Diving into the great unknown

This morning I woke up with a million things already on my mind.  This has been typical for me since we found out about our move to Fiji.  I never stop and even when I sleep I have been dreaming of packing, moving, or taking care of some detail.  I'll admit it I'm exhausted.  I am a control freak, something God has been working on in me for quite some time.  I want to make all of this happen when and how I think it should happen and that is not the way it is going to be!  Some days I'm so busy trying to control the universe that I get nothing done but cause myself distress beyond measure.  We need to sell our home, and I know that God will get it sold, I also know that he will do it when the time is right.  I need to let it go, I need to trust him with this detail and since he has been taking care of the details from the first moment its surprising that I still try to hold on especially since there is no way for me to control it!

This is such a huge faith journey, sure we are moving to Fiji and from what people are telling me its on a lot of bucket lists.  It is exciting to be moving.  Its also heartbreaking to be leaving our dogs behind who are part of our family and trusting them to a new family.  This new family is great and I know that they will love them just as we have, but they are so deeply ours in my heart that letting them go is so much easier said than done.  Selling this house, the house we thought we would keep forever, the house we put everything we had into, the house we rebuilt with our own two hands.  Saying goodbye to friends one at a time and knowing that we may never see some of them again.  Family, I haven't even let the family part sink in.  Saying goodbye to our families, knowing that Ella Mae won't live next door to her Grammie and Papa anymore.  That rips my heart from my chest.  Knowing that I can't help my parents or see them whenever I want, that's unbearable.  I just said to Ryan that the reality of this has not sunk in yet, that we have been so busy I truly have not processed any of this yet.  When it does finally sink in its going to hurt in ways I've yet to experience.  This is it, we are finally saying that we will never live in SD again, that our lives are forever on this new path.  The path that we leave for God to decide, the path that he has planned for us.  We are giving ourselves completely over to his will and will go where he leads.  It is scary and exciting.

I'm so thankful for all of the amazing prayer warriors that are lifting us up daily, we need those prayers.  We need God to cover us and care for us and he will without a doubt.  Its not going to be easy all of the time, he never promised that it would be.  He did promise that he would not abandon us and that he won't lead us to where he won't cover us.  We go with the hope that we can serve him in even greater ways.  I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I go with a hopeful heart and willingness to dive into the great unknown where I know that his arms are waiting to catch us!

Hillsong United "Oceans" has always been a special song for me and one of my dear friends, and last night as I took the dogs to meet their new forever family it came on and I began to pray for my friend as I always have, but as I listened to this song that I have heard a million times I realized that this is now my song.  My favorite words in the whole song...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United "Oceans")

That is my prayer, Amen.

Fiji Bound

The way God works always amazes me.  From my point of view nothing makes much sense, the timing always seems to be off and the piece of picture I can see is blurry.  From Gods point of view He is weaving a tapestry and it is exactly how He wants my life to unfold.  I submit fully to Him, His will, His way.  I only want that in my life, and for my family.  I feel so blessed that God gave me a man of Faith who also only wants Gods will.

Six months ago we started talking about another potential job overseas, but both Ryan and myself felt God telling us no, to wait on him.  So we put it to the back burner and every time it came up we would pray on it and the same answer returned.  Fast forward 6 months and after some seriously deep spiritual house cleaning God broke some bondage, brought some sin to the surface, and Ryan and I both felt like God had accomplished what had been holding us back.  Ryan and I both felt released to pursue the job and so we took the leap of faith and put in the application.  The process has been a faith journey all the way, but we both felt firmly that God wanted us to go forward and to trust him.

Every time we tried to take up control of the situation we failed but every time we released it to God he took care of everything.  Before we were hired he had found an amazing home for our dogs, he had helped us sell many of our belongings, and he still continues to work out the details.  Now that we are officially hired we have less than 3 weeks to sell everything including our home, pack up what little we will be taking and get to California so we can fly to our new home in Fiji.

I don't know what God has planned for us there, but I know that God will use us how he desires because that is what we want.  I am excited for Ryan as I know that the flying for him will be exciting and I am excited for Ella Mae as she will be reunited with her best friend Kira.  I am excited for me because I grew so much in India, so much coming back home, and I know that this will be a time of spiritual growth again.

I am so thankful that God is providing us with this opportunity, I feel so blessed that He is calling us out into the world.  I am sad to leave behind family and friends, but I also know that this is not goodbye!  Praise God for the big picture that we only see a glimpse of, I can't wait to see where he takes our family from here.  I pray that this journey may be another chance for us to add a family member, that God will send us a child who needs a home.  Whatever God has planned I know that he will lead the way.  There is something really liberating about being free of most of our worldly possessions and setting out with nothing more than our faith and family.

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

So He said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." Luke 18:29-30

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9