The Cup that Wont Run Dry

I have a healthy fear of long/early runs that fall on the weekend.  The bars here close at 4am and so right when I am running through town in the dark the roads can be covered with intoxicated men, and for a woman that is a bit uncomfortable.  I trust in the Lord and pray as I go, I'm smart about it and stay very alert to my surroundings.

This morning as I passed through one of the very popular club areas there were about 20-30 drunk people just having been kicked out of the club gathered all over the sidewalks and parking lot.  I jogged passed and my heart began to hurt for them.  Fiji has a bit of a "party" problem going on right now and the police are trying to figure out how to best solve the issues that are arising.

I thought back to not so long ago in my life where I was one of these drunken people stumbling out of the club.  My heart grew heavier as I wanted to desperately scream to them that no amount of alcohol would fill the void they were trying to fill, I knew, I had been there.  It's hard to be on the other side of addiction and not want to offer pearls of wisdom to those stumbling in the dark.  It's hard to have the key to happiness in your hand and to not want to share it with those who are struggling.  The empty faces I saw, the couples arguing, the ones too wasted to walk, the ones being taken away by the police, the ones on their way to a one night stand, the ones who would just go home and be completely consumed by the emptiness they had so desperately tried to fill the night before with endless booze, I wanted them to know there was something more.

Addiction, It's not a fun word.  It's not a word we like to use because it makes us sound weak.  I spent much of my 20's moving from one addiction to another.  I tried to fill the emptiness with food, with cigarettes, with sex, with alcohol, with anything that made me feel alive for a few minutes.  What I found was that the more I drank, the more I partied, the deeper that pit of darkness grew beneath me.  Finally one day I woke up and could no longer see the top.  I was consumed by what I had tried to be filled with.  I was more damaged, more broken then when I had started.  What I needed was to fill the void, not be buried by it.  In that dark time when my drinking had consumed me and brought me to a  desperate place, a gentle voice reached down to me, offering to fill me, to comfort me, to quench my thirst and calm my hunger.   The light shone into the dark place of my creation and He delivered me.  God didn't leave me in my sin, He didn't let it destroy me, He reached down to me and gave me a choice.  I could continue burying myself in the darkness attempting to fill the un-fillable void in my heart, or I could grab onto God, repent of my sinful ways, and let God fill me and make me whole!  I chose God and I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I have regretted my choice.  These things that had been pouring into my life for a decade, that I thought would fill me only broke me, but God fills me until I overflow and my heart is glad.  I can honestly say that I am happy, fulfilled, joyful.  I don't need to party to feel those things.  I am alive because God has filled me with His passion, His will, His desires.

I want that for everyone.  It's hard sometimes to see others struggle, I've been there, I don't want anyone to be left there.  God doesn't either.  He is the light calling us, He wants us to come as we are so He can show us who we were meant to be.  God doesn't deny us the pleasures of life, He shows us the true pleasure of life comes from complete surrender to Him.  I am satisfied in all things, I never thought I would say that, but I am.  I don't need more of anything except Him.

Even after I was set free from my drinking I stumbled back into my old habit of eating to fill the void.  Only earlier this year did God really convict me on my gluttony and broke the bonds it has had over my entire life.  It wasn't an easy battle, actually it has been harder to let go of food than I ever imagined, but by the grace of God I will overcome.  I have to watch that my fitness doesn't come before God as it did in the beginning.  I am thankful that God redirected me to use fitness for His kingdom, and I love serving him for LIFE Runners.  Every day God shows me when I start to try to fill up on things other than Him.  Occasionally I will put all my needs on my husband, but that is an impossible expectation for him to fill, that place is meant for God.  Sometimes my daughter becomes most important, but she was never meant to be number one in my life.  Even the ministry God put in my heart will try to overtake, but if God is not first, that ministry has no purpose.

As I ran by those people who were seeking to fill emptiness I did a gut check.  My eyes were opened to new ways that I am not giving God the first fruits in my life.  I am not spending enough time in the word to grow as the leader I am called to be.  I need to dedicate the first and best of my day to prayer and seeking His wisdom.  Now I must offer those issues up to God and change my direction.  That's the thing about a relationship with God, you are never done growing.  There are always more things to learn and new ways to grow.

This song we sang today at church about covers the way I feel now that Jesus is my center, the only filling I need!  I will just share the verses that really speak powerfully to me.

"Your Presence is Heaven"

Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world could satisfy
'Cause Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry


God wants to be our everything.  We were designed by Him, for Him, and the only way to feel complete is to be with Him.  I pray that He always stays near to me, correcting me when I start to stumble off course.  I don't ever want to live my life apart from him as I did in my young adult years. He is my cup, and He satisfies my every need.

Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;  you make my lot secure.

Stumble....

The other day I was running, and I was having a rough time.  This is always very frustrating to me because I tend to only struggle on some of my short runs, which makes no sense to me since I run much farther distances without trouble.  As I was struggling to push forward and finish a modest 10K I started to focus on all of the things that I was having a hard time with.  I was tired, I was sore, I was not motivated, it was hot, I was thirsty, the list went on and on.  Then I made a very big mistake, I stopped focusing on anything but my "mountains" I took my eyes off the road, and more importantly I took my eyes off of God.  At that moment I stumbled and rolled my ankle on the uneven ground.  I am thankful that God kept me standing and I was able to keep running without injury, but God got my attention!

As I ran gently until my ankle felt normal again I was praying fervently for protection from injury.  My marathon is just around the corner and a silly fall like that is enough to ruin months of training.  I realized that my eyes had moved from God to my struggles.  I also realized that this run was no different than the times in my life where I forgot that God was fighting for me, that I was not alone.  I pray for the wisdom to always keep my eyes fixed on the Lord.  I pray that I won't become distracted by the struggles and trials of this life.  In the past, when I have taken my eyes off of God and my focused shifted to my problems, I have been brought to my knees.  I was never meant to deal with them on my own.  God wants to carry my burdens, He wants to move mountains for me.  He wants me to look to him for miracles instead of looking to myself in doubt.  He wants me to have faith in him to see the impossible become possible.  He wants to keep me from stumbling, to protect me from falling.

My eyes must remain firmly fixed on God or I will get swept away by the world.  I was never meant to do these things on my own.  When God called me to serve Him, He didn't turn around and leave me, He walks with me, He shows me the way, He opens the doors.  God gives us His vision, He puts His ministry on our hearts if we are willing.  He never asks us to do it alone, and the truth is that if we tried to do it alone we would fail without a doubt.  With my eyes fixed on him there is no mountain that cant be moved, there is no obstacle that cant be conquered.  We all face trials in life, but those trials are meant to make us stronger by reminding us to lean on God and trust in Him no matter what the circumstance.  Jesus loves us so much that He died for us, He cares for us in all that we face.  Thank you God for reminding me to look to you!

Psalm141:8
But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD;  in you I take refuge-do not give me over to death.

Psalm 61:3
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;  my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

John 10:11
"I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."

Promises

Luke 24:6-8
"He is not here; he has risen!  Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:  'The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.'"  Then they remembered.

Today as I sit and read my Bible, I am reminded of something that I often lose sight of.  Just as the women at the tomb FORGOT the promises of Jesus, I forget the promises He has spoken. God has made me beautiful promises, and those promises will come to pass because God does not break His word.  It's so easy for me to fall into fear, doubt, or worry when things don't go the way I had hoped or planned, but the truth is that God does not leave us ever and He has a plan and purpose over everything.  We need to hold onto His promises.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you;  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

A promise, a mighty promise that there is no need to fear because God is with me and will give me the strength to get through anything.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, " Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

A promise that God has a plan over my life and that no matter what may come His perfect purpose will cover me.  This verse was given to me by a stranger straight from God at a key point in my faith journey, when I was still struggling with letting go of my past and trusting God with my future.  Since the day I said "yes" to God He has NEVER let me down.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

The most amazing promise.  All we have to do is confess to God that we are sinners and that we need Him and He will remove our transgressions from us.  We are simply saved by a promise, by grace through faith in Jesus Christ!

Proverbs 18:10
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower;  the righteous run to it and are safe.

A promise that God is watching over us, and that he will protect us.  This does not mean that nothing bad will ever happen to us, however, but it means that we can draw into Him and He will help us through all that we face.  The name of Jesus has power to bring comfort, encouragement, hope, and peace when everything else seems to fall apart.

Isaiah 25:8
he will swallow up death forever.  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces;  he will remove his peoples disgrace from all the earth.  The Lord has spoken.

A promise that when we accept the Salvation that comes from the sinless life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ we are made brand new.  We don't have to fear death because we will spend eternity in heaven.  Our mourning over sin will end because our sin has been removed from us.  Our shame is gone, we are righteous in the sight of God!

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

A promise that if we choose to reject God and continue in sin that we will die and spend eternity in complete absence of God (hell), BUT the free gift of salvation through Christ gives us eternal life!

Romans 8:39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

A powerful promise, that NOTHING can separate God from his beloved children.  That once you are His you cannot be taken from Him.  When Jesus lives in our hearts we are His for eternity!

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

A promise that those who seek him, truly seek him will be rewarded.  We must have faith in God to accomplish all that He desires from us, we cannot serve Him or know Him without faith.

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

A promise that reminds us that salvation is a gift from God, it cant be earned.  It is freely given.  No amount of works will get you into heaven, nothing you could do or not do will get you into heaven.  By faith you must accept the free gift through Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

A promise that, although, discipline is painful it will produce righteousness when we are trained by it.  We are not disciplined because God wants to harm us, but He wants to make us who we were meant to be, to mold us and shape us.

Revelations 3:20
Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

A promise that God is seeking us out, Jesus is knocking at our the door of our hearts!  We aren't chasing some unreachable god, we are being pursued by God who loves us so much that He sent His Son to die for us!  All we have to do is open the door and let Him in!

So many beautiful promises in the Bible, all of which you can be certain God will fulfill if only you put your life into His hands.  Being a Christian does not mean that your life will be easy, or without tragedy, but it does mean that we don't walk alone.  That we have a God who listens and cares for us, a God that we will spend eternity with, a God who left heaven to walk this broken earth so that we might spend eternity in heaven with Him.  I pray this Easter people will put away the bunny and start seeking the King....

LIFE Runners Journey

40 days ago LIFE Runners all over the world embarked on an epic journey.  LIFE Runners joined together to cover 5,564 miles of the A-Cross America Relay.  Some of us covered unfilled legs remotely from all over the world, others in the US made pilgrimage to cover the miles, and many filled their local legs.  Together we became a living banner with our "REMEMBER the Unborn Jer 1:5" gear, offering up each mile as a prayer.  Some ran in the snow, the rain, the cold.  Others faced extreme heat and tropical storms, but as one united team we crossed the finish line in Sioux Falls South Dakota on Palm Sunday.

During this 40 days God has changed me so much.  He placed on my heart the desire to run the Suva marathon and so I began my training and was able to run 31 legs, which covered 107.64 miles of the Relay remotely from Fiji.  The awesome Fiji LIFE Runners chapter covered over 34 legs, 104 miles, of the relay as they embrace the culture of LIFE.  It has been powerful what God has been doing in Fiji.  When we first got here I wondered what God had planned for me in this country where abortion is still illegal.  God revealed to me that Fiji needs LIFE Runners possibly even more because abortion is illegal.  God had a plan and it has been powerful to watch him build a mighty chapter from just my family of 3 to well over 80 members in just a few short months.  The people of Fiji have been excited to embrace the life affirming message, it has helped them be able to talk about a tabu subject that abortion has become.  I still can't even believe how powerful it has been watching them stand for life!  The Fiji LIFE Runners have passion and drive and I have no doubt that God will continue to grow this chapter and work miracles through them.  As of right now I have heard so many testimonies of hearts that have been changed, babies that have been saved, salvation's that have come, all because God called and we all answered.

My life is forever changed.  I could never thank God enough for how much he has changed me, how he took a broken, lost, and hurting woman and gave me strength and courage to trust in him for everything.  He has broken all bondage, he is changing me every single day, and I desire to serve him alone.  Far to much of my younger life was spent in slavery to my flesh, but now I am set free and I will serve God with every breath until he calls me home.

I was given the great honor of 2014 Female LIFE Runner of the year, something that I still can't believe.  It is such an honor.  To God be the glory.  God called us to Fiji and we went, because we trust God to lead us where he needs us.  God gave me the courage to continue to run and speak boldly of the truth about abortion, and through that he led me to a church that was ready to take up the cause.  God is the complete architect of LIFE Runners in Fiji and I am honored that he used me, and will continue to use me.  LIFE Runners is so much more than running.  It is reaching out to those who are hurting and scared and being someone they can talk to.  It is about sacrificing your body and giving all you have because you never know who needs to read the words written on your back.  If I skip that run or that ride I may be robbing someone the encouragement they need.  LIFE Runners is about letting everything you do be a prayer, about trusting God to get you to where you need to be.  It is about fighting for what is right, and being the hands and feet of Jesus by reaching out to those who do not yet know Him.  LIFE Runners is a ministry, it is a way for all of us to be disciples out in the world, reaching out to those who need His touch.  LIFE Runners blesses my life every single day.  It has helped my family to get physically fit and spiritually fit all at the same time, it is our witness with fitness.  We won't stop until abortion is UNTHINKABLE!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit if the womb is a reward.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

As I continue this journey with LIFE Runners in Fiji and train for my first marathon I am drawn to the beautiful verse that is so fitting for a runner....

Psalm 26.2
Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.

I pray that as I run and call to God for strength that he will continue to refine me with every step.  That he will continue to remove from me what does not please him and show me what he desires from me.  I pray that I will have the courage to do his will always and to never back down just because it seems hard or scary.  I thank him that he didn't let me back down when he called me to bring LIFE Runners to Fiji.  I trust in the Lord to finish what he started, and I know that he will faithfully follow through.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Finding Strength in Shade

I love the sun, I love warm weather, I am made to live in a tropical climate.  That being said today I prayed for rain on my run.

I realized that sometimes in life we get really comfortable in the sun, but when the clouds roll in and the trials hit we start to wonder if the sun has left for good.  In the time when the clouds cover the sun something amazing happens.  Faith grows and you can accomplish more than you imagined.  I think God knows that sometimes we need shade to push to the next level.  He doesn't leave us, He is still on the other side of the cloud, but He knows that we need a bit of cool air to teach us to push harder.  In the shade we learn that we can dig deeper and trust God that we will get through.

We often complain about trials, and why not, they aren't fun.  But the truth is without trials I think we begin to take the sun for granted and we start to slip into our own reliance.  God wants us to want Him, and sometimes He goes silent, not because He doesn't hear us, not because He doesn't see us, but because when He is silent we have to seek Him.  I know in my life when everything is going good and life gets really simple sometimes I slip a bit further from God that I ever intend.  When He allows me to see that distance has grown I run back to Him immediately.  During the times in my life where God has been silent it has taught me that there is clearly something that He is trying to teach me and show me and it makes me a stronger person as I seek Him out.

Don't confuse Gods silence with His absence.  He is never far from us and He does not leave His children.  When you find yourself running in the shade, maybe it's time to push harder and further than you ever thought possible.  God knows you can do it, He wants us to succeed in His purpose over our lives.

Psalms 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.

During the times of trial we really need to get into Gods word, spend time in prayer and truly seek Him.  It is not enough to simply wait, it is a process of growth requiring effort.  It is an active process and if we want victory, if we want to be strengthened we must give Him our attention.  If I want to become a stronger runner I have to push myself, I have to take advantage of the shade and use that time to increase my pace, ask my muscles to work harder, tell my mind that I can do it.  It is the same when God is strengthening us.  We have to renew our mind by reading the word and praying.  We have to stretch our muscles by living out what we have learned and stepping out in faith when we feel God leading.

John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have to more abundantly.

When the clouds move in we can sometimes only see the enemy attacking.  We are looking the wrong direction.  When it gets dark that is when we run for Jesus, we look for Him and to Him.  He is greater than the devil and Jesus has already defeated him.  We need to keep our eyes fixed on the Lord.  When I run and I am at the end of my own strength I always pray "Lord, I can't go any further, I've got nothing left.  I know that you want me to make it to the finish, so I need you to carry me now."  You know what, I have never not finished.  God has gotten me there every time!  Honestly I normally have more energy after I pray and I feel the Holy Spirit with me.  My runs are spent in prayer and praise, trusting in faith that my feet won't fail simply because God will get me there.  God will get us through our trials if only our focus is on Him.  We have to have the right focus.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Trust in the one who makes all things possible!

The Marathon

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I have never run a marathon, I have not yet tasted that victory.  I hear that you are never the same after, and I believe that must be true.  I am training for my first marathon and I can tell you that it is changing me.  It is growing me, spiritually as well as physically.  As I run these training miles I realize that this faith journey is a marathon.

From the very moment that you accept Jesus into your heart, truly surrender your life to him, turn from the way of the flesh to the way of the Lord you begin training for your marathon.  Just like you wouldn't step foot out the door after never having run before and run the full 26.2 miles, God doesn't ask you to start the race just yet.  God begins training you, building your faith and endurance through trials and tests.  His training is painful at times, but at the end of each training distance you feel victory.  Sometimes we can't finish the training run, our feet fail, our faith fails, we stumble, but we don't give up!  God asks us to go run again the next day and the day after as he perfects faith and endurance in us.  He will never be finished training us, just like the day you run your first marathon is not the last time you will run.  Finally, one day, God calls to us and says, today is race day.  Its time to step out in faith in the calling on your life.  He knows that you are strong, that you have the longevity.  Although this race goes well beyond 26.2 miles, it is the most important race of our lives, to answer obediently the call of Christ!  He has a purpose for each of our lives, we are all called to serve.

As LIFE Runners the end of our current "marathon" is the glorious day when abortion will no longer harm our unborn, women, and men.  When abortion will become unthinkable.  When we as society embrace life from conception to natural death.  On that glorious day LIFE Runners will celebrate the end to an amazing journey, a victory for life, but as Christians our race will not be over, there will still be much work to be done.  Our race will not end until we take our last breath before God brings us home.

As Christians the race goes on for our lifetime.  That is why it is so important to train hard, to hide the word in our hearts.  To find strength in prayer as the Holy Spirit guides our way.  To seek fellowship with other believers so that we have a team that will cheer us on.  This is the greatest marathon of our lives, the plan that God has for us.  With perseverance we will press forward.  We will never give up!  All in Christ for Pro-Life!

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

40 Days and 40 Nights

Its been 40 days since I have consumed artificial sugar, meat, or anything processed.  NO, I did not make that decision as part of some diet, I made that decision because God called me to fast and that is what I felt would be the hardest and best sacrifice from my daily life.  I am truly addicted to sugar, but not because sugar tastes good, but because eating fills a void.  That void however is meant to be filled by God.  So I embarked on this 40 day fast in the hope of once and for all breaking my eating disorder and letting God heal me.

What happened over the last 40 days is that I found that I could get through any stress put before me, any trigger situation, and turn the need to God and truly reject food as the answer.  I have made it 40 days and the truth is the cravings for more are fleeting and much easier to overcome with prayer.  What is even more miraculous is that I now sleep through the night, something I haven't done since my teen years.  I no longer pick nervously at my cuticles, something I have done from childhood, and I respond less panicked when trouble arrives.  I still have a long way to go with my attitude.  I still struggle with a harsh tongue when I am under pressure, but I see very clearly how God is refining me.  I want more than ever for my heart to be filled with patience and love so I can be long-suffering.  I want to be the mother and wife God has called me to be and when I respond with harshness I am not filling that role.

This fast had everything to do with food and then nothing to do with it.  It was a time where I said "OK God, what do you want to see changed in me?' God not only answered but he changed me.  I feel like I can really lean on him and he is right there.  This has not been an easy 40 days, in the middle of it all we had visa issues, my Dad had another emergency surgery, I ran out of my hormones and cannot get them here in Fiji, my Mom got hurt, I'm homesick like I have never been before, as well as the typical day to day struggles.  By the grace of God I saw that I could weather these storms without the comfort of food because food didn't bring me the comfort I needed, only God could do that.

During these 40 days God changed the face of my fitness as well.  My bike that has been my main source of fitness broke a spoke and the only one person on the island who can get me a spoke will not be back on the island for awhile.  That morning as I stood looking at my bike I heard God say run.  Since that day I have been training for a marathon and am running about 22 miles a week on average.  A year ago I was crying out to the Lord to heal my knee so I could run A-Cross America Relay miles, and now I am running pain free daily!  I have seen that the injury I carried was only ever spiritual and I am learning to trust God faithfully.  He has healed me, and he has called me to run for LIFE and for his kingdom and because it is for him and of him I do not have to fear.  I will be able to run, and I will not worry any longer about what might happen.  It is in Gods hands.

This 40 days has given me deeper vision for the ministry of LIFE Runners in Fiji.  Our chapter has grown from a handful to nearly 70!  I see how God is working and I am learning to trust him to lead the way and open doors.  In times where I may feel like nothing is happening God is still busy.  I am planting seeds even if I may never fully see the harvest.  The team here in Fiji has completely embraced the mission for life and they are a powerful group of faith.  What a blessing they have been for me and my family.  I love them deeply, these amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am thankful for them.  I know that long after God has moved us to another place that LIFE Runners will continue here with great purpose because of them.  I was also given the honor of being voted into an official National LIFE Runners position, Operations Assistant, and I am excited to see what God has planned that way.  So many amazing things have happened, and I am just thankful that God called me to serve and that he gave me the courage to say yes!

I'm still trying to find balance in my life.  I still struggle with giving God the first of my day, and I want to, he deserves the very best of my day, the very best of my attention.  My runs are spent in prayer and praise and I value that one on one time where I am just in his presence.  Especially when I start my runs an hour before day break and the world is still quiet.

My biggest fear is that tomorrow when I have to the freedom to eat whatever I like that I will choose to eat what I know I should not.  Part of me is excited that the fast is over, that I can enjoy a bit more variety than my 2 salads a day, but the other part likes the safety of the fast.  The promise I made to not violate it.  This is where the true test begins.  The moment where you have the choice to choose, where I can eat anything.  I hope to continue to seek God and to not fall back into old habits.  To decide that my thirst can only be quenched by God and that I do not need to return to food and fear.  Isn't that the same for us when we begin to follow Christ.  At first we are so excited at the newness of it, but then as it becomes part of our lives on a more deeper level we are faced with old temptations, not necessarily even sin, but old ways that could easily draw us back the way we came.  I want to flee from temptation.  Maybe that means that I will never eat another candy or chip, and maybe I will learn to control my appetite.  I know one thing for sure, I will be seeking God closely during this transition out of my fast.  I will not fall back to my old ways, I have come to far for that, and I know that my gluttony is something that stands between me and God and I want nothing standing between me and God.  I guess if that means that I never get to eat candy or drink soda again then so be it.  Christ gave up far more than candy for me, this is a small sacrifice.  I will pray, and I will seek, and I will trust in where he leads me.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sad down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.