Unspeakable Joy

My finish line photo, To GOD be the Glory!

Suva Marathon has been 6 months of training, planning, hoping and praying and yesterday it became a reality.  I can tell you now that it was more incredible than I ever could have hoped or imagined.  My taper week was hard because I was struggling with muscle pains and doubt.  I turned my trust over to the Lord and decided defeat starts with a bad attitude so I chose victory!  God had promised me that I would finish this race and God would deliver.

We flew to Suva on Friday and it was an impossible day, as much as I knew I needed to rest and relax it just wasn't going to happen.  I was excited and terrified and I just wanted to get to the start line!  That evening I watched the sunset on the sea wall while we waited for the marathon briefing.  I gave it all to God, and all for His glory.  I knew that I was prepared and that I just needed to trust God with the rest.

I was flooded with awesome prayers being sent my way and everyone had some words of encouragement.  It was overwhelming and I felt so very loved by my teammates, friends, and family. This was a big day.  Not just because I would run my first marathon, but because this was the first time we as LIFE Runners had organized and stood together in unity at such a large function.  We rented a huge bus and 30 plus LIFE Runners took time off and traveled to Suva to run or cheer.  For me, LIFE Runners in Fiji was a vision God placed on my heart and that marathon was the moment where it all became so real!  One of my faithful prayer partners had called me to tell me that God had sent me the scripture;

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

It was no small coincidence that my race number ended up being 109!  God loves the details!

I woke up at 2am to eat and prepare as I had been given great race day advice by my teammate and mentor Pat.  I looked at my phone and had an amazing message on it.  The details are not something that I can share on a platform such as a blog, but one of our LIFE Runners would not be making it to the race because God had put her in the path of a baby that was in danger of being aborted.  My heart about pounded out of my chest.  This was why God brought LIFE Runners to Fiji, to help protect women, men and the unborn from the threat of abortion.  These LIFE Runners are walking the walk by stepping in and offering help and hope to those in crisis pregnancies!  I knew without a doubt that God was going to do amazing things with LIFE Runners in Fiji and that this race was just the beginning of us getting fired up for LIFE!

I can't tell you much about the time between waking and the gun, but I can tell you that the race was incredible.  From the moment we took off I felt relaxed, not an ounce of fear or doubt remained.  I wasn't concerned about being last, and in fact I was last for a little less than half of the race, but it didn't matter!  Something amazing happened as I jogged along the 10K track, I felt myself being filled with overwhelming joy.  I'm not talking about being happy, I'm talking about spirit filled joy.  It was flowing through me, it was overwhelming me, it was over taking me.  As we began turning the loop and runners heading back around I started cheering each runner on.  I had a smile on my face for literally the entire run!  I don't smile very often, and for the first time in my life I could not stop smiling!  At first the other runners seemed kind of surprised by this girl coming in last with a giant smile on her face cheering them on, but by the second lap they returned my smile with a smile of their own.  I would crack jokes with the aid stations and give praise to the marshallers, it was crazy, I was just plain happy!  Then I started sincerely thanking God for the most fun I have ever had, and what you need to understand is that it rained almost the whole race!  So here i am soaked, with a perma-smile on my face, coming in nearly last, and i am having the best day I have ever had!  I felt more saturated by Gods love in those 5 hours then I have ever felt in my life.  The love of God was literally radiating through me!  It was something I hope I never forget.  Unspeakable joy!

When I noticed my marathon partner struggling I slowed down my pace and ran and prayed with him.  I knew he was hurting, and I knew he had a very long way to go.  I spoke to him words of encouragement that God gave me and I even stayed behind him awhile to pray him forward.  When I did finally leave him it was only after i gave him GU and found out cheering section who had staminade for him.

The race ran in heats, so right when I was halfway done I knew that Ryan was starting his 10K with the other LIFE Runners who were running.  I was so excited to see them all, to cheer them on!  When they passed it was a wonderful moment.  Such a blessing to see my teammates giving it their all for God and the Unborn.

5 hours is a long time to run without stopping, OK I did take a potty break once but it was the fastest potty break ever!  God gave me the strength to run the entire race, and he gave us an amazing cheering arm.  All of our LIFE Runners had positioned themselves at the aid stations so every 2 miles we got to see their smiling faces!  I can tell you that they were a lifeline for us, and I know that they stood out there for 5 hours not only cheering us on, but helping hand out water and cheering all runners on!  I have never been so proud to be on a team as I was that day!  They put their hearts and souls into it and were standing up boldly for LIFE!

I spent the entire run in prayer and praise.  I prayed for family, for friends, for women who were tempted to abort and for those who already had and were struggling with that decision.  When it hurt I just offered my suffering up, but I never stopped smiling or cheering others on even if it was only a thumbs up at times where I had nothing left to give.  I can tell you that those runners, those strangers encouraged me at the end when I needed it most!  They gave back to me with their smiles and encouragement and I am so thankful for every single one of them! Although my body was conditioned, I did finally start to struggle in the last 5K.  Suva Marathon is a road race, and the road has a pretty good angle so my hip flexors were not happy by the end and started to spasm and cramp.  I knew if I could just make it to the next aid station I could have teammates pray with me.  As soon as I got there Fee laid hands on my hips and we said a quick prayer and I felt renewed.  I wanted desperately for Ella Mae to pray with me, I knew that she was only about a mile away so I asked God to carry me again to her and He did.  Ella Mae and Mrs. Hughes laid hands on me and said a quick prayer and then I pushed on to the finish line.  God was providing me everything I needed.

In that last quarter mile a group of marshallers yelled for me, they cheered for me, they pushed me and I ran!  I gave it all I had left and ran towards my teammates who were cheering loudly at the finish line.  They were the most beautiful sight I had ever seen holding our banner high!  I ran past them and was greeted by the race team who took amazing care of me, getting me coconut water and holding me until I was sure I could manage on my own.  I was so happy I sobbed for a minute and then sat down to recover.  I was dazed, amazed, totally happy!  A woman I met through an interview for the race came over to say hi and it was so wonderful to meet her and to finally get to talk to her face to face (I'm leaving names out to respect privacy.)  I hope that these new people I have met through Suva Marathon will become friends in the future, because I will be coming back to Suva Marathon for many years to come!

After I recovered a bit I started asking around about my running mate and found out that he was about 2km out.  Although my legs were shot I knew the battle he was facing and I felt God urge me not to let him go it alone and so when I saw him I began cheering him on and jogging beside him.  I prayed, I encouraged, and we ran together.  He never gave up!  He was a true warrior!  When we neared the finish line I fell back, this was his moment and I cheered him through!  It was so humbling to be able to run as a team and a prayer!  God showed me that when we truly let him have all of us he will infiltrate us with every ounce of his love and compassion that our bodies can handle!

The entire LIFE Runners team that came to cheer and support were amazing!  I could have never made it without them!  They were the true champions, standing out in the rain for 5 hours passing out water and cheering on runners!  They were incredible and they embodied all that is LIFE Runners at the race!  They prayed for us and with us and my heart is overwhelmed by them! They were the witnesses on the sidelines, they were the face of LIFE Runners and I know that they impacted lives with their willingness to make the trip!

This morning at church as I prayed I again was reflecting on the spirit of joy that had filled me and how I hoped that I could keep that spirit, to carry a smile more.  I thanked God for blessing me with it and providing for my needs.  I thanked the Holy Spirit for running with me and it was in that moment that God revealed to me that the Holy Spirit didn't just run with me, he was in me, radiating from me. I was the hands and feet of Jesus that day, He allowed me to be filled with his heart for others so I could feel the depth of it.  I am truly floored, the love God has for us is more than we can comprehend.  The small portion that He gave to me during the race overwhelmed my heart to the point that i truly cared for every single person I saw, and His love for us is infinitely more!  That floors me!  In my life I have found that the pursuit of most things leaves an emptiness when it is complete, that "what now?" feeling.  This race however did not have that affect.  I know what the difference is.  This race was about building my faith and trusting in the Lord, my life changed over these last 6 months, my heart changed, I changed.  The race may be over and it was amazing, but it is only a small part of what God has planned for me.  I'm so excited to see what is next that there is nothing left but thankfulness!

Well I stand by my first thought.  They say the person who starts a marathon is not the same person who finishes a marathon.  I disagree, I say the person who starts marathon training is not the same person who makes it to the start line, because the race is actually the reward for everything that came before!

Gratitude

They say the key to life is happiness, and then people pursue this happiness to their misery.  I don't think the key to life is happiness, nowhere in the Bible does God promise that we will be happy.  Happiness is not sustainable, like all emotions, it is fickle.  Don't give up on what I'm saying just yet, hear me out.....

My daughter got to spend a week with her schoolmates at a camp on the other side of the island.  At first I thought this week would be unbearable because I knew I would miss her, but Ryan and I decided to make the most of our alone time and have fun, and man did we have fun.  We woke up Tuesday early so we could run a 10K together, something we rarely get to do as a couple.  We both run, but we never get to run together.  It was very nice.  Then we hopped in the car and drove down the coast to Natadola, a slice of beauty that is indescribable and pictures do not do it justice.  It was low tide so we spent our day walking slowly up the coast to the hidden beaches that most tourists never see.  When we returned to the main beach Ryan went fishing and I decided to have a beach massage.  It was afterwards as I sat on the beach in silence just breathing it all in that I realized that I had lost my gratitude somewhere along the way and that had caused me to not be content.

I began to pray and thank God for the beauty that was before me, to thank him for all that he provided on a daily basis, to thank him for this time alone with my husband, and the time of growth Ella Mae was most certainly experiencing at camp.  I realized that I hadn't expressed my gratitude in awhile and you know what, my attitude reflected that.

It's easy to thank God when we get good news, or a prayer is answered.  It's easy to be thankful when things are really good.  Sometimes it's even easier to be thankful when things are really bad because you are reminded of how good things can be.  Often times we forget to be thankful when life is just life.  That was where I was.  Fiji was not new and exciting anymore so I forgot to be thankful for the blessing that it is to my family.  I am blessed every single day!  Even when it's tough, even when it hurts there are so many blessings surrounding me.  I pray that God will keep my eyes open to all of the ways he blesses me in every waking minute, so that I don't lose my attitude of being content.

Back to my issue with the pursuit of happiness.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy, I love being happy, happy is great, but contentment, that is where it is at.  See, maybe a new car might make someone happy, but it won't stay new.  Maybe more money will make someone happy, but it will never be enough.  Maybe a bigger house will make you happy, but then there is always a bigger house.  We work our bodies to the bone in the pursuit of these things that we think will bring us happiness, but they are just things and they cannot sustain our emotions.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
But Godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.  But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.

To be content is to be thankful for what you have and to not feel the endless need for more.  To be content is saying I have all I need and if I never have more that is OK because I am rich beyond measure.  That kind of contentment only comes from one place, from a loving relationship with Jesus.  When we have Christ in our lives we have more than we will every need and the joy will follow.  Contentment comes from a constant state of gratitude, the moment we stop being thankful it can start to slip from our grip.  I pray that God gives me a heart so filled with thanks that I never feel the need to chase worldly riches again.

Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

I need a spirit of gratitude!  The more I thanked God for his provision the more I realized that I had been very selfish with my time.  Pastor Conan spoke on being generous last Sunday and I realized that it is easy for me to be generous with most things, but I have a hard time being generous with my time.  I have spent the week trying to be more generous with my smiles, with my abilities, and with my time.  The truth is that I am content right now and that gave me the ability to slow down and listen to God and he showed me an area that I never realized I needed to change.  I am thankful that.

God uses every opportunity to teach us and guide us through life, this week without Ella Mae was a chance for me to reconnect with my husband, to spend time doing things that he likes.  I booked us a white water rafting tour on the other side of the island and it was amazing! I would have never gone white water rafting on my own, but because I am in a place of contentment and seeking God who showed me my lack of generosity, I realized that a trip on the river and a night out to dinner would be something that Ryan would love and it was a way to give back to him with my time.

Ella Mae will be home in just about an hour and I am going to remember that she needs me to be generous with my time, that I need to put down what I am doing and focus on her when she has something to show me.  I will continue to work towards being generous with myself to those around me.  I will continue to pray that God keeps reminding me to keep a grateful heart so that I can be content in all that he has provided.

With only a week left until Suva Marathon my body has recovered and I am enjoying my taper week resting in the strength and healing that God has provided for my body.  God is so amazingly good, He has not missed a chance to show me his provision and has continued to do work on my heart and in my life.  Sometimes when God shows us things it hurts, its not always pleasant to learn that you have veered down the wrong path of discontent or stumbled over selfishness, but it is awesome when he helps me stand back up again and helps me on my way!

2 Corinthians 12:10
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Marathon Journey to the Start Line

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glorify in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Today as I ran I realized that crossing the finish line of the Suva Marathon is not actually the victory, getting to the start line is!  If I had chosen this race for myself I would have given up a long time ago, but as a LIFE Runner I run for God, every time my feet touch pavement I am doing His work not my own and so I can't give up, it's simply not an option.

A marathon was never my dream.  I can tell you, from the moment that Ryan passed me the magazine on our flight to Suva, opened to a page talking about the Suva marathon, my life has never been the same.  I didn't want to run a marathon.  I was quite content with short distances and nothing too challenging, but God had other plans.  My time in Fiji is a marathon, as God uses me to do His work with LIFE Runners my commitment can't be half hearted, it can't be wishy washy, I have to be all in.  The same goes for marathon training, you are either all in or you fail.  God was going to use this training to strengthen me, to test my limits and increase my faith, He was going to show me what trust looks like.

I have spent countless hours running for God since February, training and preparing.  I totaled them up today, and since February when I started training I have run 637.52  miles (1026 km)!  That is crazy!  That would be like me running from Rapid City SD to Des Moines IA or for my Fiji friends, that would be me running all the way around Fiji 2.2 times! I have run 637 miles all to prepare my body to run 26.2 miles! Many of my long runs happened in the predawn hours, alone with God in the dark running and praying over the streets of Fiji.  In the beginning it was exciting, and I could hardly sleep the night before a long run happy to rise at 4am and hit the road.  God knew that I wouldn't make it if it got hard early.  When it was time for it to get hard, for my faith to be tested, God was right there with me.

Pain is something that many of my loved ones suffer from chronically.  As I dealt with pain and struggle I tried to remember that they fight this every day, and mine would pass.  When injury knocked at the door I made a choice not to answer.  I have to choose to trust God every single run.  When my IT bands scream in pain, when my knees throb and ache, when my calves cramp into knots, when my thighs have nothing left to give there is only one place to turn.  I turn to God!  It would be so easy to give up, I'll be honest, I've considered it.  When I have spent more time limping around, stretching, icing, and rolling out sore muscles, it is really easy to get discouraged, but God is asking me to trust Him.

Training for a marathon is not just about running, actually running has very little to do with it in my case.  This training was all about God getting His way in my life.  He showed me where my eating had become sinful and he broke the bondage of food addiction.  Occasionally I will start to stumble and the urge to binge will come but God is there reminding me how much stronger I am now that I have shed that sinful habit.  He showed me that quitting is easy, but pushing through and not giving up has great Kingdom rewards.  When I run, even when it hurts, He rewards me by building and strengthening my faith.  He is trying to show me that when I am worried or scared that those feelings don't come from Him and can be rejected, and just like that your outlook can change.  He is teaching me patience, I need lots of patience!  As a wife and as a mother I struggle with patience, but this process is long and slow and for over 6 months I have trained and waited expectantly about race day to arrive.  When I faced my first injury only 3 weeks ago (5 weeks out from race day) I really had to learn patience, to not worry, but to trust God was covering the details.

The biggest test of all was my 20 mile run, that is the longest run in training before the race and I was at the peak of my knee pain the week of my 20 miler.  Honestly my faith was wavering and I was scared that I wasn't going to make it.  That morning I got up at 3:45am to stretch and roller my legs so they would be limber on my long run.  I silently prayed that God would give me a good run to encourage me.  I also knew that I had friends and family praying for me and over me that day as I set out on my way.  I can tell you that after I warmed up that run was perfect and without pain!  God showed me that even though everything looks hopeless He provides for our needs right when we need it!  He carried me for 20 miles/32km over 4 hours without pain!  It was just what I needed to find the courage not to give up!  As I continue to run on my taper weeks, when the pain flares up I just remember how far God has already brought me and stop looking at how far I have to go.

I could never cross the finish line at Suva Marathon if I was running for myself, but with God anything is possible and I will glorify Him by never giving up!  God called me to this and I have no doubt He will see it completed!

I couldn't have done any of this without God or my family standing behind me.  Ryan has been the most supportive amazing husband.  I know that living with someone who is training for a marathon is not easy, my mood sometimes needs a good adjustment but he is always there cheering me on and waiting for me to come home after a long early morning run with words of encouragement.  He doesn't complain that I smell like icy hot constantly and he never grumbles when I ask him to massage out painful calf knots.  If He didn't support me, this would have been so much harder.  This morning my sweet daughter laid hands on my leg that was bothering me and prayed for healing.  I am so thankful that God has used this training to strengthen not only my spiritual life, but also
our walk with the Lord as a family.  There is something truly humbling to have your 5 year old lay hands on you and pray over you.  Ella Mae tells me that she is going to run a million miles for LIFE Runners when she is older.  I thank the Lord that this ministry is so powerful not just for me but for our family.

On August 8th, when I cross that finish line, I pray that God is glorified, that the LIFE Runner message of hope was spread far and wide and that this is only the beginning of what He has planned for Fiji and our amazing team of Pro-Life warriors.

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?

The Gift of the Flu

I'm stubborn, ask Ryan, ask anyone who truly knows me, I AM STUBBORN!  This means that when God asks me to do something that I really think I know better on, I like to work out a deal.  Well God doesn't do deals, and since I have submitted to His will, that means He gets His way even if He has to get stern.

This week the church was called to fast.  I didn't want to fast, I wanted to run.  God said fast.  I gave in and cut a deal.  I would fast but I would still run 2 miles every day, fearing that stopping this far in my marathon training would be detrimental.  Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.  God, who called me to train for this race, who has helped me train every mile, was now asking me to rest and yet I thought I knew better.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I fasted and ran my two miles but on Wednesday I stated itching for distance so I ran 3.  Then God put his foot down.  I got sick.  Not kind of sick, but fever sick.  I was not even able to entertain the notion of running.  God had my attention.  Now was time to rest.  I continued on my fast, seeking God in time a prayer and study as I had been doing all week long.  I realized that I was under a faith test aside from my running.  In the weakness and fatigue of fasting the enemy was testing me, he was trying to hurt me, trying to discourage me, trying to put me back into bondage of fear and doubt.  But God had called me to be still by allowing me to be sick and in that stillness I was able to see that I was being tested.  My faith was being tested and I rejoiced as I saw that clearly!

I was then able to hold onto the promises that God had put before me, the reassurance that He had given me in the past, and all of the ways He had affirmed that I was on the right path.  God drew me back near to Him and the sorrow, the fear, the doubt, it all lifted.  The weight was lifted from my shoulders!  God reminded me that He had a plan and a purpose and that He would help me to reach the goals he had set.  I just needed to have faith.  When He saw my faith wavering He allowed me to get sick so I could stop taking control and start listening.

Today my fast was lifted and I am nearly well.  I was able to run 4 miles with the LIFE Runners this morning at an amazing pace and I will be refreshed and ready for my long run on Monday.  I am thankful that God didn't allow my stubbornness to get in the way of the help He was offering, in the lesson I was learning.  Had I kept running I may have been injured, had I kept running I may have been too surrounded by noise that I missed how God was delivering me through the trial and increasing my faith.  Thank you God for this flu, it was a blessing!

I know that because God is the director of my life, that nothing I put my hand to that is for Him and of Him will fail.  I will be able to do more than I ever imagined for His kingdom.  It was foolish of me to think that I knew better than God, that taking a week off to rest my tired body wasn't part of His training plan.  Help me Lord to listen the first time, help me to not resist when You are trying to help me.  Forgive me when I do resist and continue to direct me into Your plan regardless of my stubbornness.  Your will Lord, Your way, ALWAYS!

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen 

Running with Faith

This morning was my longest run so far in my marathon training.  I was so excited I almost couldn't sleep (you would have to be a runner to understand how getting up at 4am to run for 3 hours could be exciting)!  I knew that it would be an awesome time with God, what I didn't know is that God was going to send me an unlikely running partner to teach me about faith and the way that Gods perfect plan can unfold in the most unlikely ways.

I noticed quite early on in my run that there was a tiny black shadow following me, normally this would have made me nervous but this beautiful little street dog who looked part doberman seemed more scared of me than anything else and I figured she would loose interest soon so I began talking to her and continued my run.

The funny thing is she didn't lose interest.  She stayed right on my heel mile after mile, never leaving my side except to move away when a bus came close or a man was near our path.  Like most street dogs of Fiji she had most likely been mistreated by people who were trying to shoo her away.  As we jogged along on a run that I had anticipated to be my hardest one yet, I was struck by how nice it was to have someone to run with.  In that moment I named her Faith.  God had sent me Faith, at first I thought it was to protect me, but as I watched her timidly respond to the world I knew that maybe I was to protect her.  For whatever reason that sweet little fur baby trusted me.

As we neared mile 8 of 15 I started to worry for her knowing that she was far from the places she was used to.  I knew that food was hard to come by for a street dog and she was using valuable energy to chase me all over Nadi, so I turned back and headed to McDonalds devising a plan.  At McDonalds I gave a young lady money and asked her to buy food for the Faith and then feed her so I could make my escape.  The girl agreed and I felt very clever.  As the girl tried to feed her I began to run away and there was Faith denying food to follow me.  I ran back, took the food and tried to feed her myself but she was so timid she would take it but then return to my side scared I was going to leave her.  I moved to a quiet place trying not to be frustrated that my run was being interrupted by this little dog. I finally got her to eat a bit of the burger and I tried to sneak away but there she was, again abandoning food to follow me.  I tried yelling at her but she just looked at me funny and waited.  Finally I gave up and we began our final 7 miles.

The entire run I was praying for God to take care of her, for him to send her away at the right time but mile after mile that sweet pup never gave up.  When other men or dogs intimidated her I encouraged her forward and her trust in me grew over our short time together.  I was probably the only person who had ever shown her kindness.  Her faith in me was astounding!

We were nearing the end of the run and I realized that God had certainly sent her to help me on this long run, to teach me a valuable lesson about faith, but to also encourage me.  That little dog melted my heart and filled some of the brokenness that has come from leaving our dogs behind.  As we finished out the last mile I took her along a back road to Animals Fiji, the only dog rescue in Fiji.  I knew it was time to trust her future to God.  She followed me into the compound and I surrendered her to the staff promising to pay for her spay and care until she could find a good home.  I hated to leave her but we are in no position to adopt her in our current living situation.

As I drove away crying God revealed to me so much of what I had just been part of....

Faith didn't know me at first, but for some reason she trusted me enough to follow me.  As we went further and further she saw me being kind to her and she trusted me.  Even when faced with temptation like food she chose to stick by me.  How often do we loose faith in God because something tempting comes our way? When I tried to intimidate her to make her turn back she just drew closer.  The devil often tries to intimidate us, to scare us away from Gods plan because we cannot see the big picture, but we must stay the course in faith knowing that the Lord has a great plan for us.

Faith trusted in me to help her.  In the end, because of her faith and endurance she will receive vet care to remove the ticks and fleas, she will be de-sexed to protect her from a life of litter after litter of puppies, she will be welcomed into a loving home and cared for hopefully for the rest of her life.  I wish I had her faith in all things!

Now was my time to have faith.  As I desperately wanted to bring her home and cried knowing I couldn't, God reassured me not to fear.  To trust Faith to Him, after all he had brought us together for a purpose and we had both done our part, I needed to rest in faith that He would continue to care for her.  We returned to pay for her care and snap a picture of her sweet face and she was trembling in the kennel until she saw me and then began to wag her tail.  I told her amazing running story to the women working and reassured Faith that she was going to be OK.  As we were leaving I was in tears and then I received a text from an acquaintance.  I had text him telling him of my rescue puppy and knowing they had lost a dog recently wondered if they wanted Faith.  His answer......YES!  Praise God, He loves the details.  The man and his family will see if Faith is OK around children and if she is she will be in a forever home out on a farm! **I have been told that the family will be taking Faith, they decided shortly after I posted this**

Today I ran with Faith, and God grew my faith.  I may not understand everything and sometimes it is painful to surrender, but God always finishes what he starts!

The Cup that Wont Run Dry

I have a healthy fear of long/early runs that fall on the weekend.  The bars here close at 4am and so right when I am running through town in the dark the roads can be covered with intoxicated men, and for a woman that is a bit uncomfortable.  I trust in the Lord and pray as I go, I'm smart about it and stay very alert to my surroundings.

This morning as I passed through one of the very popular club areas there were about 20-30 drunk people just having been kicked out of the club gathered all over the sidewalks and parking lot.  I jogged passed and my heart began to hurt for them.  Fiji has a bit of a "party" problem going on right now and the police are trying to figure out how to best solve the issues that are arising.

I thought back to not so long ago in my life where I was one of these drunken people stumbling out of the club.  My heart grew heavier as I wanted to desperately scream to them that no amount of alcohol would fill the void they were trying to fill, I knew, I had been there.  It's hard to be on the other side of addiction and not want to offer pearls of wisdom to those stumbling in the dark.  It's hard to have the key to happiness in your hand and to not want to share it with those who are struggling.  The empty faces I saw, the couples arguing, the ones too wasted to walk, the ones being taken away by the police, the ones on their way to a one night stand, the ones who would just go home and be completely consumed by the emptiness they had so desperately tried to fill the night before with endless booze, I wanted them to know there was something more.

Addiction, It's not a fun word.  It's not a word we like to use because it makes us sound weak.  I spent much of my 20's moving from one addiction to another.  I tried to fill the emptiness with food, with cigarettes, with sex, with alcohol, with anything that made me feel alive for a few minutes.  What I found was that the more I drank, the more I partied, the deeper that pit of darkness grew beneath me.  Finally one day I woke up and could no longer see the top.  I was consumed by what I had tried to be filled with.  I was more damaged, more broken then when I had started.  What I needed was to fill the void, not be buried by it.  In that dark time when my drinking had consumed me and brought me to a  desperate place, a gentle voice reached down to me, offering to fill me, to comfort me, to quench my thirst and calm my hunger.   The light shone into the dark place of my creation and He delivered me.  God didn't leave me in my sin, He didn't let it destroy me, He reached down to me and gave me a choice.  I could continue burying myself in the darkness attempting to fill the un-fillable void in my heart, or I could grab onto God, repent of my sinful ways, and let God fill me and make me whole!  I chose God and I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I have regretted my choice.  These things that had been pouring into my life for a decade, that I thought would fill me only broke me, but God fills me until I overflow and my heart is glad.  I can honestly say that I am happy, fulfilled, joyful.  I don't need to party to feel those things.  I am alive because God has filled me with His passion, His will, His desires.

I want that for everyone.  It's hard sometimes to see others struggle, I've been there, I don't want anyone to be left there.  God doesn't either.  He is the light calling us, He wants us to come as we are so He can show us who we were meant to be.  God doesn't deny us the pleasures of life, He shows us the true pleasure of life comes from complete surrender to Him.  I am satisfied in all things, I never thought I would say that, but I am.  I don't need more of anything except Him.

Even after I was set free from my drinking I stumbled back into my old habit of eating to fill the void.  Only earlier this year did God really convict me on my gluttony and broke the bonds it has had over my entire life.  It wasn't an easy battle, actually it has been harder to let go of food than I ever imagined, but by the grace of God I will overcome.  I have to watch that my fitness doesn't come before God as it did in the beginning.  I am thankful that God redirected me to use fitness for His kingdom, and I love serving him for LIFE Runners.  Every day God shows me when I start to try to fill up on things other than Him.  Occasionally I will put all my needs on my husband, but that is an impossible expectation for him to fill, that place is meant for God.  Sometimes my daughter becomes most important, but she was never meant to be number one in my life.  Even the ministry God put in my heart will try to overtake, but if God is not first, that ministry has no purpose.

As I ran by those people who were seeking to fill emptiness I did a gut check.  My eyes were opened to new ways that I am not giving God the first fruits in my life.  I am not spending enough time in the word to grow as the leader I am called to be.  I need to dedicate the first and best of my day to prayer and seeking His wisdom.  Now I must offer those issues up to God and change my direction.  That's the thing about a relationship with God, you are never done growing.  There are always more things to learn and new ways to grow.

This song we sang today at church about covers the way I feel now that Jesus is my center, the only filling I need!  I will just share the verses that really speak powerfully to me.

"Your Presence is Heaven"

Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry


God wants to be our everything.  We were designed by Him, for Him, and the only way to feel complete is to be with Him.  I pray that He always stays near to me, correcting me when I start to stumble off course.  I don't ever want to live my life apart from him as I did in my young adult years. He is my cup, and He satisfies my every need.

Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;  you make my lot secure.

Stumble....

The other day I was running, and I was having a rough time.  This is always very frustrating to me because I tend to only struggle on some of my short runs, which makes no sense to me since I run much farther distances without trouble.  As I was struggling to push forward and finish a modest 10K I started to focus on all of the things that I was having a hard time with.  I was tired, I was sore, I was not motivated, it was hot, I was thirsty, the list went on and on.  Then I made a very big mistake, I stopped focusing on anything but my "mountains" I took my eyes off the road, and more importantly I took my eyes off of God.  At that moment I stumbled and rolled my ankle on the uneven ground.  I am thankful that God kept me standing and I was able to keep running without injury, but God got my attention!

As I ran gently until my ankle felt normal again I was praying fervently for protection from injury.  My marathon is just around the corner and a silly fall like that is enough to ruin months of training.  I realized that my eyes had moved from God to my struggles.  I also realized that this run was no different than the times in my life where I forgot that God was fighting for me, that I was not alone.  I pray for the wisdom to always keep my eyes fixed on the Lord.  I pray that I won't become distracted by the struggles and trials of this life.  In the past, when I have taken my eyes off of God and my focused shifted to my problems, I have been brought to my knees.  I was never meant to deal with them on my own.  God wants to carry my burdens, He wants to move mountains for me.  He wants me to look to him for miracles instead of looking to myself in doubt.  He wants me to have faith in him to see the impossible become possible.  He wants to keep me from stumbling, to protect me from falling.

My eyes must remain firmly fixed on God or I will get swept away by the world.  I was never meant to do these things on my own.  When God called me to serve Him, He didn't turn around and leave me, He walks with me, He shows me the way, He opens the doors.  God gives us His vision, He puts His ministry on our hearts if we are willing.  He never asks us to do it alone, and the truth is that if we tried to do it alone we would fail without a doubt.  With my eyes fixed on him there is no mountain that cant be moved, there is no obstacle that cant be conquered.  We all face trials in life, but those trials are meant to make us stronger by reminding us to lean on God and trust in Him no matter what the circumstance.  Jesus loves us so much that He died for us, He cares for us in all that we face.  Thank you God for reminding me to look to you!

Psalm141:8
But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD;  in you I take refuge-do not give me over to death.

Psalm 61:3
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;  my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

John 10:11
"I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."