Burning Cane Fields

I can't say enough about the amazing power of trial in life moulding me into the woman God desires me to be.  I have had my fair share of painful trials and loss, and I can honestly say that even though I am not sure the purpose of each one, I know that in the end they drew me closer to my Heavenly Father.

Today as I took my ride along the coast for LIFE Runners I was praying over the purpose that God has called me to.  I can feel it growing in my heart and I am waiting for all of the pieces to fall together.  Waiting, the lesson of patience that God has been working on in me for years!

Right now they are burning the cane fields, and as I rode along looking at the charred remains of a recently burned field it really struck me.  That cane field had produced its crop, it couldn't produce the crop any further than it had, so they burned it leaving nothing but charred ground.  Out of the ashes would come a field of rich nutrients that would be prepared to have a new crop planted and then grow into a harvest of sugar cane.  Out of the ashes new life would spring.  As I came upon another field that had probably been burned the week earlier I noticed that already there was lush green growth springing to life from the now fertile ground.

Wow.....

Sometimes God tries us by fire so that we will be fertile for the planting of new seed, to grow spiritually.  Fire hurts, it's not fun, it destroys what it is set to destroy and makes way for a fresh new sowing of seed, a brand new harvest.  I think that it is amazing to me that sometimes we get as far as we can in what we are doing and our spiritual growth can stall out, but then through trial God is able to refine us, to remove the "impurities" and make us ready to receive "new seed" that he plants in our hearts for future harvest.

This is me right now.  I was comfortable in the ministries that I was part of in America, I was also getting a little too comfortable in my daily life.  Truthfully I had hit a barrier in my growth and I was a bit stuck.  Now God has asked me to trust him in faith and to step out into something scary and painful.  I feel a bit out of place, lost in the waiting, but God is refining me by fire right now.  He has shown me bits and pieces of the seeds he is sowing in my life and I can imagine the harvest, although its still too far off to see clearly.  Its exciting to me to know that out of the ashes new life will spring, that I will grow and be even more of what he wants me to be because of this leap of faith.  New life will come from the death of my flesh, little by little I pray that God breaks the hold this world has on me and replaces it with only His purpose!  I pray that these trials will strengthen my faith and help me to wait patiently on the Lord.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Bula from Fiji

Its crazy to think that only 2 months ago we had no idea what was about to happen, that we were going to be blessed with this amazing opportunity that is Fiji.  Its been pure insanity and chaos since the moment we took the leap of faith and trusted God to iron out the details and pave our way.  Now here I sit at my computer in our first home in Fiji!  I will admit that the emotional part of this I have not yet faced, I’ve been busy enough to stuff those feelings away for now.  Life is beginning to find its rhythm and so I know I will have to come to terms with all of this sooner rather than later.

God is amazingly good, from the start of this he took care of everything.  Some things he tested our faith deeply on and others he took care of right away.  He found an amazing home for the dogs where they can roam and stay together and will be deeply loved.  He helped us sell all of our property and belongings to people who will appreciate them.  He got us safely from Rapid City to Los Angeles towing our cargo.  He made provision for time with family and friends.  He got us and our few belongings safely to Fiji with little trouble.  He gave us friends here to greet us and help us get established.  He has provided for everything!  Last week He took care of the last detail, we received and accepted an offer on our house and now in a few weeks we will not have the burden of a mortgage while we pioneer our way in Fiji.

Coming to Fiji is nothing like going to India.  I do think having spent four years in India did fully prepare our family for this journey but Fiji is its own amazing place.  There are some similarities because Fiji is heavily Indian populated, but it has its own flair.  Mostly I’ve noticed that Fiji is clean, not heavily populated, and the environment is relaxed.  In India it always felt like everyone was on top of each other, but here in Fiji the villages are spread out and not heavily populated.  Its very refreshing.  It does cause one problem, without a car Fiji is hard to do.  They do have a bus system and Ella Mae and I have ridden it a lot, but we still end up walking about 4 miles round trip to the bus stop.  A few days ago God took care of the car situation. As we started praying over it we found a great car that we will pay cash for instead of sinking into debt! Praise God!

We were able to experience the raw beauty of Fiji last Saturday by visiting Natandola Beach.  I have been to some very beautiful places in the world but I have to tell you that this beach quite possibly takes the cake!  It was nearly deserted, it seems the guests of the Intercontinental Hotel prefer the ocean side pool to the salty sea water.  We spent the entire day exploring, and sheltered in our really cool sports umbrella we brought with us.

This beach has beautiful white sand, it is a very clean beach teeming with life.  The water was crystal clear, a beautiful blue and sea foam to contrast the bright blue sky scattered with big fluffy clouds.  The beach is long and stretches far beyond what the eye can see as there is a sandbar that comes to the surface during low tide.  We were told by the woman who braided Ella Mae hair that the horses we saw out on the distant sandbar were being used to handling nets during low tide.  It was crazy, from the distance it looked like horses walking on the water.

Right in front of the beach was a huge reef that gets fully exposed during low tide and has amazing tide pools.  One area drops off steeply to a secluded part of the reef perfect for snorkeling and exploring.  Other tide pools were a great place for children to wade as they were covered with soft white sand and very shallow and warm.  My descriptions of this place give it no credit, its something only the eyes can truly appreciate. Even the photos fell short!

Right on the beach you can take horse rides or get a massage or have your hair braided and beaded.  Unlike other tourist beaches though I didn't feel overwhelmed by the locals who were trying to make a living, they were no pushy or overbearing, just friendly and helpful.

The drive to the beach was gorgeous, and I was happily surprised to see pine trees in the mix with all of the other tropical trees.  One area of the drive really reminded me of the Black Hills, I felt like it was God’s gift of a piece of home.  This Country has everything, and I can honestly say that I am excited to call this piece of beauty home.  I really do miss friends and family and of course my fur kids, but I can see that we will be happy here!

Last Sunday we tried out our first Christian Church in Fiji and it was a powerful time of praise and worship.  I felt like I had entered the throne room.  It was clear right away that this was going to be our church home for now.  Even Ella Mae went to Sunday school without tears and had fun.  I’m not used to being part of a small church and it was wonderful being greeted by individuals excited to meet us.  One thing that struck me was when we met the pastor he asked if we were missionaries, we said no and explained why we were in Fiji, but as I pondered his question the more I understood the answer was in fact yes.  Later as we spoke more I told him that what I had felt in my heart to say when he asked if we were missionaries was “Aren’t we all?” He smiled and said Praise God.  The truth is that as a Christian I am a disciple wherever I go, a missionary in life.  I may not be here as a missionary but my life is fully dedicated to God and His purpose and that makes me a missionary in everything I do.

We met a group of young adults who were here on internship to discover what God had planned for their lives, to learn to surrender all aspects of their future to him.  We spoke with them briefly at church and then headed to Denarau for lunch and as we sat down they came along and we decided to join them for lunch.  We were able to share our testimony of moving to Fiji, how we had done just what they were learning, to let God lead and be willing to follow no matter what!  We also quickly shared Ella Mae’s testimony.  I pray that our testimony will help some of them as they prepare to lay it all before our Father and trust him with their futures.  It was beautiful to see the way God set our paths to cross.  We have been invited to have dinner again with them on Wednesday and I cant wait to spend more time with them! 

This Sunday after church our friends invited us out in the boat and it was the greatest day!  We snorkeled on a reef out in the middle of the ocean surrounded by beautiful tiny sandbar islands!  The tide was high so there we not as many fish as they usually see (that's what they told us) but for my first open ocean reef trip I was in awe!  The fish were amazing, the colors were amazing!  We even witnessed two Cuttlefish who were flashing and changing colors.  The whole day was incredible followed by an outstanding sunset!  I was very excited because I conquered my open ocean fear and jumped right in.  I am happy I didn't let fear of the unknown stand in my way of the whole experience!

Every morning I take a ride in LIFE Runners gear to spend my time in prayer and praise spreading the LIFE message as a living billboard.  It has been a good time for me to check in with God and have fellowship with him.  Today as I rode I found the coast and marveled at His splendor, what amazing love He has for us to give us such a beautiful world to live in!

Yesterday Ella Mae started school, something I was not at all ready for but she was excited.  I spent the day counting down the hours and when I went to pick her up her first words were “can I go to school forever?” MY heart melted, she loved school and that is a huge blessing.  I love that she will have the opportunity to go to school in a Christian setting.  She is attending a Christian private school that will teach her with a Biblical background in everything.  Our family is centered around Christ and I believe that her education

should also be Christ centered!  Praise God he provided a school in our neighborhood that is just what we needed!

When we left America there was so much uncertainty, we left a stable job for an uncertain future.  We left knowing that we could not afford to keep our house and live on the pay in Fiji, but God told us to go.  We went on faith that all of these things would come together as God provided the way.  He has taken care of everything, and continues to care for us.  I don’t know yet what God will have me do while I am here, but seeing that he already had us witness to a small group I can see that he will use us in any way he can and I am excited to serve him fully and completely.

God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called!

When the desire for your life is to fulfill the call that God has placed on you there can only be success.  When we ask God for anything and our eyes are set on him then I believe what we ask for will be given because we will be asking for the desires he puts on our hearts.  Often people misquote these scriptures saying that anything you ask for from God will be given and that is simply not true.  I can’t ask God for a million dollars and expect him to give it to me.  However if the desire of my heart is to draw near to him, to serve him, to honor him, then my eyes are set on him and what I ask for will be given.  Our eyes are to be fixed on him, not things of this world.

Then he said to them, “Watch out!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” (Luke 12:15)

The desire of my heart is that this family will remain united in serving God wherever he sends us in any way he calls us, that Ella Mae will experience the world and see the deep need for Christ everywhere and that she will make him her cornerstone, and that we will have all that we need.  He is the great provider, healer, comforter, and He is my purpose.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. (1 John 5:14)

Diving into the great unknown

This morning I woke up with a million things already on my mind.  This has been typical for me since we found out about our move to Fiji.  I never stop and even when I sleep I have been dreaming of packing, moving, or taking care of some detail.  I'll admit it I'm exhausted.  I am a control freak, something God has been working on in me for quite some time.  I want to make all of this happen when and how I think it should happen and that is not the way it is going to be!  Some days I'm so busy trying to control the universe that I get nothing done but cause myself distress beyond measure.  We need to sell our home, and I know that God will get it sold, I also know that he will do it when the time is right.  I need to let it go, I need to trust him with this detail and since he has been taking care of the details from the first moment its surprising that I still try to hold on especially since there is no way for me to control it!

This is such a huge faith journey, sure we are moving to Fiji and from what people are telling me its on a lot of bucket lists.  It is exciting to be moving.  Its also heartbreaking to be leaving our dogs behind who are part of our family and trusting them to a new family.  This new family is great and I know that they will love them just as we have, but they are so deeply ours in my heart that letting them go is so much easier said than done.  Selling this house, the house we thought we would keep forever, the house we put everything we had into, the house we rebuilt with our own two hands.  Saying goodbye to friends one at a time and knowing that we may never see some of them again.  Family, I haven't even let the family part sink in.  Saying goodbye to our families, knowing that Ella Mae won't live next door to her Grammie and Papa anymore.  That rips my heart from my chest.  Knowing that I can't help my parents or see them whenever I want, that's unbearable.  I just said to Ryan that the reality of this has not sunk in yet, that we have been so busy I truly have not processed any of this yet.  When it does finally sink in its going to hurt in ways I've yet to experience.  This is it, we are finally saying that we will never live in SD again, that our lives are forever on this new path.  The path that we leave for God to decide, the path that he has planned for us.  We are giving ourselves completely over to his will and will go where he leads.  It is scary and exciting.

I'm so thankful for all of the amazing prayer warriors that are lifting us up daily, we need those prayers.  We need God to cover us and care for us and he will without a doubt.  Its not going to be easy all of the time, he never promised that it would be.  He did promise that he would not abandon us and that he won't lead us to where he won't cover us.  We go with the hope that we can serve him in even greater ways.  I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I go with a hopeful heart and willingness to dive into the great unknown where I know that his arms are waiting to catch us!

Hillsong United "Oceans" has always been a special song for me and one of my dear friends, and last night as I took the dogs to meet their new forever family it came on and I began to pray for my friend as I always have, but as I listened to this song that I have heard a million times I realized that this is now my song.  My favorite words in the whole song...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United "Oceans")

That is my prayer, Amen.

Fiji Bound

The way God works always amazes me.  From my point of view nothing makes much sense, the timing always seems to be off and the piece of picture I can see is blurry.  From Gods point of view He is weaving a tapestry and it is exactly how He wants my life to unfold.  I submit fully to Him, His will, His way.  I only want that in my life, and for my family.  I feel so blessed that God gave me a man of Faith who also only wants Gods will.

Six months ago we started talking about another potential job overseas, but both Ryan and myself felt God telling us no, to wait on him.  So we put it to the back burner and every time it came up we would pray on it and the same answer returned.  Fast forward 6 months and after some seriously deep spiritual house cleaning God broke some bondage, brought some sin to the surface, and Ryan and I both felt like God had accomplished what had been holding us back.  Ryan and I both felt released to pursue the job and so we took the leap of faith and put in the application.  The process has been a faith journey all the way, but we both felt firmly that God wanted us to go forward and to trust him.

Every time we tried to take up control of the situation we failed but every time we released it to God he took care of everything.  Before we were hired he had found an amazing home for our dogs, he had helped us sell many of our belongings, and he still continues to work out the details.  Now that we are officially hired we have less than 3 weeks to sell everything including our home, pack up what little we will be taking and get to California so we can fly to our new home in Fiji.

I don't know what God has planned for us there, but I know that God will use us how he desires because that is what we want.  I am excited for Ryan as I know that the flying for him will be exciting and I am excited for Ella Mae as she will be reunited with her best friend Kira.  I am excited for me because I grew so much in India, so much coming back home, and I know that this will be a time of spiritual growth again.

I am so thankful that God is providing us with this opportunity, I feel so blessed that He is calling us out into the world.  I am sad to leave behind family and friends, but I also know that this is not goodbye!  Praise God for the big picture that we only see a glimpse of, I can't wait to see where he takes our family from here.  I pray that this journey may be another chance for us to add a family member, that God will send us a child who needs a home.  Whatever God has planned I know that he will lead the way.  There is something really liberating about being free of most of our worldly possessions and setting out with nothing more than our faith and family.

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

So He said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." Luke 18:29-30

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

Running Uphill

Easter Sunday was the end of my fast and so I woke up early, spent time in prayer and then decided to take a run before my family got up.  Running and cycling is my time alone with God.  That is my one on one time with Him without distraction. As much as I don't really enjoy running I love the time it gives me alone with Him in prayer and praise.  God definitely uses my running and cycling as a time to minister to me.

I live on a 1.2 mile circle and it is perfect for training because it has plenty of gentle ups and downs, but when you leave my driveway the first part is the hill.  I normally run in the direction that lets me run down the hill because its long and its hard and I really don't like running uphill!  As I stopped at the end of my driveway I felt the urge to go the opposite way, to turn right and run up the hill.  I didn't entertain the idea because that meant I would run up that hill 3 times and that seemed like a lot of work.  I had not run this week so I turned left and headed on my run.

At about the second mile my knee started to get tender which is always very frustrating for me because physically my heart and lungs can take on just about anything I ask them to but when my knee starts to hurt and then lock up no amount of will power can push me forward.  I was at the bottom of the hill and I was praying and I felt God say, turn around, run the other way.  Again I said "no thanks God, that is going to be way too hard, I'm nearing the end and I'm tired."  I kept running and was in the last half mile again going down the hill my knee screaming and God said a bit louder, "TURN AROUND!"  He didn't say stop, He didn't say give up, He said turn around and run up hill!  I stopped, turned around, and ran up that hill.

The instant I began running up the hill the pain began to diminish.  Yes, it was harder for the rest of my body, my lungs and heart had to work harder but my knee didn't hurt nearly at all.  I was able to finish running my 3 miles all because I listened to God and took the hard path.  God knew all along that if I listened to Him and ran up that hill that not only would it not hurt my knee but it would make me stronger!

There is so much to see in this illustration and it was a perfect message for some decisions that we as a family are trying to make right now about our future and where God wants us.  Its so easy to turn and take the "easy" road, its not scary it looks simple and for the start it can be simple.  Then over time that easy road begins to cause you pain, you are not going the way God wants you to go and He wants you to go a certain way for a reason.  The easy path could be calling it quits in the 11th hour even when God is asking you to hang on, or quitting a job just before the fruits of your labor begin to show.  The easy path could be doing nothing when you see someone on the path of destruction because "its not really your problem" or not reaching out a hand to help someone because you are too busy.  The easy path could be remaining silent while innocent children are killed in the womb and lives are destroyed by abortion because you are too scared to face opposition.  The easy path could be direct disobedience to something that God has laid on your heart, that you choose to defy and continue to make sinful choices.  The easy path more often than not leads to pain and injury.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but when you choose the easy path, the path contrary to the one God has asked you to follow there is no blessing to be had, and God wants to bless us all.  Easy often seems safe and comfortable, but its also a place of lost dreams and broken futures.  He calls us to trust in Him in trials and to lean on Him when we just don't understand.  He will never leave us or forsake us, He loves us too much to do that.

Making the choice to take the hard road, the scary road, is huge.  Its one giant leap into the unknown much of the time, but don't you know that He will be there to catch you.  Often if we are honest with ourselves the pain, the hurt the struggles, most of the time stem from taking the easy path, the flesh path, the path of sin and destruction.  I know, I've chosen that path far more times than I can count.  It led to pain and regret.  But when I finally gave up all my "fight" and trusted God and turned onto His path I was filled with Victory and Hope.  We face trials in life, all of us do, but these trials are meant to refine us, to grow us, to teach us and make us stronger.  Often after you come to the end of a trial you can see just how much it changed you, many times all of the pieces fall into place and we get a glimpse of what God was trying to accomplish with our faithfulness.

Romans 5:3-5
And not only that , but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

The path is in front of you, which way will you turn today....

Grace Filled Easter

This has been a powerful week, well powerful actually doesn't even scratch the surface, but for lack of a better word we will go with powerful.  I have been online so much for the last 40 days with posting pictures and updates for LIFE Runners and the A-Cross America Relay that on Sunday, the final day of this epic Pro-Life journey I felt God call me to begin a fast until Easter.  This is only the second time I have ever fasted, and God laid specific areas on my heart to seek his will over.  These areas were residual bondage from my past and I had been wrestling with them.  I submitted to God and I began my fast and sought his face on these issues.

Amazing, Powerful, Almighty, Grace filled, Loving, Forgiving, Kind hearted, FAITHFUL!  God answered me in ways I never imagined.  He showed me things that I had not even been able to see in my own blind sightedness and He called me to submit to Him fully.  It was terrifying to finally surrender and say "I trust you completely even though the road ahead looks scary, I know you have me in your hands and I surrender to your will."  The PEACE that followed me finally submitting fully to Him was unexplainable and then I allowed the Holy Spirit to do spring cleaning on my heart and soul and through complete faith and obedience every stronghold was broken.  I was completely set free and the weight of the world was lifted from me.  I could write pages of all the amazing ways that God has ministered to me this week, all the things He has showed me about myself and all of the things He has allowed others to show me about myself.  Brand new doesn't even explain how I feel.  I am more than brand new, I am a completely different person.  This week I faced my past, I finally gave it fully over to God, I accepted the forgiveness that He has given me, I forgave myself and together God and I closed the door and locked it.  I handed God the key and I took that first step forward into the next chapter of His will over my life.  I am so thankful for my Mom who spent much time in conversation and prayer with me helping me to work through things and helping me to accept the forgiveness that God has given me.  This week I have had faithful prayer partners who have revealed to me how they see me, and now I have a glimpse of what I look like to God, never before had I been able to view myself that way.  God surrounded me, literally engulfed me this week and gave me the sanctuary in Him and in His word and His will.  Yesterday as I drove through town I followed a car with a Christian fish on it and as I returned home I followed another car with the same fish.  It was as if He was reminding me that He was near and that He has big plans for my family that nothing will stand in the way of.  He ignited a new desire for ministry and the calling He has planned for our family.  Although it has not all been revealed I have so much hope in Him.

So today as I was at the bank the woman wished me "a nice weekend" and I said back "have a Happy Easter."  It was in that very moment that I realized that "Happy Easter" doesn't even come close to giving reverence to what Easter is.  "Have a Grace filled Easter" or "A blessed Easter" are maybe a little bit closer but honestly if you have ever been touched by Grace-true, deep, loving, forgiving, embracing Grace then you are aware that Easter is so much more than we often admit it is.

Christ died on the cross. He didn't just die, He came to us an innocent man, the son of God who was brutally beaten and then crucified all for our salvation.  He died for our sins, for those nailing him to the cross, for those sneering while they watched, for those enjoying his suffering, He died for you and for me and NONE of us deserve the sacrifice He made.  It is a free gift, it can't be earned, you can't buy it, nothing you could do could make you deserving of this gift of Grace.  Christ died, but then He broke the power of death and was resurrected on the 3rd day. He ascended into Heaven to be with the Father where He intercedes on our behalf.  You, me, everyone we know can have this free gift of salvation that Christ paid the price for on the cross by simply accepting it!  Its as easy as ABC, A-we first admit that we are sinners, B-believe in our heart that Jesus is God's one and only Son, C-confess before God and man what we believe in our heart.

Romans 10:9-10
that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Its easy to take things for granted, but this week has reignited my passion for His purpose over my life and my family.  His Grace has changed me and I don't want anyone to waste one more day hurting or drowning in regret when I know that Grace is right there waiting to deliver us all from our suffering.  I love how Max Lucado puts it in "Facing your giants" he says "Cast your hat in a congregation of folks who are one gift of grace removed from tragedy, addiction, and disaster."  We are the body of Christ, not perfect by any means, just redeemed.  We have been set free from our broken pasts, our sinful choices, our pit of despair all because God loved us so much He made the ultimate sacrifice.  On this Easter I hope that everyone finds the Grace that God is extending....

John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Grace.....

The theme this year has been Grace, and when I say theme I don't mean in any way to minimize what a powerful thing Grace is.  Our church has been studying Galatians this year and I have a new deep understanding of Grace that I am only now starting to grasp.  Many of my devotionals seem to be focused on Grace and even friends who attend other churches seem to be talking about Grace.

What I find most interesting is that I have been going to church my whole life and never has the subject of Grace sunk in like it is now.  I love that when we are seeking God and searching the scriptures that reading a passage that might have meant very little the last time you read it comes to life this time around.  At the beginning of this year I prayed and fasted that God would give me a deeper desire for the word and has he ever!

I honestly feel like I am a brand new creation, a baby Christian if you will.  Although the first time I asked the Lord into my heart was at a young age, my 20's proved that I hadn't let much of what I had heard sink deep into my heart.  No reason to go back down that old road again but honestly I believe that my new life with God, my marriage, and my journey as a parent all began that moment in February of 2009 when I walked away from my old life and moved to India and let God make the changes in me that so desperately needed to be changed.  I have spent too many years looking back at my past and not at all focused on what is ahead and now that is over.  My past is gone, my slate wiped clean, I am a new creation through the shed blood of Jesus.  No longer do the sins of my past have a hold on me, no longer will I dwell in things that I cannot change, no longer will I let them keep me from Gods purpose in my life.  Forward, that is the only direction I will look until God tells me otherwise.

So this is why Grace has been so profound this year for me.  Part of letting your past go and accepting that God has forgiven you is accepting Grace, and sometimes that is so much easier said than done.  I found myself in this flesh struggle where I accepted that God had forgiven me, but would then go on beating myself up that I needed to do more to make it right.  The fact of the matter is that Gods forgiveness is undeserved and yet given to us freely.  That is because there is nothing we could ever do to erase the sins of our past on our own, but Jesus took them to the cross for us and defeated them.  So when I try to add to His grace by saying I need to do more I am not accepting His Grace in Faith that it is all I need to do.

Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.

Jesus is the only way, he is our Salvation if we will just give our hearts to Him.  Bring it all to Him, confess to Him your sins, ask Him to forgive you, let Him change you.  Accept His Grace!

There is something amazingly powerful that happens when you finally accept Grace, your heart changes.  You aren't trying to do things to makeup for anything, you are doing things because you want to honor God for what He has done for you and you want everyone to know that this Grace is out there waiting for them.  I don't want one more person to believe they are too far gone for Grace, or that they can't have it because they have to much baggage.  It is a free gift from God to us all and all you have to do is take it, accept it, and let it change you.

This world can be so very hard, it can be dark and scary at times, but that is only because there is nothing here for us.  God wants us reconciled to Him, for us to desire Him the way most people desire things of the world.  If you can make Him the center of your desires it is amazing how fast the flesh falls away.  That new shiny car isn't so pretty, that dream house you honestly can't afford is not desirable, all the money in the world cannot compare to what He has in store for your life.  I know, I've been there, I've been sucked in by my flesh, deceived by worldly desires and those things ate me alive, they left me empty and broken.  God however filled me so full that when I feel like I just can't go on I turn to Him and he gives me more than I ask for. He gives me purpose and desire to serve an honor him.  He gives me hope and a future worth living.  Nothing of this world can outshine Him.

John 1:4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.