In the world but not of it

There is a fine line between being in the world but not being of it.  It is a line that I am conscience of daily.  I find my struggle with this no longer comes from the desire to be "of the world" as I no longer do, but my struggle comes from the internal heartache I feel as I watch the world around me.  Today I felt it as I was reading about the Grammy's and what society finds entertaining, it left me sick to my stomach.  I felt it as I read a recap on the State of the Union address that left me less than surprised but sad none the less.  I felt it as I perused FaceBook and and news apps and finally enough was enough, I wanted to crawl back in bed and pretend I was anywhere but here, even considered begging my husband to find another overseas job just so I could find distance, not that the rest of the world is in a much better state.  I reached out to my friend, who I believe God put in my life so that we could help each other stay strong in these very spiritual battle zones.  She responded exactly as I needed to hear which I know in my heart was God's provision.

In the darkness that seemed to surround me she reminded me that we are the light in this world.  God calls us to be the light for Him.  He is in control and he never promises it will be easy.  We are the light, and in a time when morality seems to be upside-down its hard to be the light and that is why he calls us to stand tall and firm in Him.

I have given them your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. (John 17:14 NKJV)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9 NKJV)

As I sit here typing I won't say that they weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, some stronghold areas have been revealed, places where the devil is trying to discourage me have been brought to light and I am renewed in desire to push forward.  I know that living in this day and age I will find myself on the "wrong side of the worlds beliefs" most all of the time, but that is OK.  As long as I am on the right side of God I will not let the world change my mind.  I know what is right and I also know that I live in a world where God has been rejected more than embraced and I want to see that change, I want the lost to find their way into His arms.  I want the world to run to God because I know that there is amazing peace in the truth.  He can set us free from any bondage and forgives all sin.  I am far from perfect, in fact I have stated many times that there are very few sins that I have not engaged in to some degree.  I fall short daily and only by the grace of God and the shed blood of Jesus am I forgiven.  There is nothing I can do to make myself right in the eyes of God, Jesus paid the price and all I am required to do is accept this gift.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance:  Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. (1Timothy 1:15-16 NIV)

My life belongs to him and he has called me to serve him completely.  I will continue to speak the truth, I will continue to pray for the lost and broken.  I will continue to fight for the unborn so that the their lives as well as their parents lives will be spared from the pain and scars of death.  I will speak up for the least of these, I will do what I have been called to do because my days are numbered and I spent 30 years of them serving myself, I intend to spend the rest of them serving God in every area he calls me to serve.

"You are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify you Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16 NKJV)

The Roller Coaster

My days are often roller coaster from start to finish.  As I try to be obedient to what God has called me to I am met with so much much enemy resistance some days that all I want to do is cry.  Then God uplifts me in some amazing way and I am back on top.  I understand the battle I am in and I am not growing weary, but some days I wish it could be all up!

Today God blessed my family in a huge way, He provided where we needed provision and he gave me motivation for my tasks at hand.  It was also a hard day because fear, doubt, and frustration tried to barge in.  I am fairly familiar with their deception so I am for the most part able to hold them off, but sometimes that takes a lot of energy and leaves me where I am right now, tired.

God is so amazing and I fully understand the purpose of tests, I understand the trials and I appreciate them in a way for what they leave me with when the trial has ended.  A deeper understanding, a deepening of my faith, a resolve to keep on coarse.  I want to be the woman of God I know I can be and I know that I have much refining that needs to be done.  I accept that and I welcome the Holy Spirit to be at work in me always.

This week was a powerful week for the pro-life movement with so many walks for life going on all over the country.  I feel encouraged that hearts are being changed and lives are being saved.  My passion for life is not just for the unborn but for every single life.  I get discouraged when people accuse people who are pro-life of only caring for the unborn.  Not so, I give my time, my money, and my heart for people born and unborn.  It is a passion that is only growing daily as God works with me on the direction he has for me.  I love being a LIFE Runner and it is a blessing to lead my local chapter. I have so much yet to learn about serving people for God, and I welcome the learning!

Today Ryan returns back to work and there is always a bit of an empty feeling after he has been home for a week.  During that time I get off of my routine and the house turns into a good form of chaos.  When he leaves for that first night I have to shift back into my old routine.  Its kind of like having two lifestyles, the carefree family time, the lack of schedule or housework, Daddy taking over the night time routine with Ella Mae, all very great things.  When he leaves its back to the old routine which is good but not nearly as fun as when he is home.  So I suppose part of today's roller coaster has to do with him being gone after having such an emotionally charged week behind us.

Tonight after I started the massive cleaning project and fed Ella Mae I updated my prayer journal and gave attention to things I often neglect the week Ryan is home.  I know that by tomorrow I will be fully back into my routine.  I look forward to my quiet time before bed with God, something that is not quite the same when Ryan is home.  God is so amazingly good, I just can't even say that enough.  Without the lows of life how could we fully appreciate the highs!  I don't mind my roller coaster one bit because I know in my heart it equals growth and if the enemy is trying to push me away it only makes me push harder forward.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6 NIV)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19 NIV)

Worlds apart

I think one of the biggest transitions of coming back to the US from India was the financial transition.  While in India money was not a concern.  We had an abundance and we were able to enjoy family vacations and give our tithe to a brand new church to help them get their feet on the ground.  We lived a rather simple life in India and didn't feel the need to buy things.  We made more money than we needed and were able to save up to buy and remodel our house back in the US.  It was a time of plenty and we felt blessed.

About 6 months before God brought us back home he gave me a very clear vision.  One evening as I sat on the balcony of our India home I was praying and praising and God told me that he had brought us into a time of rest and plenty to give us our miracle child and to restore our broken marriage.  It was a time he had prepared for us to grow and to surrender to Him and now we were ready.  He told me that we were heading into a time of drought, that all we had to do was to trust him and he would provide.  That he had plans for us and that it wasn't going to be easy, but we needed to follow obediently.

The day God called us back to the US was amazing, it was like watching a miracle unfold as everything fell into place and suddenly we had one month to move our lives 8000 miles back home.  It was bittersweet and my heart was heavy but I appreciated that God had given me clear warning before it happened so we came home.  When we returned to the US we took over a 50% pay cut, making just barely enough money to survive as a single income family, and yet God reminded us to trust.  Since moving back I have been tempted repeatedly to return to the work force and every time God reminded us that his plan was for me to remain in the home, that he would provide.

I will tell you that when you are faithful to trust God to provide, and are obedient to his will, and you are faithful to tithe he will answer with provision.  I am not saying that you will get rich or that you will have more than you need, but he will provide!  I can not explain how we have made it this far other than to say that God has provided every step of the way.  We have virtually no debt outside of our home loan, and our savings account has been diminished, but we are making it.  Sometimes he has provided in direct ways and in other times of need he has brought amazing gifts from faithful people who helped us.

Looking back on the last 2 years I see that we struggled in the early transition and so we created some of our heartache.  We came home and felt we deserved to spend some of that hard earned money on "things" and so we did.  We spent and we spent and we spent like we were still making six figures.  Instead of coming home and continuing to live a simple life we were quickly swept up in the "buy" compulsion that drives this nation.  We felt that we needed things but we weren't listening to God and so he let us spend our savings down to nothing.  There are consequences to actions and our choice in consumerism over the simplicity that we had just spent the last 4 years living caused us great heartache.  Finally we are back to where we need to be, not at all concerned with fancy new cars, a TV for every room, or the latest new toy.  We have certain basic needs, food, shelter, and clothing on our backs.  Other than that we have really reevaluated how we should be living in this season.  I am thankful to God for his gentle chastisement and reminders that he wants what is best for us. What the world would have us think is best for us does not line up with his desire.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5 NIV)

Surrender

Today was an awesome day from start to finish, not awesome because of any one thing, but because I saw God work all day!

When I went to bed last night I was touched deeply by a verse in my devotional.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13-14 NIV)

I love this verse because it reminds me to live in the now, to not waste my time wallowing in the past or only dreaming of the future but to live in this very moment and wait on the Lord for His purpose and plan over my life.  There is nothing wrong with walking down memory lane, but I tend to get trapped there and of course planning for the future is great as long as you don't miss all that is going on in the present.  It was what I needed to read before I closed my eyes for the night and God knew that.

When I woke I was ready to go out and take my first 3 mile run since Thanksgiving.  I'll admit I have been nervous about this because the injury to my IT band has made running difficult.  I have given it rest, trained, and strengthened it and today was the day for me to put on my LIFE Runners "REMEMBER the Unborn Jer 1:5" gear and run with my faith in God to provide.  It was amazing, as I chose a busy street in my city to run those miles and I was listening to praise and worship talking to God along the way.  He carried me, he guided me, and he protected me.  I was able to run uphill and downhill with virtually no pain, I was also able to increase my pace which was incredible to me since I have not run in 2 months!  I realized that since I have surrendered my running to God and his purpose that He will take me where I need to go.  There may be times that He will ask me to slow down so I can be where I need to be when I need to be there, or to talk to someone along the way, and when it glorifies him for me to run He will carry me!  It was amazing!

I continued that amazing feeling through the day as we headed out.  I am almost always dressed in some form of LIFE Runners apparel and today was no different, what was different was that God was using me today in a big way.  I recruited new LIFE Runners everywhere I went, my Mom's doctors office, the grocery store, the ice rink.  Everywhere I turned someone wanted to know more about LIFE Runners.  God called me to this purpose, He will provide for me to serve Him and I am more than willing!

My morning prayer to God before I started my day was another piece of amazing scripture.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.  (Galatians 5:16-17 NIV)

The fact of the matter is that the world tells you to live as you please, to do what you want, and to put your desires ahead of all else.  I spent too much of my life believing this lie.  God calls us to die to our flesh, to turn away from fleshly desires, to pick up our cross and follow Him, and that is exactly what I intend to do for the remainder of my life.  I don't expect that I won't stumble and fall but I know that the Grace of God will lift me up and help me back on the path. I want to be his hands and feet, I want my life to reflect the love of Jesus.  I surrender completely to His will.

for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Philippians 2:13 NIV)

We run as a prayer...

I woke up this morning and my body began to shake as I wrote out the staggering numbers concerning the devastation abortion has brought on our Nation.  Today is the 41st anniversary of Roe v Wade and as thousands of Pro Life supporters converge in Washington DC for the annual March for Life I am in prayer over them.  I find it sad that very few news networks will give this amazing event much pause, that people will not see the thousands of people standing up for life, that only a few will know the amazing unity that will take place amongst them.

I watch as my friends and teammates post updates about their travel and the impending weather and I feel in the depth of me a tingle as I see how spiritual this whole event is.

3 months ago a large group of LIFE Runners made the journey to South Dakota to run as a team in the Run Crazy Horse marathon.  We were united in prayer and ready to stand boldly for the Unborn and the enemy attacked.  We were hit by Winter storm Atlas that caused chaos in the surrounding area.  Many LIFE Runners made it to the area only to be stuck in hotels for the duration of the weekend as feet of snow dropped and power was lost to much of the area for almost all of the weekend.  The damage was catastrophic to our region, and my daughter and I personally were stuck without power and heat for nearly a week.  The race was canceled but our spirits found renewal during this time of team fellowship and camaraderie, even I felt close to everyone while following them on social media.  It was clear that we would not race together, but in the next few weeks many of us found alternative races and ran boldly for the Unborn.

Now as these LIFE Runners and other Pro-Life groups march in DC they are met again with a winter weather, and all I know is that the enemy is scared and we are winning.  I find it to be no coincidence that again the weather tries to silence us, but we will not be silenced.  I can only lift my teammates up in prayer but there is power in prayer, amazing power! I know that the message won't be silenced, if anything maybe the weather will give them the media attention that this rally deserves.  There is one scripture that I offer up as a prayer for my fellow teammates for LIFE, the scripture that reminds us that we are not only fighting against the world but it is a spiritual battle that rages on and we have the enemy scared.

Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes. For our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Here are the facts:
In America, 23% of pregnancies end in abortion (that is nearly 1 in every 4).
35% of women have had an abortion.
4,000 children die every day from abortion (that's more dying every day than those lost on Sept 11)
Over 1 million babies are killed each year (a number that far out weighs the deaths of the holocaust in the 41 years since Roe v Wade)
64% of post abortion women say they were coerced and 84% felt they had no other choice.
Every successful abortion ends a human life...

Physically Fit to Spiritually Fit and Everything in Between

I find it interesting the things in this world we can worship, I never thought for a minute that fitness could be the thing that I would put before God.  Like most women, weight is a struggle for me.  Even now as I sit in a very healthy and fit weight class I am not satisfied, but let me go back to the beginning.

My journey with fitness began 3 years ago.  After I gave birth to Ella Mae I weighed about 180 lbs.  I am 5'9" so for me that is not excessively big, none the less I was overweight and truly bothered by it. I decided that it was time to change my life and so I did.  I began cooking healthy, counting calories and exercising 3-4 times a week.  The 3-4 times a week quickly turned to 6-7 days a week as I shed 20 lbs with ease.  I was excited to see the results and was proud of myself for coming down from a size 16 jeans to a size 10.  When we moved home I backslid a bit but in the first year back I made it down to 145 and finally fit a size 6, I was hooked.

Then the plateau hit, followed by some backsliding and I stabilized out between 150-145, but I wanted to be 140 desperately, and so my fitness addiction grew and I was now working out 6 days a week minimum for about 2 hours a day sometimes 2 times a day.  No matter what I did I could not get the scale to budge which only darkened my mood, I had come so far, lost over 30 lbs and here I couldn't lose the last 5!  I was running half marathons and riding my bike between 25-40 miles 3 times a week, I was strong, I was healthy but I could not meet the number.

It was shortly after my first marathon that I realized that my motivation had become obsession which then became my "worship."  My fitness and weight loss goal was far more important to me than most anything, but certainly more important than my desire for God.  It was a brutal wake up call for me, I was worshiping fitness and I would never find satisfaction no matter what goal I met, because my eyes were fixed on something temporal, not something eternal.  God brought me back to reality in the best way ever, he introduced me to redemptive running through an amazing ministry, LIFE Runners.

I realized in the moment that I joined LIFE Runners that God wanted me to use my ability to run and ride for him, He wanted my attention and I knew then and there it was time for me to submit and so I did.  I surrendered my fitness to Him.  Amazing things have happened as I serve Him in this ministry and only a few months ago I was asked to lead our local chapter. I will say that I now weigh between 150-155 and God has put me here for a reason.  Although I no longer run or ride for myself, but for Gods glory I was still hanging on to an arbitrary weight goal, keeping my worldly attachment to God's calling for me.  It can consume me and has the power to destroy me.  When the scale doesn't cooperate I lose my way and then end up giving in to my bingeful urges.  I let food control me, I let my weight determine my daily self esteem.

Only just recently have I realized how much I need to give this to God, that I need to let go of the worldly view I am putting on myself because it is toxic in my life.  My body is His temple and so it is important that I care for it, and I do.  I am healthy, I am fit, and I can do all things through Him.  When I worship a jean size so much that it dictates my life, when the number on the scale is so important that I can't function and eat myself into oblivion then there is a problem, it is my idolatry.

So here I sit, saying God I give it all back to you again.  I will no longer let the scale dictate my life, in fact the scale is going to have to be put away.  He called me to serve Him through the amazing ministry of being a LIFE Runner and I let the enemy side track me.  Well I can see clearly now.  Tomorrow I will again train my body, because I have a duty to fulfill as a LIFE Runner, but I will not do it with the hope that I will lose weight.  I will train my body so that I can run for His purpose.  I will train so that every footstep brings Him glory.  I will train because I run as a prayer to raise awareness for the Unborn.  I run to raise money for my local Crisis Pregnancy Center, Care Net.  I run because God has given me the ability in my body to serve Him in this ministry.  I will no longer try to be what society considers to be ideal because this body is temporary and my reward is in Heaven.

Today is the day I reaffirm my dedication to God to run and to cycle for His purpose and only His purpose.  I am a LIFE Runner and I am His hands and feet.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us


**LIFE Runners are the world's largest Pro-Life running/walking Team. We race together and witness for Life. LIFE Runners pray, fundraise, and run/walk as a Team until we Cross the finish line that ends abortion…All In Christ for Pro-Life! http://liferunners.org

The things you learn in children's books

Yesterday I tried with all of my might, but my number one problem is the tone in which I speak to my family when I am stressed.  One of my favorite songs is "Speak Life" by TobyMac, because this is the area I struggle in.  When I am tired, frustrated, or stressed my tone does not hide the fact even though I try really hard.

Throughout the day I kept hearing myself, but I could not break it.  I was praying to God to give me guidance and help me as I struggled through but I just couldn't seem to get it right.  I was however reminded by the Holy Spirit and my husband that I was not being very nice.

By the end of the day I felt done, I just wanted to go to bed.  I was reading Ella Mae her Bible and her  Veggie Tale devotionals and there it was.  God speaks, he seriously has been speaking to me every single day!  It was incredible.  Her devotional was about thinking before we speak, being careful not to say unkind things.  Here is was teaching my daughter about something I had struggled with all day.  I prayed that we would only speak life with our words and for God to help us.  I was humbled as I kissed her goodnight.

Matthew 12:34 (NIV)
For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

Out of the overflow of the the heart, what was my heart overflowing with yesterday, clearly not love or life.  I was overflowing with stress, worry, frustration, all things that I needed to give to God.  Again I chose to hold them and let them steal my day, my joy, my quiet.  Thank you God for never giving up on us!  Its amazing how many times we can fall into the same trap over and over and still not see it clearly.

When I read the Old Testament I often think of Israel and wonder how they could have continued to stray with all that God was doing for them and then I take a look at my own life.  Just found the plank in my own eye, thank you very much, sorry for mentioning your speck!  Humble, that is the word of the day.  I am humble and thankful that God loves me enough to keep showing me the things I need to change even though it seems to be the same thing over again!

Luke 6:45 (NLT)
A good person produces good deeds from a good heart, an evil person produces evil deeds from and evil heart.  Whatever is in your heart determines what you say.