My SIM Test

Last night a friend tagged me on someones blog link and I tell you what she could not have tagged me in a more perfect post at a more perfect time.  I think that this was God reminding me that things of this world are not worth holding onto, because he knew this week was going to be a hard one for me as we close on our home.

I'll admit that this move has not been real to me until now. Tomorrow our beautiful home, the home we made our own with blood, sweat, and tears will no longer be ours. I will never again watch Ella Mae run down the path to her Grandparents or watch her explore with Tobias and Deogie in our huge yard. I won't be able to see wildlife out of my bedroom window or take a quiet moment on our deck listening to the wind moving through the pine trees. I think I am finally starting to grieve the life we left behind, and for that I praise God! I cannot fully appreciate where God has sent me until I let go of where I have been.

I know that God is working on faith with me in this season of my life, and I am no stranger to how He increases faith, for me it's always by trials.  Today as I crashed and burned on the latest trial, I realized that for me faith tests are much like Ryan's SIM sessions.  The only difference is that when I fail God gives me another chance, and one after that, and so on.  In the SIM the pilot knows the "trial" is coming.  How and when the trial will come about they are not sure of, and that is my life.  I know that because we are selling our house that there will be trials surrounding it until the very end, I know that they will come I just don't know how or when they will happen.  When it happens I am supposed to turn my eyes to God and ask Him for guidance and help, instead 90% of the time I revert to my old response and panic, and become totally irrational.  Ryan, my SIM partner attempts to redirect me and help me calm down but most of the time I just can't release it and I end up plummeting into utter failure until finally I submit, the problem is resolved, and we move on to the next attempt.  I am learning to turn my eyes back to God much more quickly than I used to, but I want so bad for that to be my first response and spare the unnecessary drama that solves nothing anyways.  Today a very important document for our closing got misplaced and no amount of me freaking out was going to help the situation, but I did freak out and lashed out at those I love the most.  Finally I prayed and wouldn't you know it, the paper was found.  Why can't I pass these tests, especially the ones that I know are coming!  Lord, help me to run to you in every trial, I can not do it without you!

"Why are you frightened?" he asked.  "Why are your hearts filled with doubt?" (Luke 24:38)

Good question, why am I frightened?  If I know that God brought us here for a purpose and I know that we have submitted to His will and direction then what do I have to fear?  If things fall apart maybe it happens so God can put them back together the way that He needs it to be.  Sometimes hard things need to happen for His purpose to be revealed and many times we never know exactly why we go through what we go through but honestly who are we to question.  He is the Creator of all things, He is the beginning and the end, who am I to question.  I don't want to know all things and I certainly trust God or we wouldn't be in Fiji right now, so why when the storm hits do I revert to panic.

I do know one thing, that my response to Gods affects more than just me.  I love the quote from the book "Called and Accountable" by Henry Blackaby and Norman Blackaby:

"The eternal destiny of others may rest in our response to God's invitation and call.  He will also hold us accountable for our response to His invitation."

I am here to serve God, to be His hands and feet here on earth and I don't want to deny Him to opportunity to reach someone who is lost through me, honestly I don't have the right to say no I AM HIS. He has promised to walk with me, but I must be obedient to Him.

Matthew 28:18-20

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."