Fiji Time

This is not a vacation, this is real life.  Sometimes that sneaks up on me, its hard to get my mind to wrap around the fact that home is not the US anymore, home is Fiji.  Just like all people who live in places such as this, my day to day is not spent lounging on a white sand beach (I wish).  We try to go to the beach at least once a month to be reminded how breathtaking this place is.

Grocery shopping has its challenges and there are simply things that I can't get here no matter how bad I want them.  Yesterday while in the store I overheard an Australian couple discussing laundry detergent, she was trying to remember what brand a friend had told her was "life changing."  There you have it folks, that is it in a nutshell!  Fiji is awesome and I'm happy for the chance to call this home.  It is a far cry from being the first world country that I was born and raised in, and that is why we may never leave!  If laundry detergent can be life changing that paints a really clear picture of how simple life is here.

We don't have cable, netflix, or hulu.  We really only turn the TV on for very short periods of time.  In the US, honestly, EM spent a good part of her day camped in front of the TV.  Here she runs outside and plays, and plays, and plays.  At school they pray together, sing bible songs, and her teacher sends me a notebook home every day telling me about things that are going on with EM, good and bad. Being able to send her to such a small private school with so much personal attention is such a blessing. Many businesses are closed on Sundays so that people can go to church and spend time with their families.  Nothing happens fast here, this place works on Fiji time, which can be very frustrating and totally relaxing at the same time.  I've noticed that beauty here fits all molds.  Big or small, women are beautiful.  Its hard to put aside 35 years of being told by society what is beautiful, but here I can put on a bathing suit and not feel at all uncomfortable because no one cares about my thick thighs, my average weight, none of it matters.  In Fiji I've noticed that a smile goes a long way, and if you are friendly you will be treated right.  The Fijian people are some of the friendliest and most helpful people I have ever met!

There is one fast food restaurant within driving distance, a McDonalds, that is it.  There are amazing sit down restaurants but fast food of just isn't happening here.  At first I was bothered by that and now I am thankful for it.  Everything here takes time and it is nice to spend time sitting and eating with friends and family.  Its funny, it really makes sense why there are not fast food restaurants, people just aren't in a hurry here.  Our lives are lived on one main road that covers maybe 15 miles between Nadi Town and the village we live in.  There is nothing pressing to do and no reason to hurry to do it.  So life goes by and you get a chance to just enjoy it.  The sunsets are
spectacular, and if I could I would drive the 5 minutes to the beach to watch every last one of them!

I am thankful for the chance to be here to learn this valuable lesson, slow down, and live life.  Don't be in such a hurry to get to where you are going that you miss the journey along the way.  I know that God has big plans for my family, and why I am waiting for His direction I'm going to sit back and enjoy the splendor that is before me!  Thank you God for blessing us so richly!

Set My Heart on Fire

This week as I fast and spend extra time in study and in prayer I’m trying very hard to be sensitive to that still small voice that guides my way.  I’m trying to allow Him to speak to me and show me not only what He has planned for me, but what He is trying to change in me.  I know my biggest struggle right now is fear and doubt, and so clearly He is trying to increase my faith if I will just let him.  I know what that means, it means there are trials ahead because there is no other way for my faith to be increased other than for it to be tested.  I’m praying for complete surrender.

The other day I was walking along the beach talking to God as I went about trying to find a shell for EM’s hermit crab Tigger, and I was struck by the peace and beauty surrounding me.  I realized something profound had changed in me, that I desire to be In His presence, In His grace, surrounded by His purpose now so much more than I ever did.  I pondered what my fears are, what keeps me from diving headfirst into the unknown without fear.  True, we came to Fiji on faith, but I will admit that I kicked and screamed along the way, it was not the graceful transition it should have been.  I realized that I don’t know what my fears are, why I panic when things get rough, why I cant just turn my eyes straight to Him when it gets overwhelming, why I still hold onto the illusion that I have some power over the universe.  I do know one thing, and it became very clear to me as I walked and talked.  I no longer fear death, and that should be the game changer.  Death is not scary for me, I know that it may happen before I want it to, or it may be painful or peaceful but I don’t fear it anymore.  I know that when I leave this place I will be heading to eternity to be with my God and Savior, and that is not scary.  The only death I do still fear is the death of a friend or loved one who is not saved, the thought of them not spending eternity in Heaven can literally stop my heart in my chest.  It is the reason I have to say these things, because I don't want anyone left behind, but it is our individual choice so all I can do is continue to pray for those who continue to reject Him.

As I walked along the beach I searched for what I truly want right now, and when it came to my heart I wrote it in the sand as my prayer.  “start a fire in me.”  Set me a blaze God, don't let me burn out!  Give me boldness to say what people don't want to hear, to speak life and love with all that I am.  I have never been much of an evangelist, I'm too introverted for that but I see God asking me to step up and step out and honestly the stakes are high, we are talking about life an death literally.  I want God to show me how to reach the lost, how to live my life in a way that makes people see that God is at work.  He took me out of the mess I had made of my life and set me back on His path and I have never been the same since.  My marriage had a fresh start, our miracle daughter was born, and He is laying ministries on our hearts.  There is no turning back.  I saw how much God loves me, he could have just left me in my spiral to self destruction, but he knew I had to hit a certain low before he could get my attention so he let me fall, and then he caught me!  There is no past too dark, no sin too bad, there is nothing that God wont forgive if you confess it to him and let him heal you!  I know what it is to be pulled from the path of destruction, to be thrown a life line.  I will tell you that God didn't force me, he simply told me to choose, that I was at a crossroad in my life, one path would lead to complete destruction of my life and one lead to healing and redemption.  The path of destruction was easy, like going downhill, but the path of redemption required work and commitment to letting Him have his way in me.  Praise God I chose his path, my life has never been the same!  He wants that for everyone, he is offering that to us all!  

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Notice how it says FROM ALL unrighteousness, God doesn't pick and choose what to forgive us for, he just requires we come to Him repentant and ask for His forgiveness and He forgives us!  That's amazing, if only we were that forgiving to each other, which by the way we are supposed to be!  I am so thankful that we have a God who loves us and cares for us and sent His Son to redeem us!  

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.  And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die.  Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

“Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 10:32)

My SIM Test

Last night a friend tagged me on someones blog link and I tell you what she could not have tagged me in a more perfect post at a more perfect time.  I think that this was God reminding me that things of this world are not worth holding onto, because he knew this week was going to be a hard one for me as we close on our home.

I'll admit that this move has not been real to me until now. Tomorrow our beautiful home, the home we made our own with blood, sweat, and tears will no longer be ours. I will never again watch Ella Mae run down the path to her Grandparents or watch her explore with Tobias and Deogie in our huge yard. I won't be able to see wildlife out of my bedroom window or take a quiet moment on our deck listening to the wind moving through the pine trees. I think I am finally starting to grieve the life we left behind, and for that I praise God! I cannot fully appreciate where God has sent me until I let go of where I have been.

I know that God is working on faith with me in this season of my life, and I am no stranger to how He increases faith, for me it's always by trials.  Today as I crashed and burned on the latest trial, I realized that for me faith tests are much like Ryan's SIM sessions.  The only difference is that when I fail God gives me another chance, and one after that, and so on.  In the SIM the pilot knows the "trial" is coming.  How and when the trial will come about they are not sure of, and that is my life.  I know that because we are selling our house that there will be trials surrounding it until the very end, I know that they will come I just don't know how or when they will happen.  When it happens I am supposed to turn my eyes to God and ask Him for guidance and help, instead 90% of the time I revert to my old response and panic, and become totally irrational.  Ryan, my SIM partner attempts to redirect me and help me calm down but most of the time I just can't release it and I end up plummeting into utter failure until finally I submit, the problem is resolved, and we move on to the next attempt.  I am learning to turn my eyes back to God much more quickly than I used to, but I want so bad for that to be my first response and spare the unnecessary drama that solves nothing anyways.  Today a very important document for our closing got misplaced and no amount of me freaking out was going to help the situation, but I did freak out and lashed out at those I love the most.  Finally I prayed and wouldn't you know it, the paper was found.  Why can't I pass these tests, especially the ones that I know are coming!  Lord, help me to run to you in every trial, I can not do it without you!

"Why are you frightened?" he asked.  "Why are your hearts filled with doubt?" (Luke 24:38)

Good question, why am I frightened?  If I know that God brought us here for a purpose and I know that we have submitted to His will and direction then what do I have to fear?  If things fall apart maybe it happens so God can put them back together the way that He needs it to be.  Sometimes hard things need to happen for His purpose to be revealed and many times we never know exactly why we go through what we go through but honestly who are we to question.  He is the Creator of all things, He is the beginning and the end, who am I to question.  I don't want to know all things and I certainly trust God or we wouldn't be in Fiji right now, so why when the storm hits do I revert to panic.

I do know one thing, that my response to Gods affects more than just me.  I love the quote from the book "Called and Accountable" by Henry Blackaby and Norman Blackaby:

"The eternal destiny of others may rest in our response to God's invitation and call.  He will also hold us accountable for our response to His invitation."

I am here to serve God, to be His hands and feet here on earth and I don't want to deny Him to opportunity to reach someone who is lost through me, honestly I don't have the right to say no I AM HIS. He has promised to walk with me, but I must be obedient to Him.

Matthew 28:18-20

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Praying for My Enemy

I'm sad today.  I'm sad because of so much hate in this world, the kind of hate that people turn their backs on.  The kind of evil that we don't like to look at because looking at it makes it real and we don't want it to be real.  The kind of hate that causes my stomach to turn while children are being beheaded by monsters and it seems like no one is doing anything real about it.  I want to scream and pray for horrible things to happen to these men shrouded in darkness, but the more I think on it the more I know that evil cannot conquer evil.  Hate will never eradicate hate.  What I will do is pray for these men to be brought into the light.  For them to turn from their wicked ways of terrorism and come to repentance in Christ Jesus.  I will pray for them to come face to face with God and to finally see the truth and the love that is meant for all man kind.  I will pray for their salvation because as a follower of Christ that is what I am called to do.  For those terrorists who ultimately reject God, they will face His wrath and I know that God will deal harshly with them.  They are killing His people and it won't be tolerated.  They also must know by now that those Christians they have martyred are celebrating in Heaven right now.  They did not destroy them, they did not conquer them, they lost and will continue to lose because they are chasing Gods people and God has already won this battle.

Deuteronomy 32:35
It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them."

I am a Christian and I will not sit back and do nothing while my brothers and sisters around the world are being hunted.  I will do the only thing I can right now and that is to pray and to continue to post about what these terrorists are doing.  I will not stop posting, I will not stop praying, I will not sit silently because it upsets someones perception of the world.  The truth is that morality has left so many aspects of our lives and our self absorption keeps us from wanting to look at things like this head on.  Lets face it, its dirty, its messy, its scary, and it makes it hard to be excited about regular things.  Good, I hope that we get uncomfortable and then I hope we fall to our knees and beg God back into our Countries, into our Governments, into our families, into our lives.  Sure, most people don't want to hear that, but I am saying it because it needs to be said!

2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.


This is the time for boldness, this is the time for action, this is the time to stand against the political correctness and declare truth and light and not care who it offends because I love the world enough to care about the people in it.  For me to sit silent would be the opposite.

I have had the privilege of having my eyes opened.  God has allowed me to live in some hard parts of the world, to experience life outside the veiled view of a first world country.  To see things that I otherwise would have not even bothered with.  I am thankful to have had my eyes opened and I will never allow them to be shut again.  We can sit in our own little fantasy and pretend like things aren't happening but they are.  This world is being flooded by evil and that is because we have invited it.  We no longer speak up for morality, we no longer have boundaries, we no longer know right from wrong and we live in a world of dangerous grey.  The world is not grey, it is black and white, there is right and wrong and covering your eyes and shutting your ears does not change that for one second.

I listened to an awesome debate yesterday and Frank Turek's responses really stuck with me as he debated an atheist student, I will paraphrase.

"Love must be freely given, if we reject Him He gives us up to our own desires.  God will not force you into His eternal presence, He loves us too much for that.  There are only 2 possibilities if God exists, in eternity you're going to be with him or you're not going to be with Him.  Hell is the complete absence of God, a quarantine of evil.  It is a choice and it is up to each and every one of us to decide.  Do we want to spend eternity with God, surrounded by His love and peace, or do we want to spend it with a complete absence of God.  He loves us enough to give us free will, it is ultimately our choice." (this is my paraphrase of Frank Turek's debate, it is a mixture of his direct quotes and my personal thoughts)

We live in a world that clearly is seeing the result of men living by their own desires and not being held to any standard of morality.  These are some trying times, some very hard times and as a Christian I can only look to God for guidance in my roll to play.  I can pray for peace, but as long as we are allowed to be human and live by free will there will never be peace because there will always be evil in an unrestrained world.  We received the free will that we desire but it comes at a great cost.

Tomorrow I will begin fasting and praying not only for those fleeing for their lives in Iraq but for the entire human race.  We need God now more than ever and I will serve Him in any way that He calls me to serve.

John 15:19
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to the world.  That is why the world hates you.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:9
Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

**bold emphasis on scripture has been added by me**