Did You Say Spider....

Once upon a time 2 women who didn't even know each other started an incredible journey together.  These American women found themselves living in India and discovered a friendship that would be filled with crazy memories.  Tonight I am reminded of something that really set the tone for our lives of travel and adventure.

It was a typical evening in Dream Valley (Hyderabad India) filled with scheduled power outages and  husbands who flew crazy schedules.  We were spending time together and the subject came up of a rat that had decided one of the bathrooms was its home.  Just then we heard the tell tale sounds of said rat nosing around.  The rats in India are only rat by breed, they are in fact the size of cats and totally terrifying.  Armed with brooms we entered the bathroom to find the carnage left by the rat who made hasty retreat into the floor drain, which we bravely covered with a bucket and something heavy to hold it there.  The next day the landlord fixed the drains and that ended our first 3rd world critter saga.  Although many more critter incidents occurred in India none stick with me like that one, where two women braved the unknown to chase out a rat.

Tonight, nearly 6 years later, we find ourselves again living in a 3rd world Country.  Fiji is infinitely better than India in my opinion, but tonight it gave me a run for my money.  What a blessing it was to able to call my dear friend over to help me.  Honestly, 6 years ago I had no idea that I was having my first crazy adventure with a lifetime friend.  That first adventure was followed by pregnancies and birth and raising babies in India.  What a blessing she has been to me and I am so happy that our families get to share in this chapter together.  Back to the critter adventure...

So I decided it was time to spray the perimeter of the house with ant spray since the ants have been becoming problematic.  I went to the store, purchased the poison, closed the windows and sprayed the entire perimeter. Nailed it!

Not much later I was reminded why I prefer not to do this as the trapped and dying monster bugs began to emerge.  First one giant cockroach followed by another and another.  I sucked it up, and I killed them.  I'll admit I was screaming inside the whole time, but it had to be done and Ryan was not home.  Already feeling like I probably wouldn't sleep tonight knowing that the crazy dying bugs were running rampant but nothing prepared me for what came next.  I had just given Ella Mae a shower and had taken one after her and was exiting the shower when a huge huntsman spider rounded the corner.  I took one look at this huge scary spider in my house and decided NO WAY, I was not going to be able to handle this.  I called Becca and said "I can't do this."  Her response without asking any details was "I'll be right down."  That is the sign of a true friend.  She had no idea what I couldn't do but she was going to come and help me do whatever it was.  What followed next is probably going to be one of my favorite memories.

Becca was here, we were both armed with brooms ready for the spider stand off.  I was in a towel, too scared to change and possibly loose the spiders position.  Becca whacked it and it ran into the bathroom, we both began to scream and we whacked it again but then it was gone, where did it go.  I was certain I was going to have to move because I would never again be able to use the bathroom or any part of my house knowing this giant spider was hiding somewhere.  I suggest you look up the Huntsman Spider, they are ambush spiders and they jump (totally harmless of course but scary none the less).  That is my worst nightmare!

With some more screaming we found him in the trash can so somehow I mustered courage, tied off the bag and threw it in the trash.  He is still alive and can live anywhere but in my home!

I am so thankful for amazing friends that God handpicked for me.  Becca is certainly one of those people, she has been a blessing to my life and I cannot imagine these last 6 years without her in it!  Thank you Becca, now can we please stop with these crazy critter memories.....

Treading Water

There are days where I find myself singing "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming" not because I like the song, but because it truly describes my moment.  I feel like I am treading water, jut trying to keep my head above there surface and certainly not getting anywhere.  I should by now know that these "slumps" are set out to discourage me and that I can reject them and cling to the Word of truth, the Bible.  Why oh why is it so easy to forget that I have weapons to fight these attacks.

I feel struck, and feeling stuck makes me feel like a failure, and then I start dwelling on things I cannot change, failures and sins that I can fix but have been forgiven of.  Why do I dwell on these things that God has removed from me as far as the east is from the west.  I dwell on them because I am letting the enemy lie to me.  So at this moment I rebuke those lies.  I cling to the truth in the word.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)

The lies we are told are meant to side track us, to distract us.  If I am looking at things past, things that God and I have already dealt with, if my focus is on failures that I have already given up then I'm certainly not looking at the things that God wants me to focus on.  If the enemy can keep me defeated then I won't be growing and serving God in the way that I am called to.  The deception is real, but the truth and the light shine through the lies and that is where my focus must turn.

This last week has been hard.  My Dad had to have emergency surgery and will now be under care of a hospital for 6 weeks as his body fights infection.  This leaves my Mom alone, in the country and she is not well.  I am thousands of miles away and unable to help and that sets the tone for all of the attacks that follow.  Sunday I was hit with a migraine, and a migraine is about the only thing that can keep me from church.  Although I believe that God kept me home that day to help out some Christian friends in need, I also know that when I miss church I feel something missing, so my week continued into a downward spiral.  Now I am sick and Ryan will not be home for 4 days, I have no energy and all of these burdens are resting on me.  Fear, doubt, guilt from past failures, are all pressing into me.  I feel like I'm only minutes from going under and then I open my Bible and my devotionals and I start to read the words God places before me.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)

But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  (Isaiah 43:1-2)

I think something that really stands out to me in the Isaiah 43:1-2 passage is the "when you pass through waters""when you pass through rivers""when you walk through fire."  That clearly states that we will experience these trials, they will not be kept from us, but we will not battle them alone.  I love that, it gives me courage and hope.  The trials of life are set out to make us stronger and God doesn't send us to deal with them on our own, He stays with us through them.  Praise God, He is our deliverer!

No matter what lies the enemy is trying to burden me with I know the voice of my Shepard and I trust in Him.  He will not leave me or forsake me.  He loves me enough that he died for me knowing that I would sin and fail and stumble and fall.  So I will keep getting back up and I will keep following him.  I am not perfect, actually far from it, but I am forgiven.  I have been redeemed, bought and paid for and I am proud to be a servant of God.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

Bondage

Bondage, it comes in all shapes and sizes and can completely derail your life.  I realized only a few weeks ago that I have carried some bondage since my teen years that I never thought to ask God to help me with.

See I have an eating disorder, not the kind that most people think of, I'm not anorexic and I'm not bulimic but I am a binger.  When life gets rough I eat, when life gets boring I eat, when life gets sad I eat, you get the point.  Its not all of the time, but when a binge hits its so devastating to me.  I literally can't stop myself from it, it takes over and I can find myself consuming 2-4000 calories in mere hours.  I work out a lot and that helps me from getting fat, but honestly I can gain a pound a day when on a really bad binge.  I guess I have never said all of this out loud because it was always something I accepted as just being "me."  I never put two and two together to see that the enemy had me on this one, that this was a weapon formed against me, and yet I know that nothing formed against me shall stand.

Isaiah 54:17
"no weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD

For my entire life I have silently battled this on my own.  Its funny the things that we are ashamed of.  I have no problem admitting that my life was out of control and that my sins were unrestrained before God turned my life around and took me to India but I have hidden this from everyone, including myself, until just recently mostly because I didn't see it for what it was.  I have been praying for God to reveal all things that need to be changed in me and the moment I saw that my glutton behavior was not just destructive but it was sinful I immediately asked God for help.

In this God revealed to me that I needed to not just let go of the recent past, but to let go and move forward from all hurtful events of my life.  He showed me that my not facing the wounds of my past had allowed the enemy to continue to hold me captive in destruction.  At that very moment I let go and gave it all to him, decided to no longer let any of my past affect my future I was released.  When I start to feel the binge creep in I start to pray and if I am still feeling weak I ask Ryan to pray with me.  I know that it will be something that I may have to give to God over and over, but at this point I feel completely delivered.  To be honest now I have to remind myself to eat, I know that seems funny but its true, I literally have very little desire for food, and eat not for enjoyment but for the purpose of eating.

I have really been trying to restructure my day to better serve God.  Instead of trying to find time for Him, I am getting up earlier and giving him the first of my morning.  It is enjoyable to start my day with him.  Even on a day like today where everything seems to be going wrong I am not longing for food but turning to Him to cover the details of our needs.  Praise God, I have again been set free, the enemy can't hold me captive in this bondage anymore!  I pray now that God will begin to change the residual anger and hardness that I seem to show when I am worried, I know that He can change me in every way until I am who He designed me to be!