Bondage, it comes in all shapes and sizes and can completely derail your life. I realized only a few weeks ago that I have carried some bondage since my teen years that I never thought to ask God to help me with.
See I have an eating disorder, not the kind that most people think of, I'm not anorexic and I'm not bulimic but I am a binger. When life gets rough I eat, when life gets boring I eat, when life gets sad I eat, you get the point. Its not all of the time, but when a binge hits its so devastating to me. I literally can't stop myself from it, it takes over and I can find myself consuming 2-4000 calories in mere hours. I work out a lot and that helps me from getting fat, but honestly I can gain a pound a day when on a really bad binge. I guess I have never said all of this out loud because it was always something I accepted as just being "me." I never put two and two together to see that the enemy had me on this one, that this was a weapon formed against me, and yet I know that nothing formed against me shall stand.
Isaiah 54:17
"no weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD
For my entire life I have silently battled this on my own. Its funny the things that we are ashamed of. I have no problem admitting that my life was out of control and that my sins were unrestrained before God turned my life around and took me to India but I have hidden this from everyone, including myself, until just recently mostly because I didn't see it for what it was. I have been praying for God to reveal all things that need to be changed in me and the moment I saw that my glutton behavior was not just destructive but it was sinful I immediately asked God for help.
In this God revealed to me that I needed to not just let go of the recent past, but to let go and move forward from all hurtful events of my life. He showed me that my not facing the wounds of my past had allowed the enemy to continue to hold me captive in destruction. At that very moment I let go and gave it all to him, decided to no longer let any of my past affect my future I was released. When I start to feel the binge creep in I start to pray and if I am still feeling weak I ask Ryan to pray with me. I know that it will be something that I may have to give to God over and over, but at this point I feel completely delivered. To be honest now I have to remind myself to eat, I know that seems funny but its true, I literally have very little desire for food, and eat not for enjoyment but for the purpose of eating.
I have really been trying to restructure my day to better serve God. Instead of trying to find time for Him, I am getting up earlier and giving him the first of my morning. It is enjoyable to start my day with him. Even on a day like today where everything seems to be going wrong I am not longing for food but turning to Him to cover the details of our needs. Praise God, I have again been set free, the enemy can't hold me captive in this bondage anymore! I pray now that God will begin to change the residual anger and hardness that I seem to show when I am worried, I know that He can change me in every way until I am who He designed me to be!
See I have an eating disorder, not the kind that most people think of, I'm not anorexic and I'm not bulimic but I am a binger. When life gets rough I eat, when life gets boring I eat, when life gets sad I eat, you get the point. Its not all of the time, but when a binge hits its so devastating to me. I literally can't stop myself from it, it takes over and I can find myself consuming 2-4000 calories in mere hours. I work out a lot and that helps me from getting fat, but honestly I can gain a pound a day when on a really bad binge. I guess I have never said all of this out loud because it was always something I accepted as just being "me." I never put two and two together to see that the enemy had me on this one, that this was a weapon formed against me, and yet I know that nothing formed against me shall stand.
Isaiah 54:17
"no weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD
For my entire life I have silently battled this on my own. Its funny the things that we are ashamed of. I have no problem admitting that my life was out of control and that my sins were unrestrained before God turned my life around and took me to India but I have hidden this from everyone, including myself, until just recently mostly because I didn't see it for what it was. I have been praying for God to reveal all things that need to be changed in me and the moment I saw that my glutton behavior was not just destructive but it was sinful I immediately asked God for help.
In this God revealed to me that I needed to not just let go of the recent past, but to let go and move forward from all hurtful events of my life. He showed me that my not facing the wounds of my past had allowed the enemy to continue to hold me captive in destruction. At that very moment I let go and gave it all to him, decided to no longer let any of my past affect my future I was released. When I start to feel the binge creep in I start to pray and if I am still feeling weak I ask Ryan to pray with me. I know that it will be something that I may have to give to God over and over, but at this point I feel completely delivered. To be honest now I have to remind myself to eat, I know that seems funny but its true, I literally have very little desire for food, and eat not for enjoyment but for the purpose of eating.
I have really been trying to restructure my day to better serve God. Instead of trying to find time for Him, I am getting up earlier and giving him the first of my morning. It is enjoyable to start my day with him. Even on a day like today where everything seems to be going wrong I am not longing for food but turning to Him to cover the details of our needs. Praise God, I have again been set free, the enemy can't hold me captive in this bondage anymore! I pray now that God will begin to change the residual anger and hardness that I seem to show when I am worried, I know that He can change me in every way until I am who He designed me to be!
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