I have a healthy fear of long/early runs that fall on the weekend. The bars here close at 4am and so right when I am running through town in the dark the roads can be covered with intoxicated men, and for a woman that is a bit uncomfortable. I trust in the Lord and pray as I go, I'm smart about it and stay very alert to my surroundings.
This morning as I passed through one of the very popular club areas there were about 20-30 drunk people just having been kicked out of the club gathered all over the sidewalks and parking lot. I jogged passed and my heart began to hurt for them. Fiji has a bit of a "party" problem going on right now and the police are trying to figure out how to best solve the issues that are arising.
I thought back to not so long ago in my life where I was one of these drunken people stumbling out of the club. My heart grew heavier as I wanted to desperately scream to them that no amount of alcohol would fill the void they were trying to fill, I knew, I had been there. It's hard to be on the other side of addiction and not want to offer pearls of wisdom to those stumbling in the dark. It's hard to have the key to happiness in your hand and to not want to share it with those who are struggling. The empty faces I saw, the couples arguing, the ones too wasted to walk, the ones being taken away by the police, the ones on their way to a one night stand, the ones who would just go home and be completely consumed by the emptiness they had so desperately tried to fill the night before with endless booze, I wanted them to know there was something more.
Addiction, It's not a fun word. It's not a word we like to use because it makes us sound weak. I spent much of my 20's moving from one addiction to another. I tried to fill the emptiness with food, with cigarettes, with sex, with alcohol, with anything that made me feel alive for a few minutes. What I found was that the more I drank, the more I partied, the deeper that pit of darkness grew beneath me. Finally one day I woke up and could no longer see the top. I was consumed by what I had tried to be filled with. I was more damaged, more broken then when I had started. What I needed was to fill the void, not be buried by it. In that dark time when my drinking had consumed me and brought me to a desperate place, a gentle voice reached down to me, offering to fill me, to comfort me, to quench my thirst and calm my hunger. The light shone into the dark place of my creation and He delivered me. God didn't leave me in my sin, He didn't let it destroy me, He reached down to me and gave me a choice. I could continue burying myself in the darkness attempting to fill the un-fillable void in my heart, or I could grab onto God, repent of my sinful ways, and let God fill me and make me whole! I chose God and I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I have regretted my choice. These things that had been pouring into my life for a decade, that I thought would fill me only broke me, but God fills me until I overflow and my heart is glad. I can honestly say that I am happy, fulfilled, joyful. I don't need to party to feel those things. I am alive because God has filled me with His passion, His will, His desires.
I want that for everyone. It's hard sometimes to see others struggle, I've been there, I don't want anyone to be left there. God doesn't either. He is the light calling us, He wants us to come as we are so He can show us who we were meant to be. God doesn't deny us the pleasures of life, He shows us the true pleasure of life comes from complete surrender to Him. I am satisfied in all things, I never thought I would say that, but I am. I don't need more of anything except Him.
Even after I was set free from my drinking I stumbled back into my old habit of eating to fill the void. Only earlier this year did God really convict me on my gluttony and broke the bonds it has had over my entire life. It wasn't an easy battle, actually it has been harder to let go of food than I ever imagined, but by the grace of God I will overcome. I have to watch that my fitness doesn't come before God as it did in the beginning. I am thankful that God redirected me to use fitness for His kingdom, and I love serving him for LIFE Runners. Every day God shows me when I start to try to fill up on things other than Him. Occasionally I will put all my needs on my husband, but that is an impossible expectation for him to fill, that place is meant for God. Sometimes my daughter becomes most important, but she was never meant to be number one in my life. Even the ministry God put in my heart will try to overtake, but if God is not first, that ministry has no purpose.
As I ran by those people who were seeking to fill emptiness I did a gut check. My eyes were opened to new ways that I am not giving God the first fruits in my life. I am not spending enough time in the word to grow as the leader I am called to be. I need to dedicate the first and best of my day to prayer and seeking His wisdom. Now I must offer those issues up to God and change my direction. That's the thing about a relationship with God, you are never done growing. There are always more things to learn and new ways to grow.
This song we sang today at church about covers the way I feel now that Jesus is my center, the only filling I need! I will just share the verses that really speak powerfully to me.
"Your Presence is Heaven"
Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry
Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come
Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God
All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry
God wants to be our everything. We were designed by Him, for Him, and the only way to feel complete is to be with Him. I pray that He always stays near to me, correcting me when I start to stumble off course. I don't ever want to live my life apart from him as I did in my young adult years. He is my cup, and He satisfies my every need.
Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
This morning as I passed through one of the very popular club areas there were about 20-30 drunk people just having been kicked out of the club gathered all over the sidewalks and parking lot. I jogged passed and my heart began to hurt for them. Fiji has a bit of a "party" problem going on right now and the police are trying to figure out how to best solve the issues that are arising.
I thought back to not so long ago in my life where I was one of these drunken people stumbling out of the club. My heart grew heavier as I wanted to desperately scream to them that no amount of alcohol would fill the void they were trying to fill, I knew, I had been there. It's hard to be on the other side of addiction and not want to offer pearls of wisdom to those stumbling in the dark. It's hard to have the key to happiness in your hand and to not want to share it with those who are struggling. The empty faces I saw, the couples arguing, the ones too wasted to walk, the ones being taken away by the police, the ones on their way to a one night stand, the ones who would just go home and be completely consumed by the emptiness they had so desperately tried to fill the night before with endless booze, I wanted them to know there was something more.
Addiction, It's not a fun word. It's not a word we like to use because it makes us sound weak. I spent much of my 20's moving from one addiction to another. I tried to fill the emptiness with food, with cigarettes, with sex, with alcohol, with anything that made me feel alive for a few minutes. What I found was that the more I drank, the more I partied, the deeper that pit of darkness grew beneath me. Finally one day I woke up and could no longer see the top. I was consumed by what I had tried to be filled with. I was more damaged, more broken then when I had started. What I needed was to fill the void, not be buried by it. In that dark time when my drinking had consumed me and brought me to a desperate place, a gentle voice reached down to me, offering to fill me, to comfort me, to quench my thirst and calm my hunger. The light shone into the dark place of my creation and He delivered me. God didn't leave me in my sin, He didn't let it destroy me, He reached down to me and gave me a choice. I could continue burying myself in the darkness attempting to fill the un-fillable void in my heart, or I could grab onto God, repent of my sinful ways, and let God fill me and make me whole! I chose God and I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I have regretted my choice. These things that had been pouring into my life for a decade, that I thought would fill me only broke me, but God fills me until I overflow and my heart is glad. I can honestly say that I am happy, fulfilled, joyful. I don't need to party to feel those things. I am alive because God has filled me with His passion, His will, His desires.
I want that for everyone. It's hard sometimes to see others struggle, I've been there, I don't want anyone to be left there. God doesn't either. He is the light calling us, He wants us to come as we are so He can show us who we were meant to be. God doesn't deny us the pleasures of life, He shows us the true pleasure of life comes from complete surrender to Him. I am satisfied in all things, I never thought I would say that, but I am. I don't need more of anything except Him.
Even after I was set free from my drinking I stumbled back into my old habit of eating to fill the void. Only earlier this year did God really convict me on my gluttony and broke the bonds it has had over my entire life. It wasn't an easy battle, actually it has been harder to let go of food than I ever imagined, but by the grace of God I will overcome. I have to watch that my fitness doesn't come before God as it did in the beginning. I am thankful that God redirected me to use fitness for His kingdom, and I love serving him for LIFE Runners. Every day God shows me when I start to try to fill up on things other than Him. Occasionally I will put all my needs on my husband, but that is an impossible expectation for him to fill, that place is meant for God. Sometimes my daughter becomes most important, but she was never meant to be number one in my life. Even the ministry God put in my heart will try to overtake, but if God is not first, that ministry has no purpose.
As I ran by those people who were seeking to fill emptiness I did a gut check. My eyes were opened to new ways that I am not giving God the first fruits in my life. I am not spending enough time in the word to grow as the leader I am called to be. I need to dedicate the first and best of my day to prayer and seeking His wisdom. Now I must offer those issues up to God and change my direction. That's the thing about a relationship with God, you are never done growing. There are always more things to learn and new ways to grow.
This song we sang today at church about covers the way I feel now that Jesus is my center, the only filling I need! I will just share the verses that really speak powerfully to me.
"Your Presence is Heaven"
Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry
Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come
Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God
All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry
God wants to be our everything. We were designed by Him, for Him, and the only way to feel complete is to be with Him. I pray that He always stays near to me, correcting me when I start to stumble off course. I don't ever want to live my life apart from him as I did in my young adult years. He is my cup, and He satisfies my every need.
Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
No comments:
Post a Comment