on you and pray over you.  Ella Mae tells me that she is going to run a million miles for LIFE Runners when she is older.  I thank the Lord that this ministry is so powerful not just for me but for our family.

On August 8th, when I cross that finish line, I pray that God is glorified, that the LIFE Runner message of hope was spread far and wide and that this is only the beginning of what He has planned for Fiji and our amazing team of Pro-Life warriors.

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?

The Gift of the Flu

I'm stubborn, ask Ryan, ask anyone who truly knows me, I AM STUBBORN!  This means that when God asks me to do something that I really think I know better on, I like to work out a deal.  Well God doesn't do deals, and since I have submitted to His will, that means He gets His way even if He has to get stern.

This week the church was called to fast.  I didn't want to fast, I wanted to run.  God said fast.  I gave in and cut a deal.  I would fast but I would still run 2 miles every day, fearing that stopping this far in my marathon training would be detrimental.  Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.  God, who called me to train for this race, who has helped me train every mile, was now asking me to rest and yet I thought I knew better.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I fasted and ran my two miles but on Wednesday I stated itching for distance so I ran 3.  Then God put his foot down.  I got sick.  Not kind of sick, but fever sick.  I was not even able to entertain the notion of running.  God had my attention.  Now was time to rest.  I continued on my fast, seeking God in time a prayer and study as I had been doing all week long.  I realized that I was under a faith test aside from my running.  In the weakness and fatigue of fasting the enemy was testing me, he was trying to hurt me, trying to discourage me, trying to put me back into bondage of fear and doubt.  But God had called me to be still by allowing me to be sick and in that stillness I was able to see that I was being tested.  My faith was being tested and I rejoiced as I saw that clearly!

I was then able to hold onto the promises that God had put before me, the reassurance that He had given me in the past, and all of the ways He had affirmed that I was on the right path.  God drew me back near to Him and the sorrow, the fear, the doubt, it all lifted.  The weight was lifted from my shoulders!  God reminded me that He had a plan and a purpose and that He would help me to reach the goals he had set.  I just needed to have faith.  When He saw my faith wavering He allowed me to get sick so I could stop taking control and start listening.

Today my fast was lifted and I am nearly well.  I was able to run 4 miles with the LIFE Runners this morning at an amazing pace and I will be refreshed and ready for my long run on Monday.  I am thankful that God didn't allow my stubbornness to get in the way of the help He was offering, in the lesson I was learning.  Had I kept running I may have been injured, had I kept running I may have been too surrounded by noise that I missed how God was delivering me through the trial and increasing my faith.  Thank you God for this flu, it was a blessing!

I know that because God is the director of my life, that nothing I put my hand to that is for Him and of Him will fail.  I will be able to do more than I ever imagined for His kingdom.  It was foolish of me to think that I knew better than God, that taking a week off to rest my tired body wasn't part of His training plan.  Help me Lord to listen the first time, help me to not resist when You are trying to help me.  Forgive me when I do resist and continue to direct me into Your plan regardless of my stubbornness.  Your will Lord, Your way, ALWAYS!

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen 

Running with Faith

This morning was my longest run so far in my marathon training.  I was so excited I almost couldn't sleep (you would have to be a runner to understand how getting up at 4am to run for 3 hours could be exciting)!  I knew that it would be an awesome time with God, what I didn't know is that God was going to send me an unlikely running partner to teach me about faith and the way that Gods perfect plan can unfold in the most unlikely ways.

I noticed quite early on in my run that there was a tiny black shadow following me, normally this would have made me nervous but this beautiful little street dog who looked part doberman seemed more scared of me than anything else and I figured she would loose interest soon so I began talking to her and continued my run.

The funny thing is she didn't lose interest.  She stayed right on my heel mile after mile, never leaving my side except to move away when a bus came close or a man was near our path.  Like most street dogs of Fiji she had most likely been mistreated by people who were trying to shoo her away.  As we jogged along on a run that I had anticipated to be my hardest one yet, I was struck by how nice it was to have someone to run with.  In that moment I named her Faith.  God had sent me Faith, at first I thought it was to protect me, but as I watched her timidly respond to the world I knew that maybe I was to protect her.  For whatever reason that sweet little fur baby trusted me.

As we neared mile 8 of 15 I started to worry for her knowing that she was far from the places she was used to.  I knew that food was hard to come by for a street dog and she was using valuable energy to chase me all over Nadi, so I turned back and headed to McDonalds devising a plan.  At McDonalds I gave a young lady money and asked her to buy food for the Faith and then feed her so I could make my escape.  The girl agreed and I felt very clever.  As the girl tried to feed her I began to run away and there was Faith denying food to follow me.  I ran back, took the food and tried to feed her myself but she was so timid she would take it but then return to my side scared I was going to leave her.  I moved to a quiet place trying not to be frustrated that my run was being interrupted by this little dog. I finally got her to eat a bit of the burger and I tried to sneak away but there she was, again abandoning food to follow me.  I tried yelling at her but she just looked at me funny and waited.  Finally I gave up and we began our final 7 miles.

The entire run I was praying for God to take care of her, for him to send her away at the right time but mile after mile that sweet pup never gave up.  When other men or dogs intimidated her I encouraged her forward and her trust in me grew over our short time together.  I was probably the only person who had ever shown her kindness.  Her faith in me was astounding!

We were nearing the end of the run and I realized that God had certainly sent her to help me on this long run, to teach me a valuable lesson about faith, but to also encourage me.  That little dog melted my heart and filled some of the brokenness that has come from leaving our dogs behind.  As we finished out the last mile I took her along a back road to Animals Fiji, the only dog rescue in Fiji.  I knew it was time to trust her future to God.  She followed me into the compound and I surrendered her to the staff promising to pay for her spay and care until she could find a good home.  I hated to leave her but we are in no position to adopt her in our current living situation.

As I drove away crying God revealed to me so much of what I had just been part of....

Faith didn't know me at first, but for some reason she trusted me enough to follow me.  As we went further and further she saw me being kind to her and she trusted me.  Even when faced with temptation like food she chose to stick by me.  How often do we loose faith in God because something tempting comes our way? When I tried to intimidate her to make her turn back she just drew closer.  The devil often tries to intimidate us, to scare us away from Gods plan because we cannot see the big picture, but we must stay the course in faith knowing that the Lord has a great plan for us.

Faith trusted in me to help her.  In the end, because of her faith and endurance she will receive vet care to remove the ticks and fleas, she will be de-sexed to protect her from a life of litter after litter of puppies, she will be welcomed into a loving home and cared for hopefully for the rest of her life.  I wish I had her faith in all things!

Now was my time to have faith.  As I desperately wanted to bring her home and cried knowing I couldn't, God reassured me not to fear.  To trust Faith to Him, after all he had brought us together for a purpose and we had both done our part, I needed to rest in faith that He would continue to care for her.  We returned to pay for her care and snap a picture of her sweet face and she was trembling in the kennel until she saw me and then began to wag her tail.  I told her amazing running story to the women working and reassured Faith that she was going to be OK.  As we were leaving I was in tears and then I received a text from an acquaintance.  I had text him telling him of my rescue puppy and knowing they had lost a dog recently wondered if they wanted Faith.  His answer......YES!  Praise God, He loves the details.  The man and his family will see if Faith is OK around children and if she is she will be in a forever home out on a farm! **I have been told that the family will be taking Faith, they decided shortly after I posted this**

Today I ran with Faith, and God grew my faith.  I may not understand everything and sometimes it is painful to surrender, but God always finishes what he starts!

The Cup that Wont Run Dry

I have a healthy fear of long/early runs that fall on the weekend.  The bars here close at 4am and so right when I am running through town in the dark the roads can be covered with intoxicated men, and for a woman that is a bit uncomfortable.  I trust in the Lord and pray as I go, I'm smart about it and stay very alert to my surroundings.

This morning as I passed through one of the very popular club areas there were about 20-30 drunk people just having been kicked out of the club gathered all over the sidewalks and parking lot.  I jogged passed and my heart began to hurt for them.  Fiji has a bit of a "party" problem going on right now and the police are trying to figure out how to best solve the issues that are arising.

I thought back to not so long ago in my life where I was one of these drunken people stumbling out of the club.  My heart grew heavier as I wanted to desperately scream to them that no amount of alcohol would fill the void they were trying to fill, I knew, I had been there.  It's hard to be on the other side of addiction and not want to offer pearls of wisdom to those stumbling in the dark.  It's hard to have the key to happiness in your hand and to not want to share it with those who are struggling.  The empty faces I saw, the couples arguing, the ones too wasted to walk, the ones being taken away by the police, the ones on their way to a one night stand, the ones who would just go home and be completely consumed by the emptiness they had so desperately tried to fill the night before with endless booze, I wanted them to know there was something more.

Addiction, It's not a fun word.  It's not a word we like to use because it makes us sound weak.  I spent much of my 20's moving from one addiction to another.  I tried to fill the emptiness with food, with cigarettes, with sex, with alcohol, with anything that made me feel alive for a few minutes.  What I found was that the more I drank, the more I partied, the deeper that pit of darkness grew beneath me.  Finally one day I woke up and could no longer see the top.  I was consumed by what I had tried to be filled with.  I was more damaged, more broken then when I had started.  What I needed was to fill the void, not be buried by it.  In that dark time when my drinking had consumed me and brought me to a  desperate place, a gentle voice reached down to me, offering to fill me, to comfort me, to quench my thirst and calm my hunger.   The light shone into the dark place of my creation and He delivered me.  God didn't leave me in my sin, He didn't let it destroy me, He reached down to me and gave me a choice.  I could continue burying myself in the darkness attempting to fill the un-fillable void in my heart, or I could grab onto God, repent of my sinful ways, and let God fill me and make me whole!  I chose God and I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I have regretted my choice.  These things that had been pouring into my life for a decade, that I thought would fill me only broke me, but God fills me until I overflow and my heart is glad.  I can honestly say that I am happy, fulfilled, joyful.  I don't need to party to feel those things.  I am alive because God has filled me with His passion, His will, His desires.

I want that for everyone.  It's hard sometimes to see others struggle, I've been there, I don't want anyone to be left there.  God doesn't either.  He is the light calling us, He wants us to come as we are so He can show us who we were meant to be.  God doesn't deny us the pleasures of life, He shows us the true pleasure of life comes from complete surrender to Him.  I am satisfied in all things, I never thought I would say that, but I am.  I don't need more of anything except Him.

Even after I was set free from my drinking I stumbled back into my old habit of eating to fill the void.  Only earlier this year did God really convict me on my gluttony and broke the bonds it has had over my entire life.  It wasn't an easy battle, actually it has been harder to let go of food than I ever imagined, but by the grace of God I will overcome.  I have to watch that my fitness doesn't come before God as it did in the beginning.  I am thankful that God redirected me to use fitness for His kingdom, and I love serving him for LIFE Runners.  Every day God shows me when I start to try to fill up on things other than Him.  Occasionally I will put all my needs on my husband, but that is an impossible expectation for him to fill, that place is meant for God.  Sometimes my daughter becomes most important, but she was never meant to be number one in my life.  Even the ministry God put in my heart will try to overtake, but if God is not first, that ministry has no purpose.

As I ran by those people who were seeking to fill emptiness I did a gut check.  My eyes were opened to new ways that I am not giving God the first fruits in my life.  I am not spending enough time in the word to grow as the leader I am called to be.  I need to dedicate the first and best of my day to prayer and seeking His wisdom.  Now I must offer those issues up to God and change my direction.  That's the thing about a relationship with God, you are never done growing.  There are always more things to learn and new ways to grow.

This song we sang today at church about covers the way I feel now that Jesus is my center, the only filling I need!  I will just share the verses that really speak powerfully to me.

"Your Presence is Heaven"

Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry


God wants to be our everything.  We were designed by Him, for Him, and the only way to feel complete is to be with Him.  I pray that He always stays near to me, correcting me when I start to stumble off course.  I don't ever want to live my life apart from him as I did in my young adult years. He is my cup, and He satisfies my every need.

Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;  you make my lot secure.