Set My Heart on Fire

This week as I fast and spend extra time in study and in prayer I’m trying very hard to be sensitive to that still small voice that guides my way.  I’m trying to allow Him to speak to me and show me not only what He has planned for me, but what He is trying to change in me.  I know my biggest struggle right now is fear and doubt, and so clearly He is trying to increase my faith if I will just let him.  I know what that means, it means there are trials ahead because there is no other way for my faith to be increased other than for it to be tested.  I’m praying for complete surrender.

The other day I was walking along the beach talking to God as I went about trying to find a shell for EM’s hermit crab Tigger, and I was struck by the peace and beauty surrounding me.  I realized something profound had changed in me, that I desire to be In His presence, In His grace, surrounded by His purpose now so much more than I ever did.  I pondered what my fears are, what keeps me from diving headfirst into the unknown without fear.  True, we came to Fiji on faith, but I will admit that I kicked and screamed along the way, it was not the graceful transition it should have been.  I realized that I don’t know what my fears are, why I panic when things get rough, why I cant just turn my eyes straight to Him when it gets overwhelming, why I still hold onto the illusion that I have some power over the universe.  I do know one thing, and it became very clear to me as I walked and talked.  I no longer fear death, and that should be the game changer.  Death is not scary for me, I know that it may happen before I want it to, or it may be painful or peaceful but I don’t fear it anymore.  I know that when I leave this place I will be heading to eternity to be with my God and Savior, and that is not scary.  The only death I do still fear is the death of a friend or loved one who is not saved, the thought of them not spending eternity in Heaven can literally stop my heart in my chest.  It is the reason I have to say these things, because I don't want anyone left behind, but it is our individual choice so all I can do is continue to pray for those who continue to reject Him.

As I walked along the beach I searched for what I truly want right now, and when it came to my heart I wrote it in the sand as my prayer.  “start a fire in me.”  Set me a blaze God, don't let me burn out!  Give me boldness to say what people don't want to hear, to speak life and love with all that I am.  I have never been much of an evangelist, I'm too introverted for that but I see God asking me to step up and step out and honestly the stakes are high, we are talking about life an death literally.  I want God to show me how to reach the lost, how to live my life in a way that makes people see that God is at work.  He took me out of the mess I had made of my life and set me back on His path and I have never been the same since.  My marriage had a fresh start, our miracle daughter was born, and He is laying ministries on our hearts.  There is no turning back.  I saw how much God loves me, he could have just left me in my spiral to self destruction, but he knew I had to hit a certain low before he could get my attention so he let me fall, and then he caught me!  There is no past too dark, no sin too bad, there is nothing that God wont forgive if you confess it to him and let him heal you!  I know what it is to be pulled from the path of destruction, to be thrown a life line.  I will tell you that God didn't force me, he simply told me to choose, that I was at a crossroad in my life, one path would lead to complete destruction of my life and one lead to healing and redemption.  The path of destruction was easy, like going downhill, but the path of redemption required work and commitment to letting Him have his way in me.  Praise God I chose his path, my life has never been the same!  He wants that for everyone, he is offering that to us all!  

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Notice how it says FROM ALL unrighteousness, God doesn't pick and choose what to forgive us for, he just requires we come to Him repentant and ask for His forgiveness and He forgives us!  That's amazing, if only we were that forgiving to each other, which by the way we are supposed to be!  I am so thankful that we have a God who loves us and cares for us and sent His Son to redeem us!  

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.  And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die.  Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

“Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 10:32)